Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

What the Terrorists Want

I lived for 5 years in Dusseldorf, Germany in the late 70s when I was just a li'l nipper. Terrorism was a fact of life there and throughout Europe. The police carried machine guns, bombs went off, people were kidnapped or killed...and LIFE WENT ON.  

Terrorism wasn't politicized---it was just dealt with. People were neither scared nor told to be scared (and they sure as hell weren't told to "go shopping" to ease their minds). When I think about how the United States' leadership has gone into a deliberate "Chicken Little" phase since 9/11, I feel embarrassed. So "Security Guru" Bruce Schneier's Thursday column hit me like a ton `o bricks. No two sets of brainwaves were ever more in synch than his and mine. Here's an excerpt---you should read all of it and forward it to anyone with an email address:

I'd like everyone to take a deep breath and listen for a minute.

The point of terrorism is to cause terror, sometimes to further a political goal and sometimes out of sheer hatred. The people terrorists kill are not the targets; they are collateral damage. And blowing up planes, trains, markets or buses is not the goal; those are just tactics. The real targets of terrorism are the rest of us: the billions of us who are not killed but are terrorized because of the killing. The real point of terrorism is not the act itself, but our reaction to the act.

And we're doing exactly what the terrorists want. [...]

Imagine for a moment that the British government arrested the 23 suspects without fanfare. Imagine that the TSA and its European counterparts didn't engage in pointless airline-security measures like banning liquids. And imagine that the press didn't write about it endlessly, and that the politicians didn't use the event to remind us all how scared we should be. If we'd reacted that way, then the terrorists would have truly failed.

It's time we calm down and fight terror with antiterror. This does not mean that we simply roll over and accept terrorism. There are things our government can and should do to fight terrorism, most of them involving intelligence and investigation---and not focusing on specific plots. [...]

The surest defense against terrorism is to refuse to be terrorized. Our job is to recognize that terrorism is just one of the risks we face, and not a particularly common one at that. And our job is to fight those politicians who use fear as an excuse to take away our liberties and promote "security theater" that wastes money and doesn't make us any safer.

The above should be drafted into a bill and become the law of the land by unanimous consent. It won't---`cause them Republicans luvs their terra.

Oh...this is the last weekend of August, so don't forget to turn your clocks back 24 hours.  Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, August 25, 2006

Note:  At the risk of making you faint dead away, C&J is taking a break from C&J next Tuesday and Wednesday.  After our Vatican-ordered "relaxing vacation," we'll return on Thursday, August 31.  As a woman.

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By the Numbers:
Days `til the mid-term elections: 74
Days `til the Blue Hill Fair: 6
Change in the number of people listed in the New Orleans phone book compared to last year: -100,000
(Source: Times Picayune via The Week magazine)
Percent of the country's 7,382 state legislators who are women: 20%
(Source: USA Today via The Week)
Amount of weight a human hair can support: 3 kilograms
Length of time humans spend as a single cell: 30 minutes
(Source: The kids at Worsley School in Alberta)

And from the Department of No-Land Security:

Days the color-coded federal terror alert system has been in place: 1,621
Days spent at terror alert level Blue or Green: 0

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Your Puppy Pic of the Day:  "Ho Ho Ho!  Only four months to go!"

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CHEERS to Plan B.  The FDA says it's okay to sell the "morning-after pill" without a prescription.  I popped a few around 6 but I still have my hangover.  Where are those damn directions...

DOUBLE CHEERS to a sharp poke in the eye.  Bush's base is not happy with the Plan B decision.  Like Tony Perkins at the "Family" "Research" "Council":

"Congress must respond to this outrageous action by the FDA. Family Research Council is pursuing legal and legislative options against the FDA for its deliberate disregard for women's health and the law."

Janice at Concerned Shrews of America:

Sadly, there will be no recourse for those who fall victim to this social experiment. America's women and girls are, once again, subjected to medical experimentation at the urging of those who want to be free of the consequences from sexually [sic] promiscuity.

And let's not forget James Dobson, the perv at Focus on the Family who says dads can prevent their kids from turning gay if they take them "...into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger."  He ain't happy either:

"President Bush has a solid track record supporting parent's [sic] rights but he's missed the mark with this endorsement."

Oh James...you're sexy when you seethe. Pass the soap, Hercules.

JEERS to the Commander Colonel Klink-in-Chief.  Fresh out of volunteers willing to die for---what, again??---President Bush is calling up 2,500 (for now) inactive Marines for 12- to 18-month tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.  And Wednesday, via Kossack Theophilus, we learned that a 60 year-old was called up for combat duty.  Memo to all you World War II veterans: stay close to your phones, ya hear?

CHEERS to happy endings.  That restaurant in India called "Hitler's Cross" has seen the error of its ways and is changing its name to sever its association with the Nazi dictator.  It's now called "Goebbels' Bistro."

JEERS to dueling realities.  Check out the first two paragraphs of USA Today's article that leads with the glowing headline, Top U.S. generals: Baghdad effort curbing violence:

America's two top generals in the Middle East said Thursday a security operation in Baghdad was helping curb violence after a surge of bombings and shootings there in recent months.

But the bloodshed persisted with three car bombs in Baghdad and a series of bombings and shootings across the country killing at least 16 Iraqis and two U.S. soldiers on Thursday. Another U.S. soldier was killed the previous day, the military said.

