“The National Guard has been called out to help control panic-stricken inhabitants,” said Governor DeSantis who also called President Biden for federal emergency aid and Texas Governor Abbot for armadillo guidance. DeSantis may also have been exposed based on the apparent swelling on his face.
Most cases so far are coming from close-knit communities including beachfront condominium towers and retirement communities. The retirement communities appear to be especially prone to the disease due to the high number of baby armadillos run over by golf carts. In the southern United States, most armadillos are naturally infected with the bacteria that causes leprosy according to the Centers for Disease Control.
Researchers have found that most of the infected armadillos carry the same strain of bacteria that has been linked to transmission to humans elsewhere. People who eat armadillos, or run them down with golf carts seem to be most at risk for the infection.
Cockroaches are also known to be vectors for the disease and thrive in hot and humid conditions, but these condo cockroaches are especially fat, having probably migrated from northern climes for the sun. They are obviously enjoying ideal living conditions in Palm Beach and in the condos lining Florida’s East Coast.
Biden called California Governor Gavin Newsom for advice and he suggested finding a way to get Manchin, Tuberville, and perhaps Musk aboard. Then, by cutting Florida off at the Georgia border, we’d be rid of DeSantis, cockroaches, and the rest of Florida’s wacko inhabitants as well as the bugs. Oh, and pythons and alligators.
Biden agreed, so Newsom brought this bigass saw in from Kazakhstan for the purpose and they’ll get to cutting as soon as they move Disneyland. Hopefully, Florida will float on down to South America or even Antarctica. Sorry about the armadillos.
Popular Mechanics