I've written in-depth about trolls before.
Not once,
but twice. I've even devoted space to discussing
right-wing blog commenters, specifically how to become one yourself. So I, like you, have seen my fair share of trolls.
Still mystifying, to me, is the fact that, no matter how firmly they've been rebutted, trolls come back for more. No matter how often you've thrown the facts in their faces, even doing a victory lap on their just-rebutted comment, they return, spoiling for a fight. A fight you could win with one hand tied behind your back. But a fight that would likely leave everyone muddied.
Of course, as old trolls fade away, new ones emerge, often spouting the same well-worn Republican talking points their predecessors wielded. Or, like other previous annoyances, they stop making sense altogether, another tried-and-true Republican tactic. Either way, as summer approaches, I'd like to introduce you to two new right-wing trolls.
Our first arrival graced my blog Saturday morning. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to
Kevin Meeks:
I am one of the few consrvative democrats. I think Brad Stine is very funny and I agree with most of what he says.
I am even tempted to do a Ronald Reagan and change partys.
The Democrat Party use to stand for the honest working man.
Now they are just a bunch of God hating liberals.
For the purposes of some background, Brad Stine, the man Meeks cites, is a conservative Christian comedian. Thing is, he's
not funny. Not only is Stine not funny, but he's also an
ignorant jackass. He's a moron, so much so that nothing excites me more than the fact that my site offers the top two results for a Google search of "Brad Stine" and "moron".
All I had to do was post one criticism of Stine and I was flooded with comments. Most, of course, from right-wingers. Most scolding me for not finding Jesus. Most lacking in logic, proper grammar and punctuation. Which gets us to Meeks's comment, which can best be described by asking yourself: Huh? Here we have another so-called conservative Democrat, though the word "conservative" must not have an "e" in the universe in which our friend Kevin lives.
Kevin, quick to brandish his liberal bona fides, is even quicker to the defense of Stine, whose defenders include the Rev. Jerry Falwell, a well-known progressive further to the left than Russ Feingold. You remember Falwell, right, Kevin? He was the guy who blamed the September 11 attacks on "the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way - all of them who have tried to secularize America." Think he's funny, too, Kevin?
No sooner does Kevin side with Stine than he likens himself to another rat, Ronald Reagan.
It takes a principled man, Kevin, to praise a man like Reagan, who, before he took office, he snitched to the House Un-American Activities Committee and was responsible for the blacklisting of several "suspected subversives". A man who, once in office, presided over a scandal-ridden presidency that helped chart America's course for the iceberg President Bush is so gleefully steering us toward today. Some role model, Kevin.
But the hilarity doesn't end there. Kevin continues, saying, "The Democrat Party use to stand for the honest working man. Now they are just a bunch of God hating liberals." Now, nothing should tip you off more that our friend isn't a Democrat more than his use of the phrase "Democrat Party". That aside, let's assume he actually is a Democrat. If that's the case, then I welcome his departure from the party. If you're so misguided, Kevin, that you believe what you said, there's little hope for you. Join the dark side. You'll find support there.
Our second new troll, American Patriot, visited my blog Monday night, speaking out in response to a story about our use of chemical weapons in Iraq:
oh please.. War is hell. Bad things happen. Innocent people get killed. That is the nature of war. That does not make people who supported this war in anyway culpable for any of the things you mentioned.
This is why you lefties and Democrats keep losing elections. Americans supported this war in large numbers initially because they know that some action was required to ensure America's future security after what they witnessed from the bloodthirsty Islamic terrorists on 9/11. As long as you Democrats and lefties keep sympathizing with the enemies and don't recognize the great danger from the Islamists and the Middle-East, Americans will never vote for you.
All you do is focus on the bad things and tar our brave men and women serving the military with your broad brush.
Yes, of course, the Haditha killings were wrong and the soldiers must be punished if the charges are true. But you are making it sound like this is common and widespread. It isn't.
I hate to break it to you, but the average American is not going to get hysterical over this issue, as much as the pathetic liberal media and you liberal bloggers desperately try to hype this incident up. Americans support the troops and will continue to do so despite the occasional incidents like this. All you're doing by focussing so much attention on this issue and getting all hysterical is showing why you liberals and Democrats are so completely out of touch with the average American. Please keep it up... because it will ensure mainstream American will never vote for you.
You may recognize the Patriot's style:
Unsolicited advice coming from an obvious right-winger with no stake in a progressive victory. Thanks, but no thanks, Patriot. Is there a single right-wing talking point this comment lacks? War is hell but you won't see me fighting it?
Check. Iraq linked to September 11?
Check. Democrats support the terrorists?
Check. Liberals only focus on the bad news?
Check. Democrats are out-of-touch?
Check. You wanted an unfiltered Republican response?
You got it.
Here's the thing, Patriot. There's a way to fight a war that doesn't include supporting using chemical weapons on civilians. Or torturing prisoners. Or operating secret prisons. Or massacring innocent Iraqis. And there's a way to support the troops without supporting their mission. But nuance is a concept lacking in the Republican mind. As is, apparently, compassion.
No, Patriot, not compassion for the actual enemy. Compassion for the women and children we've needlessly murdered. Compassion for the Americans your president has sent to die in a war based on lies. Only an idiot would believe progressives think every soldier in Iraq is indicative of those at Abu Ghraib or Haditha. But, then again, only idiots would absolve themselves from the guilt-by-association that can only come with supporting an unpopular war criminal like the president.
And that's just it, Patriot: This administration and its policies aren't popular. And the "average American" you cite knows this. You can cite the "liberal media" and "liberal bloggers" all you want, but no amount of rhetorical flourish can shield Americans from the truth. They say the truth hurts, Patriot. Your party will find that out this fall. They also say the truth will set you free. It's high time you heed that advice, my misguided friend.
Will Kevin or the Patriot return? If history is our guide, probably. If they do, however, you can be sure of only one thing: They'll leave logic at home. There's no need for it where they come from.