The Oscars will be on tomorrow night.
I don’t care.
I have never cared about the Academy Awards. Watching them is more fun than watching paint dry, but not that much more.
Back in 1974, I watched the Oscars with my boyfriend. Streaking was popular, back then, and, sure enough, as David Niven was about to present something to somebody, there was the slap slap of bare feet, and a well muscled man, with a lot of chest hair, streaked the ceremony.
The audience laughed. The audience cheered. When they were quiet, David Niven said, calmly, “You realize that is the only thing that man will be remembered for, for the rests of his life.”
Proving that he was, possibly, the classiest man who ever lived.
I couldn’t tell you the name of the Best Picture, that year, or the Best Actress or the Best Supporting anyone. I’m not a film buff. The only people who remember Oscar winners are film buffs.
The only time the Oscars are truly memorable is when someone does something unexpected. As when Will Smith smacked the MC for making fun of his wife. Or when some guy streaks the ceremony, or when Hattie McDaniel had to enter the hotel dining room through the kitchen, because she was Black.
There will be some discussion of who was wearing what, designed by whoever.
A family of four could live, comfortably, for several months on what some of the ensembles worn on the red carpet cost.
No one mentions this.
No one mentions the fact that most Hollywood movies are made to entertain 18- to 35-year-old males, because that’s who goes to movies.
Comedies don’t get Academy Awards, so most comedies are crude and tasteless. Because that is what 18 to 35-year-old males find amusing.
Tomorrow night a bunch of rich movie people will congratulate each other for some minor achievements.
I will be watching anything but the Oscars.
I’m sure I’m not the only person who will give them a miss.
We are the wise folk who know that in six months no one will care which movie won an Academy Award, and which one didn’t.
In three years, most of us won’t remember the name of the Best Picture of 2023.
The only way we’ll remember the Academy Awards is if someone does something they shouldn’t during the ceremony.
Otherwise, the Oscars are a hughe snooze.