“Hey, I just helped create Christmas, and two of the first three Christmas gifts ever given are a bit lame. Look, I’m here in this stable without baby clothes or diapers. Something like a cradle never crossed your mind? Well, I guess I’ll be able to use the gold to buy some baby clothes, anyway.”
I had to look up what frankincense and myrrh really were; both are good-smelling and expensive tree saps. I doubt they were what Mary would have put on her wish list for her baby shower.
A gift of gold in Biblical times was like giving money. Or even a gift card. “Here, Mary. We got you some essential oils from Young Living and a gift card to Target,” is how it might go down today.
I’ve heard it said that the Three Wise Women would have done a better job of coming up with gifts than the Three Wise Men. The wise women probably would have brought blankets, diapers and clothing. Or a cradle!
Christmas is a bit regressive, feminism-wise – many times women bear the burden of doing all the shopping because (many but not all) men will just throw some money in an envelope or some expensive perfume in a bag and call it good. So not much has changed.
Christmas is an unholy alliance between capitalism and Christianity.
Christianity and Christmas are so tightly bound that historically, the richest and most powerful men in the U.S. have almost invariably at least professed the faith. Christmas celebrates capitalism far more than it does Jesus.
Never mind what Jesus said about it being easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Never mind that he whipped the hell out of the money changers. Never mind what the Old Testament says about lending money at interest. Capitalism cloaks itself in Christianity. Anybody questioning the morality of screwing the poor for profit is branded a Godless socialist – a pretty neat trick, to be honest.
Publications are releasing their annual gift guides right now.
They’re essentially gifts to advertisers, of course. In my newspaper past I was charged with putting out a bunch of these, and it was always torture. Nobody except the wealthy really enjoys shopping for Christmas gifts unless they’re buying for small children, and maybe not even then.
The job of creating Christmas magic falls disproportionately upon women, and for years, the burden ruined the holiday for me. I’ve discovered I can pick any two: decorating, baking or shopping. I can’t find time and energy for all three.
It’s hard to get out of doing at least a little shopping.
If you move in well-off circles, everybody you know already has everything they need. If there was something they wanted, they’d have bought it for themselves already. What a waste to buy something they don’t particularly want or need, just because you feel like you have to.
If you move in circles where everyone is living paycheck to paycheck, you probably can think of many items everyone on your list could use, but you may not have enough money to buy them. And the money you blow on unexciting gifts may keep you from being able to meet your needs.
The pressure of Christmas nearly forces us into making choices we don’t want to make. So many times, we spend more than we can afford on things we know the other person might not even want, just to avoid shame.
Many years, the thing I’ve really needed has been something like a new roof or a set of tires, but these things don’t work as gifts. And the money I ought to have put toward needs like that has instead gone to buy unwanted presents for others. Such is the pressure this holiday creates. Nobody would fall for this if it wasn’t so tightly woven into our culture with roots in the faith many of us grew up steeped in.
Think about it: For those raised in Christian families, you had to be a Christian or else you’d go to Hell, and Christmas is the holiest day of the year. So get with it! Either go into debt for the end-of-the-year spend-a-thon or be prepared to roast in Hell.
Better to just buy that coffee mug with the funny saying on it than to take a chance, right?
Here’s how to have a merrier and cheaper Christmas.
Sometimes we put our heart into trying to come up with something meaningful for someone we love – gift-giving at its finest. Sometimes we feel irritation at the obligation so we throw a cheap scented candle into a gift bag and move on.
The perfect gift achieves three things:
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It doesn’t cost more than you can afford to give.
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It’s not a cheap and crappy novelty destined for the landfill. It’s obvious the giver put some thought into it, so it’s meaningful to the recipient.
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It truly pleases the recipient.
Sometimes it’s impossible to hit all three marks. I think if all you can afford is something cheap that you fear your loved one isn’t going to value anyway, you’re better off agreeing not to exchange gifts at all. Suggest an evening of coffee, treats and good conversation around the tree instead. Or a drive or walk around your neighborhood to look at Christmas lights. Gifts don’t have to be tangible, physical items.
We all say that the best things in life are free. Why don’t we act like we believe it?
My family has experimented with Christmas a lot in recent years.
Don’t be afraid to talk to your family and friends about wanting to rein in Christmas.
Some years, we’ve over-spent. Some years, we’ve under-spent.
One year, my very anti-materialism son talked me into not giving him a gift at all. It was during the pandemic, so most of my family could not get together. My husband and I agreed to skip gifts that year, too. We didn’t put up a tree or do much of anything at my house. The result was so depressing I found myself sobbing.
Last year, I specified that part of Christmas would be an overnight family trip to a state park. We stayed in a cabin, hiked, swam and had a wonderful time. This year, I have another family trip planned. My daughter is striving to declutter her house. The least I can do is not add to the problem. I’d much rather put my limited budget toward the grandkids’ first trip to a beach than purchase a pile of plastic stuff. We’re lucky that friends with a house in a desirable area invited us to visit, so my only cost will be the transportation.
You have to be careful, though. I still believe some holiday magic for young children is important. I don’t want to pare things down so much that my grandchildren remember me as Oma Scrooge.
One year, my husband bought me a cleaning pail with several bottles of window cleaner in it!
And yes, we’re still married.
It made me laugh, because I was always complaining about the window cleaner never being where it belonged when I needed it. He gave me enough to last several years. I’ve gone through all of it. Maybe he should buy me some more this year.
I’d love to make beautiful hand-crafted gifts for everyone, but I’m just not very talented in that direction. I prefer to give things that people will use up and never have to store anywhere – like baked goods, fancy liqueurs, special cheeses or other consumables.
One of the best ideas I’ve ever heard is for everyone to give a book from their personal collection, complete with a note about why you think they’d like it. I personally have an outrageous number of books, but not everyone on my list does. My son exclusively reads on his phone or tablet; you’d never know when you walk into his house that he reads constantly, because he hasn’t bought a printed book in years.
Experiences are where it’s at.
We spend time in the kitchen making gingerbread men, sugar cookies and special holiday dishes together. We have our traditions, some of which were handed down and others that we dreamed up on purpose.
For example, after our divorce, my children’s father and I had to split the holidays. Some years, my children spent Christmas morning at home and went to his house for Christmas dinner. So I decreed that a Christmas breakfast would henceforth replace our traditional Christmas dinner. The night before I’d set the table and do as much prep work in the kitchen as possible.
Then I’d sneak downstairs very early to prepare a good breakfast. I always make a variety of homemade scones with fresh berries, whipped cream and fancy coffee concoctions. Usually an egg dish and other things show up, as well. The kids could get into their stockings as soon as they woke up, but we didn’t open presents until after breakfast. This also made Christmas morning less frenzied and actually increased the anticipation.
Now that the kids are grown and not necessarily sleeping at my house every Christmas Eve, I value the Christmas breakfast even more. It’s a good non-gift-centric way to make the day feel special. In the years when I’m lucky enough to have my daughter and grandchildren staying here, it’s even better, of course.
You don’t have to grow up if you don’t want to.
One of my friends, who is a grown-ass woman in her 50s just like I am, has ordered a set of Shrinky Dinks for us to make! The last time I made these was with my mom in the mid-1970s and I had no idea they were still available. My friend wants to drink hot cocoa, listen to Christmas music and do this craft together.
Honestly, I’m looking forward to it quite a bit!
What are your favorite Christmas tips?
About Michelle Teheux:
I’m a writer in central Illinois. If you like my work, subscribe to me on Medium or Substack, or throw me a fish! You can also find me on LinkedIn.