This is getting out of hand, don't you think?
Just picked up my Soaring Eagle News, which I've been reading ever since the government closed down my hometown paper, and look what I found...
Alabama governor signs statewide repeal of Emancipation Proclamation
Soaring Eagle News | March 7, 2006
MONTGOMERY -- The Republican governor of Alabama signed a law this morning legalizing slavery once again in the state, directly challenging the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution, ratified 141 years ago.
Slavery proponents hope to use the Alabama law to eventually bring the issue back to the high court, where they believe conservatives added to the bench by President Bush and others who may join it in the future could weaken or dismantle Abraham Lincoln's landmark Emancipation Proclamation of 1863.
And they may be right. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has already said of the new law, "I see no reason why a passage is constitutional just because it happens to appear in the Constitution. I'm a strict constructionist - an originalist - and I believe in interpreting the Constitution exactly as the framers intended it. I don't want to hear this `living, breathing document' prattle. You didn't see the Thirteenth Amendment in there when the document was written, did you? Come to think of it, I'm not so keen on those first ten, either."
The slavery measure, passed by the Alabama Legislature on Feb. 26, would "reinstate slavery at once in Alabama," Riley said in approving the law. "Yee-hawww!", the governor added, immediately taking hold of his banjo and picking out a happy tune.
The move is seen by most as a response to South Dakota's abortion ban, signed into law Monday. "We didn't want to be outdone by South Dakota," a gubernatorial staffer said. "Merely flouting a Supreme Court decision is admirable, but we decided to go right after the Constitution itself. Just the liberal parts that shouldn't be in there. We're leading the way, and the American people are clearly behind us. Alabamians can't wait for the giant wireless surveillance crucifixes to go up in all public areas, either. It's about dag-gum time. Let's see Iraq try and attack Alabama now!"
Dr. James Dobson, who heads the conservative group Focus on the Family and has long opposed the Thirteenth Amendment, praised the bill. "The Bible clearly teaches that slavery is not only acceptable, but it is an integral part of God's plan. The shiftless must be subjugated," Dobson said. "I want to express my appreciation to the leaders of the Republican Party for turning the tide in America."
A few unpatriotic critics, whom the FBI has already begun to investigate, raised some unfounded concerns. "This law is a monumental setback for equality and human rights in Alabama and across the country," blathered unstable liberal flamer Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, in a typical display of uninformed blowhard verbiage. "Pro-slavery politicians in several other states are pushing similar repeals. President Bush has created a climate with his judicial appointments in which pro-slavery lawmakers feel emboldened."
Backers of the repeal "believe that abolition is wrong because entrepreneurs cannot get access to affordable labor, making them the most vulnerable and most helpless persons in our society. I agree," Riley said.
Update: I can't believe I actually have to indicate this, but this is not real. I made it up. It's not that believable ... is it?