Greetings from your Aspirant to the Throne.
I wish to thank my Loyal Subjects for their excellent suggestions following my first set of decrees. And, I have decided to make them so.
When I am Queen of the Universe (in no particular order):
Torture of non-human [AND HUMAN] animals is over. If you must eat animal products or test your drugs, it must be done actually humanely.
Guns are stupid. If you want to shoot something, use a bow and arrow or a slingshot like a REAL hunter. If you have a gun, it must be (1) unloaded (2) in a gun safe (3) 30 day waiting period before you get it (4) mandatory yearly training course IN PERSON (5) licensed & registered (6) covered by liability insurance.
Employees get a living wage, including paid sick time and vacation. No more deducting tips from servers’ paychecks.
Pot is legal, for adults, as long as it doesn’t make you a nuisance in public. So are magic mushrooms. Again, in the privacy of your own home or the drug den of your choice. Drive high, or otherwise endanger other people, then we throw the book at you. (See my earlier Decree that folks in jail for pot possession get out of jail today, with $10,000, a clean record, and an apology.)
Dryer sheets will be miraculously replaced with wool dryer balls.
Noise and light pollution laws will actually be enforced.
Equal pay for equal work. ( My amendment: And no more online-only job applications which scan for key words. If you want to hire someone, you need to actually read their cover letter and resume.)
A special thank-you to Unthinkable who reminded me of my pet peeves: No plastic cutlery.
No foam cups. Only biodegradable packing.
Ohamaker suggested the following for schools:
Schools at all level will have a full-time therapist for 100 students. All schools will have a full-time social worker and nurse. All complaints of bullying will be dealt with immediately with mandatory therapy for the aggressor.
All students will receive full learning assessments before they enter kindergarten, and will be taught how to most effectively learn with their particular brain skills.
All public school funding will go to public schools only. No funding will ever go to religious schools for any reason.
And Mokurai added; Also, all Free Software and Creative Commons textbooks, in all needed languages, so that the teachers and children will have the right to make improvements, with free school computers and home broadband for all.
And I will add: Children must be taught a useful skill to do done in the real world, with their hands. Like wood working, mechanics, and visual and performing arts.
Which means every school will have its own art teacher and music teacher.
FeministFireFury reminded me that, along with free contraception and condoms, there will be free sanitary products everywhere.
And finally, Kellyb2 had these helpful suggestions:
Everyone get a cat. Or a dog. Or both. And be friends with people, too. Maybe sing more. And walk. It’s important to walk. And maybe with a cat and a dog. While singing.
In the meantime, here is my next set of Decrees:
Everyone will read Trekonomics over and over again until they understand it.
Everyone will watch “District 9” over and over again until they understand it.
Everyone will listen to “You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught” from South Pacific over and over again until they understand it.
Any time a politician or business leader tells a self-serving lie (for example, lies protecting national security are exempt, but lies covering up grift are not) will immediately have their eyes pop out like The Mask.
The senior year of high school for all Americans is now the Peace Corps. Students must live, work, and learn in a place where they must learn a new language, and interact with persons of a different race and religion. Any student behaving like a jerk will be required to serve an additional year.
Medical equipment for people who need it — things like wheelchairs — are FREE. And all public buildings will miraculously be equipped with easy access. Tomorrow. (Historic buildings exempt, but still have to TRY THEIR BEST...)
Keep your dog on a leash when other people or dogs are present. And clean up their damn poo! (Penalty for breaking this commandment is as follows: the aforesaid poo will be your dinner tonight.)
And to the very few who felt that my decrees were “silly” and “not useful,” I hereby decree that you shall get a sense of humor. And I will remind you of Thumper’s Creed. And ask that you allow us to enjoy ourselves here. If we don’t know where we WANT to go (whether we think we can get there tomorrow or not) how will we ever get there???
And thank you to expatwhereitsat for your vote of confidence in the comments.
I think that’s enough for today. Once again, I welcome your suggestions for my next decrees…