I was both excited and concerned about our plans to meet a couple we hadn’t seen in 8-ish years.
About 25 years ago, the couple had instantly connected with my wife and me, because our two kids were the same age as their two kids, the kids had lots of fun together, and the adults enjoyed each others’ company.
We were all members of a church that was relatively conservative, but it seemed healthy, because they had a balanced mix of young+old parishioners, good congregational camaraderie, excellent music, interesting bible studies, charitable service to neighbors in need, and mutual support for other attendees. Our active friendship with the couple lasted about 15 years.
It was at men’s bible study that I first began to see the toxic side of the church’s conservatism — although I excused it for quite a while. Among other people, the husband (cited above) had invited me to participate weekly in the group. The camaraderie was nice, but it took me a while to realize there was indoctrination going on, too.
We were told by the leader that the men’s group was a place where anyone could say anything and the members of the group would promise never to reveal confidential information to others (including our wives). Intolerance was often preached behind those closed doors, and the members were under strict orders not to reveal any of it publicly.
We were told by elders that intolerance of the LGBTQ “lifestyle” was scriptural. The slogan that accompanied that edict was: “Hate the sin, but love the sinner”. It was nothing more than a platitude. Fully 90% of that group were deathly afraid of loving a gay “sinner”. They feared such interaction would be akin to allowing Satan into the church hierarchy.
And even though my own research proved that the bible also contained teachings that were perfectly contradictory to its intolerant verses (e.g. be welcoming to strangers and never judge anyone’s heart) I chose to remain silent and to refrain from using those passages to argue against the bigotry that prevailed.
Ultimately, my own children (as older teens and adults) convinced me how wrong I was to tacitly support such (a) unkind and (b) holier-than-thou attitudes.
What a blessing my children have been to me! Their brains and hearts were so persuasive that I knew I had to change more than my silence cum intolerance — I needed to change my entire worldview. I set out to do it thoroughly, no matter how long it took.
In the years since leaving the church, I have grown — not only out of my religious bigotry, but away from the conservative political ideology that was the natural offshoot of the scriptural conservatism of that church. I joined the Democratic party. I began reading and writing here at Daily Kos. I voted for Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden.
DK adherents who have read my prior diaries will have observed that I’m well read and strongly steeped in the values of progressivism, but I still have a foot and ankle trailing behind me near the border of conservatism. I keep it there to help me build bridges to the folks whose hearts are fundamentally good, but whose brains have been fooled into practicing hate instead of love.
Fast forward to last week when I was nervous about dining with the drifted-away couple. I had no reason to expect they too had initiated a worldview transformation. I wondered if they actually voted for Trump in 2016 … and in 2020.
I was overjoyed to find out that my friend, the husband, had begun his journey into the light too — he was just a few years behind me. But the best part was the “how” of it all that he shared over dinner.
Separately, his kids had said, “Dad, why are you unable to see that your Bible study friends are not making good choices with their politics?” (Cue the Law and Order Sound Effect, “dun dun”.)
He paused, and said, “That’s when I realized that the future was not mine to continue grasping for — it belonged to my children. I had already screwed up the world enough and I had no business obstructing them from building what they perceived to be a better future. I had voted for Trump in 2016, but I knew I must vote for Biden in 2020.”
My heart leaped as high as the father’s heart in the Prodigal Son story.
But I bet my friend’s children’s hearts leaped even higher! Their Prodigal Father had finally seen how much his decisions were causing him to wallow in the mud of unkindness, untruthfulness, and hunger for power (collectively “mammon”). And he knew that reversing course would be such a blessing to his children.
And today, I am wondering how many (purple or red) Boomer dads might be convinced by the argument that the world now belonged to their Millennial kids, and they (the dads) should vote accordingly.
I am also imagining a scenario where Joe Biden could somehow figure out a way to quote John F. Kennedy, (“...Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans...”), and mean it!
And the choir sang, “Hallelujah”!