Well, it’s that time of year again to renew our yearly subscription to Max! Before it morphed into a three letter behemoth, HBO max was a relatively good deal — $100 a year for full 4K content and no stupid ads. We shared the password with a few family members who, in return, shared their passwords for a few other services. Streaming services have strived for years to increase viewership by turning a blind eye to password sharing, and America took full advantage of it during Covid. We all did. It was great. It was the “Napster” years of streaming services while we were all broke and bored.
Now that millions of people are comfortable with streaming services, it’s time for the pinheads to apply the thumb screws. Bring out the gimp, bitches. You’re HOOKED now so we is raising the price — of course, the primary strategy of capitalism and drug pushers alike. What..., you poor? Then you can just PAY for a plan that INCLUDES ads. ONLY $20 a month! Nobody left behind!
Not only are the streaming services systematically and in concert cutting off password sharing, they have hiked their prices astronomically since Covid. You get this cute little e-mail along with the constant spam they send so you don’t notice they are hiking the price $2, $4, $6 a month. You figure $4.00 a month, jeez, I guess I can afford that. How else am I supposed to watch “Toddlers and Tiaras?” “Dr. Pimple Popper?” “Grease 2?”
Then ALL the services do it everywhere to YOU all at once without you noticing a thing, like a frog in a boiling pot of water. Before you know it your bill for all streaming services is more than what you paid for a deluxe cable package — remember those? You get EVERYTHING ON THE WHOLE PLANET WITH ADS for $215.00 a month, what a deal! Before long tho you are standing on the local street corner by a Costco holding a mis-spelled religious plea for donations written on a folded-up piece of cardboard wearing a military cap you got at the flea market for a dollar so you can just catch one more repeat episode of “Big Bang Theory” on your barely functioning, broken IPAD you charged at the library. GAWD I freakin’ hate that show. So SMARMY!
So I have paid MAX $100 a year for the past two years and paid for it up front. Last year, the corporate overlords wanted to bump it up $20 so I cancelled the subscription immediately— which resulted in a form email begging appeal that “OK sure, if I was insisting that was the case and ah shucks since we ARE friends......they would keep me at the “same price again for a year.”- so I did it.
This year they are offering me a “LEGACY” (loyal customer) plan because…. I’m so special! SQUEAL! For the low cost of 50% more per year, or $150.00 a year I could get —(drum roll) the EXACT SAME level of service I had since I joined. SOOOOO much cheaper than what it would cost if you if you, you know, been recently signed up like these other schmucks out there, which is for the the low, low price of $199.9999 which is DISCLAIMER: $200 a year, people. Round it UP, people! It’s even more if you you pay by month. Wow, I never saved so much money by not spending it EVER! HAH Darn right I cancelled. Again.
HBO MAX NETFLIX HULU DISNEY MUSK all have a dirty little effing secret they don’t want you to think about at all right now. Say, did you realize that ALL (Yes, every single one) of the writers and ALL (again, yes EVERY SINGLE ONE) of the actors are on strike? YAH! You Betcha! They have been NOT WORKING ON SHIT since July 20th of 2023. No new shows. No new movies. No new content at all, Cheesebros. A veritable black hole of entertainment is on the horizon. It’s going to be like a reality show without a plot. Nothin but re-runs of “The Apprentice”. Your dystopian nightmare has come true. BWAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAA
THEY GOT NOTHING NEW FOR YOU. And they are gonna charge you 50 PER CENT more for the privilege.
I’m gonna go read a book….