Trump is such an infamously vexatious nuisance of a client that he had to go bottom-barrel shopping for legal representation in his civil and criminal cases, which is where he managed to scrape up sentient pouting waste stain Alina Habba.
During her representation of the ex-POTUS, her antagonistic lawyering style managed to do the near impossible—singlehandedly take an already damaged brand and burn it further asunder.
In other words, she grabbed one of Trump's steaming depends in her well-manicured hand and wiped it all over the already smoldering, crap-infested Trump Logo. Sound disgusting?
It should. Cuz it is.
Now, for her efforts, she could lose her license to practice and be in the crosshairs of a criminal conviction as well.
MAGA—Making Attorneys Get Attorneys has aged well and remains eternally apropos!
Insert your favorite MAGA acronym’s meanings below—they are often hilarious and sadly accurate.
The big lowdown
Judge Author Engoron contacted Trump lawyers Alina Habba, Christopher Kise, and Cliff Robert regarding a recent New York Times article that indicated Allen Weisselberg might be entering a guilty plea for perjury with the Manhattan District Attorney.
As Engoron is currently attempting to calculate how fat a check Trump will have to write to the city of New York, he wanted to verify if the allegations of Weisselberg lying on the stand during Trump’s NY civil fraud trial were true.
Weisselberg's October testimony in the civil case, in which he is also a defendant, was unexpectedly cut short after Forbes published an article claiming he lied under oath.
In 2017, the magazine reported that financial statements had described Trump's penthouse apartment in Trump Tower as much larger and worth hundreds of millions of dollars more than its true size and value.
Weisselberg testified that he "never focused" on the valuation of the triplex apartment, but the Forbes article in October said Weisselberg's emails to reporters from years earlier showed he "played a key role" in supporting the apartment's false valuation.
Weisselberg has been in negotiations with the Manhattan district attorney to plead guilty to perjury for the testimony, which was under oath, the New York Times reported on Feb. 1.
A source with knowledge of the matter confirmed the negotiations to CBS News.
While the Forbes story focused on Weisselberg's testimony about the Trump Tower apartment, Engoron said in his letter to lawyers that "other topics could also be called into question" if Weisselberg admits to perjury. The judge indicated he might conclude that the entirety of Weisselberg's hourslong testimony was not credible.
He gave attorneys until Wednesday at 5 p.m. to submit a letter to him "detailing anything you know about this that would not violate any of your professional ethics or obligations."
"I would also appreciate knowing how you think I should address this matter, if at all, including the timing of the final decision," Engoron wrote.
Damn, consciousness of guilt much?
Alina said what now?
One must wonder if a pack of wolves raised Alina Habba in a forest den, as she lacks any social graces or ability to understand how anything resembling human interaction works—her stupid, legalese response was neither rational nor helpful:
“Trump attorney Alina Habba said she has not spoken with the district attorney's office about "any of the matters discussed in the New York Times article."
"Further, in an abundance of caution, I have conferred with my ethics counsel and have been advised that I am constrained by my professional ethical obligations from providing any further detail," said Habba, who is serving as Weisselberg's civil counsel. "No adverse inference should be drawn from my inability to respond." —NBC News
Wait—did she kinda sorta plead the fifth here?
No, Cliff Robert didn’t!
Knowing that Habba was winning all the awards for the dumbest moves a lawyer can make in a legal case, Robert told Habba to hold his beer:
Attorney Clifford Robert took a more abrasive and confrontational approach in his response to Judge Engoron. Robert said "the Court’s request for comment on this speculative media account is unprecedented, inappropriate and troubling," telling Engoron that "the Court lacks the legal authority under New York law to take judicial notice of news stories."
Robert stated that "consistent with their ethical responsibilities, Defendants’ counsel will not make any statements concerning rumors of any kind involving Mr. Weisselberg." — Meidas Touch Network
Note—Neither lawyer denied that some of Weisselberg’s testimony is false or if they had knowledge of the plea negotiations. Also, Judge Engoron wasn’t basing any decisions on the NYT article alone but was simply seeking their input on the matter.
Of course, Judge Engoron did not take that BS lying down and responded with a more than warranted full-on fury. His letter was addressed to Cliff Roberts, but he also CC’d Alina Habba and Christopher Kise in the judicial pimp slap.
As Per Meidas Touch:
...In a new email, blasted Robert's letter stating that the letter "grossly mischaracterizes the letter" that Engoron wrote, making him feel compelled to respond. Engoron goes on to highlight how he will not take the New York Times article discussing Allen Weisselberg's possible guilty plea into account in issuing his final decision, but if Weisselberg were to plead guilty prior to the issuance of a decision, Engoron would take that into account based on his research on what the law would allow.
The email continues to discuss the ethical obligations of Alina Habba, who is Weisselberg's counsel, and notes that the New York ethics rules would require Habba to disclose whether her client committed perjury on the witness stand. The email concludes by noting that Robert and Habba have consistently questioned Engoron's impartiality since the beginning of the case and that the "whole approach is getting old."
In the same email, Judge Engoron cautions Trump’s counsel that knowing Weisselberg’s testimony was false and trying to cover that shit up—well, that-there is called suborning perjury.
The potential penalty is five years if they are found guilty and convicted of such a crime. Ouch—that’s gonna leave a mark!
Yeah, I think Engoron is done playing.
Tsk, Tsk, Tsk
While Kise and Roberts are also in the potential legal crosshairs of a Weissleberg perjury admission, Alina stands out because her crimes are, IMHO, the most egregious.
For what?
Money—fame? Power?
I hope months of downwind stench were worth it, toots.
Like many others before her, I bet Alina thought she would escape the “Everything Trump Touches Dies,” aka ETTD, curse. Mrs. I’d-Rather-Be-Pretty-Because-I-Can-Pretend-to-Be-Smart could soon discover that pursing her lips in court and trying to look cute won’t save her from the rot of a Trump association.
Alina might fall with a far more brutal “thud” than the men in Trump Co.’s corner. See, that is what happens to female and minority loyalists in the Trump camp. As in any horror movie, they are the most expendable, so when they shoot themselves in the foot trying to save the OFM from encroaching zombies, Trump tosses them to the hungry hordes to save himself without so much as a “Thanks for your service!”
Dealing with Trump always ends the same—always. You’d think they would learn that by now, but I suppose greed, narcissism, and a false sense of entitlement are a hell of a drug.
Evil eats itself
The Prom Queen of Pseudo-intellectualism is poised to reap what she has sown, and I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait. In the words of the incomparable Ville Valo of HIM, “Your pretty face is going to hell.”
Counting down the days.
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