Greetings and best wishes, Mr. President. Great to see you’re starting to grasp the gravity of the threat posed by the Former Guy. How about making bold to mete out some lumps of holiday coal along the lines of:
Ho ho ho! Look at you! The politically undead, harebrained Mr. Grim Grinch! STILL sniping at me, my party, and all decent Americans! STILL echoing the evil, miserably failed regimes that our brave troops destroyed in World War II! STILL dragging us downwards-and-backwards by snarling (WITHOUT ONE BIT OF EVIDENCE) that you beat me last time around! STILL mingling and canoodling with an axis of un-American goons that includes Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Ralph Drollinger, and Nick Fuentes! SHAME ON YOU!
Tell me, Mr. Trump. When and how did you figure that the Dow Jones’s ALL-TIME HIGH (THIS MONTH, UNDER YOURS TRULY) is somehow bad? All of a sudden, you claim that iconic index of American prosperity somehow (as of now) helps only the very rich, such as yourself?
YOU! Yes, YOU! The ne’er-do-well inheritor of family lucre- who styles himself a “self-made billionaire!” What a flat-out fake! No one should doubt for a New York minute that you’re nothing but a lyin’ scion turned turkey-necked, orange-skinned, badly aging Richie Rich!
Along with stocks, have you looked at gasoline prices? (Perhaps you’re more keen on jet fuel. But most Americans have less elite priorities.) Honestly, now. Did you ever learn to read? Or count? Can you not grasp the tidings of comfort and joy that pump prices have sunk? (It’s like golf scores, Donnie: lower is better.)
Meanwhile, since you left office, all who truly care about America’s future have been working toward viable, clean energy innovations - no matter what you and your forked-tongued cohorts may hiss by way of science denial!
Have you incurred post-Covid brain fog? If not, do you recall how, in Cleveland, you tried to inflate yourself by mocking my frequent mask-wearing? Let me refresh your memory: YOU WERE INFECTED WITH THE VIRUS, MR. SMART MOUTH! YOU NEARLY DIED! YOUR CARE ALONE COST GOOD, HONEST TAXPAYERS MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!
There in Cleveland, you interrupted me over 100 times. Of necessity, I told you to SHUT UP. And you never have! Case in point, you STILL foist fake claims that you’ve cooked up a healthcare plan that’s the best thing since Trump University! Just as you swore (over and over and over) during your time in power that you were days away from unveiling something YUGE to replace the highly popular, sorely need Affordable Care Act (into which I feel proud to have offered some input), you STILL string the American people and our credulous media along like there’s no tomorrow. For shame!
Other than slashing taxes for your pals, canoodling with Putin, smearing and/or suing people, acting like a Big Cheese on a TV fake “reality” series, fibbing all day long, “grab[bing]” women, cheating at golf, and allegedly committing scads of felonies, what have you EVER done in your entire life?
So. How about you at last PUT UP OR SHUT UP?
On one hand, the press salutes you, Mr. Biden, for waxing more “aggressive” of late. On the other hand, given the plain, perverse, poll-pumping appeal of Big Blonder’s despotic bilge, one might better say you’ve been ‘less unaggressive.’ All the more, near the dawn of what may well be our last year as a vote-legitimized, freedom-friendly union, merry Christmas to you... and to all, a good fight.