My name is Peter Laesch and you are my Congressman. It might seem strange to you to be writing to you on an internet website. I first moved to your district in 1986. I was 10 years old then. I have since then left several times, but have always called your congressional district home. The first time I left was in 1994 when I served in the active duty Army for four years. I later left home again to attend college. I finally graduated from Eastern Illinois University this past spring. Unfortunately, I received my diploma in the mail and had it posted to me in this lovely town Baghdad. I am sure you have heard of Baghdad Mr. Congressman. It is the town that impressed you with all the lights. I must agree the lights are very impressive in Baghdad.
The other night I was watching the lights in this one building out there in Baghdad. I think the poor night watch man must have been absolutely looney. This one time one of the windows was lit up like a Christmas Tree. It was almost like someone was watching tv. Imagine that for a minute Mr. Congressman? Iraqi's being free to watch television? What freedom that must be! I am not sure who was watching TV in that building but they soon switched off the set and began walking around. Later on about two o'clock in the morning it seemed almost like someone was shining a big powerful flashlight and then switching it off. It was almost like they were trying to signal someone. I'm not sure who they were trying to signal, but it made me wonder if they could see me and all of my wonderful lights. I quickly closed my door, and snatched up all of my chem lights. I'll bet the poor night watch man wasn't even aware I could see him. I am not writing to you though to talk about the lights in Baghdad. I am writing to you Dennis Hastert to ask you to resign. I think you will, once you have heard my case agree with me. Deciding to retire right now will feel good in your conscience. I know you must be struggling with quite a bit Dennis, feeling you owe loyalty to President Bush and thinking Karl Rove has some tremendous amount of dirt to blackmail you. No matter what you've done, I think you will just feel so much better about yourself if you just come clean with the voters and do the patriotic thing and resign.
Here is my case:
1. There are persistent rumors that you did not want to run for re-election this year. If this is true then you are doing something that your heart is not in. This is something I cannot encourage you to do Dennis. If you don't want to be Congressman than you should retire now, and give the local Republican party time to find a suitable candidate who can think on his own two feet and hasn't had his brain hijacked by Karl Rove. You are in essence being dishonest with the voters if this is true.
2. I have heard that you are not well. I am not sure what precisely the case is, but if you are having health problems that are keeping you from doing your job then you ought to look after yourself first. No preconceived political loyalty is worth cashing in your chips to see the man upstairs. You can have a nice retirement. If you agree to cooperate with next year's congressional investigations we might even offer you immunity from prosecution and let you keep your millions. I know the thought of fleeing to Canada has occurred to me as well, but were gonna let you stay in the USA.
3. You really don't have any political issues working for you this year. You can't claim to be pro-family after supporting this war that has ripped apart so many families, and separated so many loved ones sometimes for 2-4 years at a time. Tying the minimum wage to an inheritance tax for your children was also a bit cheeky on your part. That doesn't look good in the pro-family department either. Really, all that proved is that you and your Republican buddies You might even have a little trouble convincing people that your pro-life anymore too. I can't imagine anyone who supports a war to embrace life. While I have been blessed by God to have the leaders I do have over here I could have it much worse. I'm not sure what seems to be wrong with the chaps that want to pick a fight with our fifty caliber machine guns but I can guarantee you they lose everyday. I heard someone say over here that "Darwin's Law" must be catching up with them, but I know you don't believe in evolution. Doesn't that seem interesting to you how the war just took away two of your issues? Family and Life! Even with all of your good intentions with limiting abortions I think Lindy Scott said it best: "Republicans are pro-birth." It is plainly obvious that after birth you really don't care what kind of poverty someone will fall into. Taxes-I must say I'm quite pleased not paying taxes this year. It is absolutely great. I know what your thinking there is that great issue that always plays out for you in Morality! I know you brought up that wonderful tag of Gay marraige earlier this summer. Dennis, Dennis, Dennis, I don't care what gays do as long as they do it quietly, between adults and in private. I think America feels the same way Dennis. Did you know there are some Gays in the military defending your freedom? Amazing isn't it? But yet you Republicans keep bringing that issue up. I know your not as bad as Rick Santorum, but we are slightly curious what the unhealthy fixation with gay sex is. Hmmm! Should I go into morality further? Well, all things are subject to debate Dennis. In the end I am quite confident that God will hold you to account for the things you've done.
4. I suppose I have to bring up this War Dennis. I must say I am incredibly grateful to all of you Republicans for this terrific job creation program. I mean creating American Jobs in Baghdad who would have thought? I must ask though when it was sold to George-Did you tell him Baghdad was a city near Baltimore? Either, way I am grateful for a great job, with wonderful people and seeing many sights I would never ever see. You might be wondering what was my last job before I joined the Army again? I was actually a business man believe it or not! I was an independant contracted courier in Chicago. Wow! Now I'm sure your thinking I could be a Republican being in Business. But to be honest Dennis, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. When i factored out gasoline costs I was able to keep an incredible 2.50 each hour I worked. The shocking thing is that was when gasoline cost 1.75 a gallon. I'm sure Americans are longing for those days again as it seems the price of gas will surely spike to 4 dollars a gallon soon.
5. I promised you I was going to talk about the war didn't I? Well, the other day I went to Burger King. (Undoubtedly you have been to Burger King before haven't you Denny?) Waiting behind me in this line was this young chap about 21 years old. "I hope I get out of this place alive!" he remarked to myself and this other civilian man in line. "I have four months left," he says. "I hope I make it!" he says caustically. "You will make it" the civilian man says, "you just need to pay attention to what your doing out there!" Wow! pay attention! I'll bet it reminds you of Teaching Denny, I'm sure you had plenty of students who wouldn't pay attention. They probably figured you didn't know what your talking about. (thoughts students often have for teachers) Sitting down on the concrete I engaged this Joe a little further. It turns out he has been hit with an IED every night the last two weeks. He told me that soon they won't have anything left to drive. He says: "I feel like were driving around waiting to get blown up." Suddenly, I cannot explain it denny, but I didn't really feel like eating my chicken sandwich or my french fries. Close your eyes for a minute and imagine yourself in his shoes. Its hard I know, but you can do it if you try.
Before you Retire Denny-I think you should tell Dear Old George and donny Rumsfeld to up Humvee production oh just a tad! Someone's life might depend on it. Sleep Well!
Don't forget to say a special hello to Mr. Brad hahn and that smiley guy you see on John's website http://www.john06.com