Well, this is weird. The guy who once sued a comedian for suggesting his mother was an orangutan—and who sought $3 billion in damages from one of his lenders after he failed to honor his own debts—is making risible filings in federal court! It’s almost like he’s not a serious person or something.
Late last week, media MAGAs melted down like rancid ghee over President Joe Biden’s promotion of his campaign’s cheeky—and wildly popular—“Dark Brandon” mugs. Now it’s Trump’s legal team’s turn to overreact.
On Monday, while trying to stave off a protective order requested by special counsel Jack Smith, who recently indicted Trump on charges related to the violent Jan. 6, 2021 coup against the legitimate government of the United States, Trump’s lawyers claimed in a court filing that Biden’s recent mug video was a pointed reference to Trump’s latest arraignment. Because, as we all know, everything in the universe revolves around Donald Trump. If Trump ever used his powers to raise Copernicus from the dead, the legendary astronomer would very quickly hang himself in shame—but not before approaching Trump with tears in his eyes and ruefully mewling, “Sir, sir. Thank you for setting me straight, sir.”
RELATED STORY: Biden has fully embraced the 'Dark Brandon' meme, and media MAGAs are big mad
The Hill:
Prosecutors had asked for a protective order to limit how widely evidence could be shared in the wake of a social media post by Trump vowing to go after anyone who targeted him.
In response, Trump’s attorneys argued in part that the former president’s political opponents have campaigned on the indictment at a time when Trump is running for the 2024 GOP presidential nomination.
“President Biden has likewise capitalized on the indictment, posting a thinly veiled reference to his administration’s prosecution of President Trump just hours before arraignment,” his attorneys wrote.
Not sure what kinds of veils Trump is used to, but that one seems pretty fucking thick. Maybe not quite as thick as the dollops of Vaseline Kari Lake’s campaign staff were required to trowel onto their eyeballs before looking directly at her, but damn thick nevertheless.
Of course, it’s also possible Biden was just trying to boost sales of his campaign merch. And, hey, it worked! And it’s almost certainly working better now that Fox News and Donald Trump have turned a playful, eight-second video into a five-day story—and counting. Thanks, guys!
The irony here is pretty thick as well. A candidate whose only two campaign issues appear to be seething, feral revenge against his enemies and the existential dangers of low-flow showerheads is going after his opponent for brutally assailing him with a campaign mug. That’s really, erm, something.
Then again, it would be hard for the Biden campaign to buy this kind of publicity. After Biden tweeted his video, which as of this writing has racked up more than 20 million views, the “Dark Brandon” merch line, which launched in April, likely received a big boost. And now—thanks to Trump’s and his media minions’ bloviating—it’s all over the news.
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And it was already a big hit before all that!
Axios:
By the numbers: "Dark Brandon" — an online meme that portrays the 80-year-old president as a two-steps-ahead Machiavelli — is driving the Biden campaign's merchandise sales. More than 54% of the store's total revenue is coming from Brandon-themed products, his re-election team told Axios.
- The "Dark T-Shirt" and "Dark Roast Mug" are the best-selling products in the campaign's store, which offers 43 products, the campaign says.
- There are eight Dark Brandon-themed products in the store, including a crop top, stickers, and white and navy baseball caps.
- Those products alone have accounted for 44% of all store orders and driven nearly 76% of all clicks onto the website, per the campaign.
As for the Trump legal team’s assertion that Biden is capitalizing on Trump’s indictment: Have they met their client? The same guy who collected $250 million from donors for an “election defense fund” that didn’t exist never misses an opportunity to Rumpelstiltskin his looming legal peril into gold. Thankfully, it looks like that tactic may finally be starting to lose its effectiveness.
That said, the Dark Brandon meme appears to have plenty of runway left, while Biden’s embrace of it has been a financial boon to his campaign. And the best part? He doesn’t have to funnel all that money to lawyers trying to keep him out of prison! Imagine being able to run an entire presidential campaign without a single federal indictment hanging over your head. America truly is a land of opportunity … for people who don’t steal top secret documents and literally try to overthrow the government.
RELATED STORY: Fox News all but joins the Trump defense team
P.S.: You can get your own Dark Brandon mug here. I bought mine weeks ago, and clearly they’re the cool new thing. So buy one now! Each purchase is a donation to the Biden Victory Fund—and we really need Biden to win.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.