From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
New Rule:
George Bush has to stop laughing at himself. When your incompetence literally costs lives, giggling at it isn't cute or funny. You know, there's a guy who's been running around the country pretending he's the president. And I believe his name is George Bush. And he wants everyone to know that he doesn't take himself too seriously. Which is working out great, because now nobody else in the world does either. [...]
So, Mr. President, don't laugh at yourself, because breaking the law is not cute. Having Americans torture people isn't adorable. Leaving poor people to drown wasn't enchanting. And WMD's wasn't a shaggy dog story. So I'll make a deal with you. We won't impeach you if you just stay on your estate---I mean "ranch"---and fish on your man-made lake. For perch. Maybe you'll beat your own record.
But, for the next three years, just don't touch anything. I was wrong when I criticized you for taking too much vacation time. It couldn't be more the reverse. Take all the "me" days you want. But if you get any big ideas and try to do something---y'know, like go to Mars or put the Ten Commandments on the flag or turn the ports over to the Amish---then we're going to have to put you in the only place we can be sure we can be safe from you. And it looks like this.
---Bill Maher
I hope there's room in there for his stationary bike. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Note: Surprise! It's random drug test day. If your last name begins with A, D, G, K, L, M, P, R, S, T or W, please pee into your A drive.
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By the Numbers:
Days `til Memorial Day: 12
Days `til the YearlyKos convention in Las Vegas June 8-11: 22
Inches of rain that have fallen in York, Maine since last Tuesday: 14.3"
Percent of Americans dissatisfied with the way things are going now: 71%
Percent who want Democrats to control Congress: 52%
Percent who want Republicans to control Congress: 35%
(Source: Newsweek poll)
Americans injured each year by lawn mowers (mostly from spitting rocks): 80,000
(Source: New York Times via The Week magazine)
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Your Puppy Pic of the Day: Lifestyles of the rich and canine.
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CHEERS to Adam and Steve & Adeline and Eve. Happy Anniversary!! Same-sex couples started getting married---fer real---in Massachusetts two years ago today. And as if to mark the occasion, a judge in Georgia has nixed the state's voter-sanctioned ban on gay marriage (it violated the "single subject rule" in their constitution by lumping civil unions into the ballot question). Says Beth Littrell of Georgia's ACLU: "Civil unions and marriages are different things and people feel differently about them, and they need to be able to vote on them separately."
P.S. Memo to Tony Perkins at the Family Research Council from gay married couples: "Boo!" (Oops...he crapped his pants.)
JEERS to roller coasters we'd rather not ride. (via C&J'er PBen). Have you seen this graph of America's deficits through history? Frame a copy and give it to your kid---by the time we pay this thing off it'll have become a cherished family heirloom passed down for generations. (Cue YearlyKos attendee Howard Dean: "You cannot trust Republicans with your money!")
JEERS to crooks on parade. 32 years ago, the Watergate hearings began. We'll leave it to your own imagination how Fox News and Rush Limbaugh would've spun events in favor of Saint Nixon---we don't have the stomach to go there ourselves.
CHEERS to sneak previews. On The Chris Matthews Show last weekend, Howard Fineman revealed that, around Labor Day, the Democratic leadership will unleash something called "The Plan," a document that will present the party's, um, contract with America. Fineman says it will play defense as well as offense (i.e. what the party plans to do and what it doesn't plan to do), to help preempt ambushes by Karl Rove and his thugs. Make them words crackle, kids...
JEERS to Mother Nature on steroids. As if to offer a glimpse of the impact of global warming, much of New England became a giant waterlogged sponge this week before the rain came to a merciful end yesterday. Assuming I finish carving a giant rudder in time, I intend to float our apartment out into Casco Bay for a little sunset cruise.
CHEERS to great moments in capitalism. 214 years ago, merchants formed the NY Stock Exchange at 70 Wall Street. It was quickly followed by the formation of the first ulcers.
