In a recent interview with this journalist, God denied having had anything to do with the preposterous barfwaffle called “God Made Trump”.
“Just how fucking stupid do you think I am?” God said, “And you can quote me on that. That piece of crap was obviously written for morons who will believe anything they’re told. I can tell you one thing, I do NOT want to be worshipped by only by morons. I mean, just the level of conversation . . . “
The Creator of the Universe went on to comment, laughing, “It was probably written by the Anti-Christ, or one of his stooges. I can hear him now: ‘The Devil made me do it.’”
“No, seriously,” the Lord of All Existence went on to say, “I would never write anything so fatuous and clumsy. Look, I created the universe (and by the way, there’s only one of the things—you can forget all that bull about the multiverse); do you really think I would have that much trouble with prose style? Has this guy ever even heard of bathos?”
The Boss God of Them All—who, by the way, is neither white, nor male—“I created sex, for crying out loud, Elohim said at one point; I can’t be defined by it.”—went on to comment that if they were going to make somebody, they would do a lot better than the person they insisted on referring to as the rump, saying that the rump deserved neither capitalization nor to be referred to by his actual name.
“I mean the guy has trouble walking and breathing at the same time. He’s not even smart enough to understand that if you refer to yourself as “a stable genius,” the first thing sane people are going to think is “Look who’s talking,” or why should I believe you?”
“No, that ridiculous piece was a put-up job from the start. No, I’m not really worried about it. Not really worried about much of anything, to tell you the truth. Just thought we ought to set the record straight. You’ve already got so much bullshit to put up with, you probably deserve a break once in a while. Of course, you don’t have to believe us. What am I gonna do, send you to hell?”
God let loose with another of their boisterous laughs. “Nah, the only people who wind up in hell are the ones who insist on following ‘alternate facts’. They ignore the signs and refuse to look at a map, no matter how simple you make it or what language you write it in. Okay. They’ll get tired of it sooner or later. Everybody does.”