-written by Gloria A. Downey, Major (Retired), USAF JAG Corps, Continue To Serve board member
I went to war in a far-off country, under an American flag, and stood as a beacon to a better way of life, all while living a life of lies. I served in the United States Air Force under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.
Most LGBTQ+ servicemembers of the post-911 wars in Iraq and Afghanistan served under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (the policy ended in 2012). And ALL of us who volunteered to serve under this policy, after our nation was attacked on September 11th, 2001, did so while knowingly giving up our freedom to love. We, the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Veterans of the post-9/11 era, sacrificed our personal liberty for our Nation’s War on Terrorism. And, until Roe was overturned, we genuinely believed America was finally seeing us and choosing to include us as equals.
But how can any of us feel truly equal now?
The injustice of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell era – especially traumatizing while we were at war and unable to have our families be seen or cared for - has itself left lasting scars. And those scars remind us that freedom is not free – even for those who have fought for and won it for all of us. Freedom for Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Veterans is an ever-elusive thing and no number of medals on our chests or limbs we go without, will ever guarantee our full equality in the eyes of all Americans. Personally, I feel better when I just accept this, but it is, of course, unacceptable. And so, I fight.
On June 25th, 2022, I attended my first Pride event in years - the first in San Francisco since COVID-19. I brought a new member of the community, a Marine Iraq veteran, with me for her first Pride. I explained some of our history, traditions, the endless signs we need to hold from year to year, threat to threat. The energy was exhilarating, a bold roar of “that’s right, we survived!” and, “yassss, we still sexy, bitches!” filled Market Street for hours. It was a Proud day. But it was also the day after the overturn of Roe and signs, chants, marches, protests, chalk messages abounded, defined the spirit – raged against SCOTUS - their subtle/not-subtle declaration that: White Men are Back!
This all caused me to really consider my feelings as a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Veteran, in the month of Gay Pride, in the shadow of the end of Roe. It is especially hurtful and traumatic to watch the oppression machine target other fundamental freedoms – the right to control one's body, one’s choices regarding parenthood, the entire direction of one’s life. As a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Veteran, I see this as yet another attack on the audacity of anyone other than the preferred white straight American male to claim full equality, full freedom, full Americanness. As a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Veteran, I know that Roe is the Gateway Drug, marriage equality and the rights to sexual privacy are only a few lines away
How long until we face forced marriage dissolutions? Even as we live lives permanently disabled by our wartime service, we sit and wait now to see when they will come for our families.
This attack on women is an attack on all of us who dare to seek authentic lives in a country determined to maintain power and privilege for the few, no matter the harm to the many. As Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Veterans we MUST oppose this march back to the good old days! The oaths we took bind us for life to uphold the fundamental ideals that truly Make America Great – Freedom, Equality, and Justice!
The Pursuit of Happiness – an inalienable right of all Americans – is not about what makes you happy, it’s about what makes me happy. Its MY Pursuit, MY Happiness, MY LIFE. I already fought for it.
Gloria A. Downey is an Iraq War Combat Veteran turned Filmmaker, Warrior and Visionary, her website is: www.thegloriousg.com.