I want an answer. It should be neatly written and double spaced. The margins should be 1" all the way around the page. Please use Courier font.
On a standard 8-1/2 x 11 sheet of paper this will yield 240-260 words per page.
Please use as many of them as you need to tell me what the fuck is going on. You will get points for neatness.
I would like an explanation why the reincarnation of my 6th grade homeroom teacher except with bad makeup seems to think she's going to spend the rest of her life sitting with the big boys and girls. There are extra points if you find out if she has the same cigarette scented halitosis and annoying habit of leaning in too close over your shoulder when you ask a question in class.
I would like to know if the Right-o-rantists are performing an elaborate version of the "King and I" bewailing their fate at Rove's behest or if they are really unhappy. The AP class has a separate assignment to see if George Will is actually smoking crack, or if maybe I am and the last few months have been a really bad trip.
Sophomores should document the whereabouts of every Dem leader. Then I want them pinned down like butterflys to a foam core board science fair project until they start spouting sense. Please let me know if that happens.
Your assignment is to give me a narrative that is internally consistent and fits all the facts. The poets among you will have to sit out unless you're going to write epic verse. I don't have time for obscure references, unless Jimmy Stewart is involved, and even then only briefly.
Please contrast and compare Bush appointing another of his White House girlfriends to a really important post. Elaborate on the dichotomy of Cheney walking to the car from the hospital and not being heard from since except by phone to stop the hate radio from bleeding out. Discuss the Delay's tragic flaw and whether the curtain has gone down on the fourth act or if this is only intermission.
Those of you who would like to pick your own themes might consider whether the Tightie-Righties have their knickers in a twist over Miers...or not.
The honors class is expected to form small groups and debate whether Reid is the Cheshire cat and all that's visible is the smile as he talks Bush into the mistake of his tenure. Odd numbered groups will examine his role as Coyote trickster calling upon the monster, challenging it to try to eat him. Please tell me if the monster will suceed in blowing Coyote off the mountain -- or if Coyote will rip pieces off the monster and fling them and everywhere they land a new tribe of progressives will be born.
Only without any metaphor. I need really concrete words that tell me what I need to know and how I need to feel.
I want Armondo to sit up late and hold hands with DarkSyde and MeteorBlades and Sterling as they all spin the myth of what the hell is going on until I know which way is up in this Escher painting.
When they're through with their incantations and the ink has dried I want Maryscott to rant something fierce like a blessing. Then maybe I'll get it.
I can't stand all the noise tonight. There are too many voices singing too many songs in too many different keys. I keep trying to shut off the radio, but it's in my head, and the voices each say something different about what Miers means, and peak oil and avian flu. I'm exhausted from not knowing and I understand why no one talks politics at work any more. They're not sure when they open their mouths if it will be pearls or frogs that fall out.
Your answers are due next class period. I would like footnotes.