What follows below is a rant inspired by the things that have been pissing me off this past week. It's not as long as some rants, but still pretty good for only being within the last week (and mostly since Friday).
First off, FUCK YOU American Airlines, you worthless sacks of shit! Who the HELL is afraid of landing a plane in above-freezing fog when you have 1 mile visibility? I thought they taught you guys IFR landings for a FUCKING REASON!!!! Now I have to wait another day (exactly 4 months and 10 days) before I can see my girlfriend again. Way to FUCK ME OVER on the one Christmas present I was looking forward to the most.
and What the hell is your fucking problem you "mild winter" candy-assed panzies? Winters are actually GOOD for you! Look at the rankings of the healthiest states in the country. Of the top 10, only 3 (4 if you include Massachusetts) are not "cold winter environments." Oh boo-hoo! I might have to wear a coat! (runs and hides under the bed) or even worse, I might have to shovel the fucking driveway 3 or 4 times a month! Heaven forbid my kids actually play in snow, or experience a white Christmas! Don't you know that snow is really the intelligent creator's dandruff? It's not like we're in fucking Point Barrow, Alaska, for christsakes!
FUCK YOU, America! You guys care more about how much you can spend at Christmas time than about your own fucking government spying on you ILLEGALLY! your priorities are about as well placed as a cactus suppository, and I don't care if you find Happy Holidays offensive, but I'm TOO FUCKING LAZY to wish each and every person a separate greeting for all the different holidays crammed together at the end of the year, especially if I don't know if they're Christian, Jewish, or Costanzan!
FUCK YOU, media! All of it! Print, Broadcast, Cable, movies, fuck you all! You don't care about reporting the truth anymore, you only exist to sell yourselves and pad the pockets of your executives and stockholders. CNN, I don't CARE that group sex clubs have been legalized in Canada! I can think of a few politicians who might be headed there, but really, is that something that merits being one of your headlines? or that Anna Nicole Smith is receiving help from The White House's top Supreme Court Lawyer?
Fuck You, New York Times for withholding a national interest story to protect an Administration just before an election! National Security reasons my ass! They deemed it a matter of National Security to keep their fucking jobs for another 4 years! OPEN YOUR GODDAMNED EYES AND JOIN EVERYDAY AMERICA YOU MORONS!
Fuck you, Hollywood, for keeping Tom Cruise around and not casting him off into some crackwhore infested cesspool where he belongs. Fuck you for not turning out decent films, and FUCK YOU for putting such a god-awful ending onto Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Not that it was my favorite book of the series, but the ending you guys threw on stunk to high heaven!
And I wish I could just shit on the face of my university. Who the hell schedules finals up until 4 pm on December 22nd? Don't you know that some people need to travel, that the transporters in Star Trek don't really exist and that we can't get anywhere instantly?! Some people have to drive across the country (though thankfully not me) to get home for celebrations on Christmas Eve!
And Fuck you Vikings for shooting yourselves in the foot while shooting your wad and fucking up your hopes of playing in the postseason! The only thing making this season worthwhile, aside from Brad Johnson playing like he did in 1997, was that Brett FaRve and the Packers finally had a season deserving of the Wiscani.
Ok, rant's over, I feel better, and probably should have a cookie to get my blood sugar up.