Middle East Hosts Giant Garage Sale
Hot Climate News Source
Beirut, August 2, 2006
Hezbollah announced plans today to relocate Israel to Oblivion. Sources close to Hezbollah said that these plans have been in the making in various forms for nearly 60 years.
"Initially we'd looked at moving it to Desolation," said Achmed Millawi, Chairman of Lebanon's Department of Housing and Urban Development, "but most of Palestine is already there and we wouldn't want there to be a conflict of interest, or at least the appearance of one."
"Armageddon was a definite possibility," continued Millawi, "and seemed the nearly final--er, perfect solution. But when something seems too good to be true, it usually is."
"Oblivion is beautiful this time of year," said Abu Zarquma, Syria's Deputy Director of Internal Relations. "Once the smoke clears there's undeveloped land as far as the eye can see. It's a paradise of Biblical proportions, especially from those verses way in the back."
"The Abyss just wasn't accommodating enough so we had to take it off the table," said Chalib Ibrahim, Iran's Director of Customer Service. "And The Stone Age we thought was too far away. I think Oblivion is a good compromise."
The proposed move to Oblivion will begin immediately, starting with the brief migration through Carnage, then through Despair, and on to Soul-Crushing Grief and finally through Endless Mourning.
"It won't be an easy endeavor by any means," said Millawi, "but the journey is a lot of the satisfaction in as much as the arrival is. And because Oblivion is contiguous with Into the Sea, everybody wins. So we really feel it's a move in the right direction, so to speak."
Once the relocation is complete, the Palestinians in Desolation will reunite with those currently residing in Circa 1938 and return to Victimhood.
Israel declined to comment on the proposal.