Good afternoon everyone. I’ve been a long time “lurker” on this site. Occasionally I comment on a story here and there, but mostly, I come to read and learn from you all. You are a wonderful community in the sea of insanity that this world has seemingly devolved. Today I saw a story pertaining to the loss of a pet, and well, to put it bluntly, my husband and I are “feeling the feels”. One month ago today we had to say goodbye to our darling Ruby. She was a beautiful soul, and it hurts to have had to say “goodbye.” The house feels so empty now… so very, very empty.
In any event, I would like to share the tribute I wrote after she crossed over… Thanks for listening.
Ruby…
Thursday, October, 13, 2005 was Yom Kippur. I was off from school as is the case with all the Jewish holidays if they fall during the week. I remember the day vividly; I’ve mentioned several times before that I am blessed (however; sometimes I think it might be more of a curse) with a photographic memory. It was cloudy, gray, rather humid for October, definitely not jacket weather. I went for a run after breakfast, cleaned a bit, showered, then decided I would head out to Willow Grove Mall to see if anything struck my fancy for Greg’s birthday (he would be turning 28 on October 28).
We had discussed getting a dog for quite a while. We wanted a dog but I think both of us were afraid to take the plunge. Dogs are a big responsibility we quipped, if we had one, we couldn’t just take off to go somewhere for a weekend… this was something we spontaneously did now and then. If we had a dog those spur of the moment things were bound to end; for these reasons neither of us made a move.
As I was driving down Easton Road in Glenside that morning towards the mall, I remembered I would be passing a branch of the Montgomery County SPCA… what harm would a brief stop cause. I walked in and asked where I could see the dogs they had that were waiting to be adopted. A woman took me to the back where they were in cages. They were all beautiful in their own way… I wanted to adopt all of them; however, there was this little Lhasa Apso named Simba that I was immediately drawn to. I thought Greg would adore him. Even though I wanted it to be a surprise I realized this would need a consultation from him.
I asked if they could hold Simba. The woman told me there was no holding; you had to adopt on the spot. If you weren’t ready, you’d run the risk of the dog being adopted when you came back. I went out to the car and called Greg on my flip phone (ah… technology). Thankfully he was at his desk and answered his phone. He agreed he’d leave the office a little early and we’d drive up together to see Simba, and perhaps adopt him.
I thanked the woman at the SPCA and picked up a couple of other small gifts for Greg at the mall confident that Simba would still be there when we returned in the early evening. We arrived at the SPCA around 6:30pm and I asked a different woman if we could see Simba. I told her we were interested in perhaps adopting him. She replied, “Simba was adopted this afternoon.” I was crestfallen.
Greg asked to see the other dogs that were available. I wanted to leave. Greg insisted we look. I relented and went with him into the back. We looked around and he pointed at this little red furball who was staring at the floor. He said, “What do you think of that one?” All of the paws had some white in them, but the front, left paw was striking as it looked like a white glove. The woman who brought us back there said, “That’s Ruby, she was just dropped off this afternoon. The owner said she’s untrainable. She’s about one year old.” We asked to see her.
She was quiet, stared at the floor, shook a little bit. When another dog was brought out to be examined by some other potential pet parents, she let out a little woof.
As we were petting her, the woman said that she still needed to be spayed so if we wanted her, we couldn’t have her until Monday. We looked at each other and said, “We’ll take her… the extra couple of days gives us time to get the house ready for her.”
As we were filling out the paperwork the woman then said, “Oh wait, you can take her now, she’s already spayed. I made a mistake.” We both said, almost in unison, “Since this is your mistake can you at least give us until tomorrow? We have nothing at home for her and need to at least pick up some basic dog things.” Thankfully the woman gave in and said she could make an exception this time; we had until 4pm the next day (Friday) to pick Ruby up.
I picked her up on my way home from work and the rest is history. The first couple of days I think she was unsure of whether we were going to keep her; she didn’t let me out of her sight. The little girl watched me shower, watched me grade papers, watched me do everything (Greg had to go away that weekend to visit his parents, so I was solo with the new fur baby). We tried to crate train her, but she cried a lot. On Sunday night (the day Greg came home), I was lying in bed… she hopped in, and Greg looked at her, then at me, and I remember saying, “Fuck it, let her sleep with us.”
So much for crate training.
She slept with us for the next fifteen years until it got too hard for her to jump onto, and then off of the bed. I still miss her weight bumping up against me…. God how I miss it. She would often wait for me to fall asleep and then shift to the other side of the bed. I felt like she knew I was anxious certain nights and wanted to help me sleep.
Ruby completed our little family… she became our child at a time when it was still very difficult for gay men to become parents. Ruby taught us patience, and how to appreciate the simple things again. We didn’t mind missing our spontaneous jaunts here and there on weekends. Our walks down on Forbidden Drive and the Wissahickon more than filled that void. She brought unspeakable joy to the both of us with her kind, playful, and beautiful spirit (furthermore, she was an island of sanity during the pandemic lockdown, Greg’s mother’s illness, my recovery from open heart surgery… I could go on…).
After living with Cushing’s Disease, being attacked by two big dogs, and countless other dust-ups here and there over the years (did I tell you she was a tough cookie as well?) she finally told us she was tired this past week. It may sound cliché, but a true lady always knows when it is time to say goodbye. Ruby is no exception to this, even though she was tough, she was still a true lady. Greg and I decided we needed to respect and honor this even though our hearts are beyond broken.
Thank you, our dear sweet little girl, for the 18 years you gave us… I so wish we could have stolen that first year of your life as well (yes, I am greedy). I can only hope we will see each other again in the future. Words cannot express how much we are going to miss you!
Please know Greg and I love you to the moon and back… always have, always will!
Rest easy our little darling Rubygirl.