JEERS to the Spirograph defense. The "Bush First" apologist crowd is claiming that the latest NSA brouhaha---in which most of the major telcom giants sold your and my phone records to the gub'ment---is nothing more than a tea-time discussion about "patterns...pretty pretty patterns." No, it's about oversight accountability and---as Nat Hentoff explains in today's must-read---that pesky fourth amendment:
[T]hese are calls made by "ordinary Americans," not suspects. Since the NSA does not go to any court for warrants for its analysis of these records, there is no probable cause. As such, I would ask [General Michael] Hayden how he fits reasonable suspicion into this ever-expanding web.
This database might be shared with the CIA, the FBI and other agencies. The "call-detail" records do not have your name, address or other personal data, and the NSA is not eavesdropping. Even so, any agency can easily cross-reference those phone numbers with databases that do have your name, address and much more.
We fully expect the Kool-aid Krowd to follow their traditional pattern: ignoring reality.
YAAAAWN to the non-bump. While a new Zogby poll shows half of Americans liked Bush's immigration Hail-Mary pass Monday night, his popularity sank again to 32 percent. Meanwhile the new ABC News/Washington Post poll has him at 33 percent, another all-time low. Owee Zowee.
JEERS to Studly McGullible. A Belgian study shows that the more macho the man, the easier it is for a woman to disarm him. Their conclusion: "If you know ahead of time that you will have to deal or bargain with an attractive lady, take a cold shower---the more your libido shrinks, the more your intelligence grows." Or do what we did: turn gay---it drive's `em nuts.
CHEERS to landmark cases. 52 years ago, the U.S. Supreme Court handed down its unanimous opinion in Brown vs. Board of Education, ending racial segregation in public schools. Unfortunately, school cafeteria servers took it as a sign to also end segregation of creamed corn and Jell-O on public school lunch trays.
JEERS to the lunatic fringe. Gee, we didn't see this coming or anything: the immigration dustup has encouraged right-wing, ultra-conservative hate groups to slither out of their holes...
The debate over immigration "has been critical to the growth of the hate movement," says Mark Potok, editor of the [Southern Poverty Law Center's] quarterly report on extremists. "More and more groups are turning to immigration to help recruitment." Potok says the center has seen increasing signs that groups that have encouraged a particularly aggressive response to illegal immigration are working with neo-Nazi organizations to try to intimidate illegal immigrants.
But, in fairness, we hear they make the most delightful cinnamon-raisin swastika cookies.
CHEERS to great movie loonies. Edge-walker Dennis Hopper turns 70 today. But be careful which beer you toast Blue Velvet's Frank Booth with: "Heineken!?? F--k that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!"
JEERS to the need for federal assistance. The first food stamps were issued 66 years ago today. Dip `em in salsa and they ain't half bad.
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One Year Ago in C&J: May 17, 2005:
CHEERS or JEERS to pistols at dawn. Their negotiations stymied, Harry Reid and Bill Frist shook hands, kissed, hugged, playfully tousled each other's hair, exchanged iPod playlists...and then moved to opposite ends of Dodge City's dusty main street in preparation for a historic duel over the filibuster. Perhaps it's best if the children hid in the cellar for awhile...this could get ugly.
CHEERS to parcel post pinot. A toast to activist judges! The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that wineries can now sell their libations by mail order. You'll know the ruling is in effect when you see your postal carrier stumbling down the block barking at the neighbors.
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And just one more...
JEERS to Madison Avenue. (via Boing Boing). During the Greatest Generation's war, advertisers weren't afraid to show our troops romping naked on the beach. But today our brave soldiers serving in Afghanistan and Iraq are virtually ignored by the pipe-smoking marketing elite. We intend to change that. Here's the first salvo in our new nationwide ad campaign:
"Support Our Troops...Buy Acme Canteens and boots from L.L. Bean!"
Where will I put all the awards??
Floor's open...what are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"Cheers and Jeers is so involved with crashes at all levels."
---Elly Martin
National Highway Traffic Safety Administration
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