I've written much about my transformation from `dittohead', or `larval stage human being', into the majestic progressive butterfly that flits before you in these diaries. I've told you about the influences of my parents, my gay friend, Sean Hannity, Al Franken, and others. But there's one person who I haven't mentioned who, truth be told, probably deserves a lot of the credit--my wife, Becky.
We met 10 years ago today. At the time I had just (essentially) flunked out of U.T. Knoxville (a stunning accomplishment even in 1994). I was broke and living with my parents while I finished college locally at the University of Memphis. She was finishing up her graduate degree at the same university, and was coming off a relationship with a hockey playing Harvard grad who earned big money working for a local security firm. Fortunately for me, he was not her type. No, Becky preferred a challenge, and if there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm challenging. Or challenged. Or both.
We were set up on a blind `double date' by some mutual friends of ours. I had known Sandy and Winston since high school. Becky knew them both as room mates, even though Sandy was the only one who was SUPPOSED to be staying in the on-campus apartment.
We went to a little Italian place up the road from my parent's house. The conversation was great. Having friends there helped us get past the initial awkward stage of blind dating. Unfortunately I slid into familiarity a little too quickly, and began telling college drinking stories. Hopefully that does some explaining as to why I was flunking out of a marginal state school.
Becky was friendly, funny, and gorgeous. In short, she was way out of my league. With the little money I had, I paid for our dinner. Becky thanked me and said I didn't have to do that. Desperate for any sign of rejection, I latched on to that innocuous phrase as a sign that I had no chance. So remember ladies, never thank a man for buying your dinner unnecessarily...because it shows you're not interested...somehow...
Anyhoo, we went back to our friends apartment and watched a truly horrible John Cleese movie. Before the movie started I took off my glasses. I had these `Harry Potter-esque,' round, black-rimmed glasses that I thought made me look silly. But without them I couldn't really see the movie. Maybe that's why I didn't like it. It turns out that Becky liked the glasses, and was disappointed when I took them off. Man, am I great first date material or what?
She drove straight home after the movie was over. My friends had to drive me home because my car was in the shop. I thanked them for the effort, but I couldn't imagine that things would work out.
I ran into Sandy between classes one day, and she said Becky wanted me to call her. Really!? She wanted me to call her!? I was delirious. The day absolutely crawled by. Finally I called. We talked. It was great! We decided to go on our first `grown-up' date that Friday night. We ate at The Cooker, and went to see `Immortal Beloved.' I don't know how you could ask for a better second date (or first `real' date). Three years later, on Valentine's Day, we would be married.
But a larger problem remained. My wife was a Democrat, and I was a dittiot. This sounds like the set-up for a really bad UPN comedy (or in simpler language, a UPN comedy). Were we on a collision course with wackiness? How could the two of us get along?
The answer is `surprisingly well.' Over the years I had become socially quite liberal. In 2000 I famously stated that I was voting for Bush based on fiscal issues, because I figured the social issues were off the table. What's he gonna do? Ban gay marriage and try to restrict abortion? The social issues were more important to Becky, and I didn't begrudge her voting for Gore. It made sense to her, and that's all that mattered to me.
In 10 years together I can only think of 2 occasions when our political beliefs sort of freaked out one or the other. I'll go ahead and cop to mine, because I'm embarrassed by it now. In the weeks following September 11th, I said "I'm sure glad Bush is President today, and not Al Gore." Becky defended Al saying that he would have done the same thing Bush is doing. At the time I just quietly agreed even though I was thinking, "If only my wife understood politics, she'd be a Republican!" God, I was such a tool.
Through it all she has supported me. There was never any pressure to `come over to the good side.' I've mentioned this before, but she was there the very moment I left the Republican Party. We were on vacation in Colorado, and W had just come on the TV to say we needed a Constitutional amendment to protect the `sanctity of marriage.' She could just see it in my eyes. "That's it, isn't it? You're done?" She wasn't saying it like "Dear God I hope you're done", or "I told you so." She was legitimately sad that I had been so let down by a guy I supported. "Yeah...that's it...I'm out."
If you've read some of my earlier diaries you know that this isn't the only reason, nor did it happen suddenly. But it was the last straw, and the beginning of many great "welcomes" I've had since crossing over (including one from Congressman Harold Ford, Jr.). But of all the welcomes I've had to the Democratic Party, I still say hers was the best. I'm lucky to have her.
In June 2004 we started toasting "John Kerry, 2004." When we didn't have wine, we'd toast with glasses of milk or Diet Coke. In a pinch we would even `tink' our McDonald's hamburgers together. Unfortunately our toast didn't work out, so tonight let's start a new one. Here's to 10 more years of love, now on the same side of the fence! {tink}
Thank you, honey. I love you.