At the Costco, yesterday, doing some scouting for our move, there were a lot of samples. There were a lot of good samples. I did not eat all of them, though I thought about it. Typically, I only sample items I am legitimately interested in purchasing. Among these samples were some kind of Cheeto like corn puff that made me forget about Frito-Lay, some unreal bulgogi dumplings, and popcorn that could double as a dessert.
Then we happened along meatballs. As someone of Italian ancestry, it has been hammered into my thought process that meatballs are to be comprised of one or perhaps a combination of two meats: beef and pork. That’s it. But these were some kind of organic pineapple chicken meatballs, and Val went right for them. She liked them. So I tried one.
I tried a chicken meatball. And it was good. Actually, it was great. Val and I were discussing just how great, when a child of about eight or so came along and grabbed a handful. The sample chef said, “Oh, you are grabbing two?” The kid laughed and ran away, while his mother laughed and said, “That’s not good buddy.”
I am trying to think what might have happened had I done that as a child, but it would have involved some kind of discipline. I am digressing here, I understand parental approaches have evolved, it just shocked me to see a kid with no regard for the concept of “one per customer.”
The chef, a woman in her mid to late 50’s, looked downtrodden and frustrated because she had to make more quickly, as a line was forming. Incredibly, some of the shoppers were brusquely inquiring as to “Why they were taking so long?”
As it calmed down, I walked over to the woman and said, I know retail is stressful, and I know customers are demanding, so I just wanted to take the time to tell you, “I appreciate your hard work.”
That was it, five small words that made her day. I know this because her exact quote was, “Thank you sweetheart, you have just made my day.” Which of course helped to make mine.
There is a massive societal gain when manners are applied. Thank you, ma’am and sir, please, and patience could go a long way to making this world a happier place. We are all under a great deal of stress, and expectations, constantly, without regard for mental health and how it can fray. Clearly this woman was dealing with a frustrating day, and a customer’s willingness to show appreciation and kindness with no regard for how it could help him, turned her whole day around.
And yet I know how I grew up. I am not just imagining things, I know manners were more common when I was a child. I know I heard many more “thank yous” and “yes sirs” and “pleases” when I was young.
Overall, adults in the U.S. are least likely to say that kids having good manners is an especially important quality — just 52% of them said so in 2017, according to a report released this month by King’s College London. That makes the U.S. the country least likely, of the 24 countries surveyed in recent years, to believe good manners are crucial for kids.
This is a significant drop from 1990, when 76% of U.S. adults said it was a very important quality for children to possess, the data shows.
And as I walked out onto the parking lot, and surveyed the battle royale that was unfolding over the last few spots, I lamented the onset 43 years ago of the era of selfishness. That time when America turned more inward and wealth focused. It permeated every level of society. It infected every element of culture.
It isn’t even usually more than a week before I hear of another altercation, sometimes using firearms, over a parking spot.
I rarely hear a clerk be thanked, or notice a cart attendant getting a few steps saved by someone walking a cart over. More often I hear, “this is why you are being replaced with robots.”
I don’t want a pat on the back. I want us to try to reach out and brighten days. I know many of us here already do, and I know some have developed an aversion to human contact, especially post-Covid. I get it. But even through a mask, which this woman was wearing, we can project a smile and kindness.
The growing insularity and indifference to each other is to me, other than climate change, our biggest challenge we face, because it seems not enough care about the concerns of others.
A person is a stranger until you meet them. But friendship is a choice that starts with the act of introducing yourself to a stranger.
It only took five words to make a day, and a smile, and a friend.
Imagine if our country went back to the philosophy of caring.
How sweet our land of liberty would truly be.
-ROC
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Love,
ROC