After reading the whole article, we humbly submit to the editors a new headline:  Baghdad: WTF???

CHEERS to getting URL'd. (via Tom Schaller at The Gadflyer)  Joe Lieberman is running as the candidate of the "Connecticut For Lieberman" party, right?  So surely his web team was savvy enough to "take five minutes and $30" to snag the web address connecticutforlieberman.com right?  Um...take a look for yourself.  Here, Liebergeniuses...you can borrow my Advil.  I'm sure you need it more than I do.

CHEERS to the Keystone Cops.  Thanks to a Pennsylvania Supreme Court ruling, Ralph Nader has to cough up $80,000 to pay for his shenanigans in 2004:

A group of Pennsylvania voters sued to block Mr. Nader and [his '04 running mate] Peter Miguel Camejo, who were running as independent candidates, from being placed on the ballot.  As a result of the lawsuit, the state Commonwealth Court found wide-ranging improprieties among Mr. Nader and Mr. Camejo's petition signatures and disqualified nearly two-thirds of the 51,000 signatures they submitted.

The Commonwealth Court opinion described the Nader-Camejo petitions as "the most deceitful and fraudulent exercise ever perpetrated upon this court."  Signatures were filed for "Mickey Mouse" and "Fred Flintstone," and thousands of names were created at random, the lower court found.

Wow...could they stoop any lower?  Oh yeah...they sure could.

CHEERS to more Maher.  Real Time with Bill Maher returns to HBO for a new season tonight.  Guests include Markos Moulitsas, who will issue a nationwide mea culpa for taking a "very relaxing, very nice vacation."  Elitist latté-chugger...

CHEERS to beautifully warped minds.  Tim Burton turns 48 today.  `Ed Wood' and `Beetlejuice' remain two of our all-time favorites.  And those Mars guys just keep getting better with age. Ack Ack!!  (Translation: "Take the poll before I vaporize yo Earthling ass.")

JEERS to having our eyes averted for us.  Eric Effron at The Week magazine compares the media coverage of the carnage in Iraq (involving American troops) and the Israel/Lebanon violence (not involving American troops):

[W]hile news coverage of the fighting in Lebanon has been relentless and strikingly vivid, the same cannot be said of the war in Iraq. Thanks to a combination of military controls, self-censorship by the media, and the far-flung nature of the battle, Americans have been privy to virtually no pictures of wounded or dead GIs. We don't even get to glimpse the coffins. Images of the war's massive toll on civilians have been just as elusive. In July, the insurgency and the sectarian warfare in Iraq claimed 3,438 Iraqi civilians, according to the Iraqi Health Ministry--that's an average of 110 a day.

The deaths of far fewer civilians in Lebanon have generated far more outcry, no doubt in part because we have been unable to avoid those pictures. Yet much of the carnage in Iraq has been invisible to us. This may be one reason the war can at times seem more surreal than real, something vaguely taking place on the periphery of our vision. It's so easy not to see.

Sorry, could you repeat that?  I was reading about John Karr's shoe size (is it really size 9...or is he deliberately yanking our chain?  I want answers, Larry King!)

CHEERS to fossil fuel finds.  147 years ago Sunday, in 1859, the first successful oil well was drilled near Titusville, PA.  It was successful because none of the Bush family was involved.

JEERS unwelcome squatters.  Speaking of the Beverly Bushbillies, George Jr. is crashing at his mom and dad's place in Kennebunkport, Maine this weekend.  Hundreds are expected to take part in a protest march tomorrow while he's off trolling for stripers in pa's rowboat.  To see what'll be going through his mind, Click here.  Boys and their toys...

CHEERS to being 5 years young.  Admit it---Kindergarten is as good as it gets.  The toys, the playground, the naps...and no homework.  Well, you can thank the St. Louis Board of Education for that blissful year---it opened the first kindergarten on tomorrow's date in 1873.  Let us raise a jar of Elmer's Paste, pee our pants, and salute the good times.

JEERS to mocking my bloomers.  My partner, Michael, had to do an emergency load of laundry yesterday because he'd run out of underwear.  "Why don't you just wear a pair of mine," said I, kindly and without regard for my own dwindling supply of sanitized briefs.  The reply: "If I wore yours I'd need suspenders!"  If anyone needs me, I'll be in my trailer.  Crying in my nachos and ice cream.

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One Year Ago in C&J: August 25, 2005...

JEERS to crocodile tears.  Pat Robertson---after spending the day cynically holed up with his thugs at CBN trying to figure out how to justify his wingnuttiness---finally apologizes through gritted teeth for urging the assassination of Hugo Chávez (but not, of course, without comparing the Venezuelan leader to Hitler in his press release---it's a requirement these days).  The last thing on the Reverend's mind through all this: following the non-violent teachings of a certain Jesus "Where Do These Idiots Come From?" Christ.

CHEERS to something we haven't made worse in Iraq.  A huge salt marsh believed to be the site of the Garden of Eden---if ya believe in that sort of thing---is being restored after being drained by Saddam Hussein.  The U.S. project has been so successful that the marsh is almost 40% restored.  The only glitch: it was accidentally re-populated with Budweiser frogs.

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And just one more...

CHEERS to Kossack Red Bean.  For summing up the wonderfully messy community that is DailyKos.  From yesterday's C&J comments:

Cheers to Kos. He says "Jump" and we say "But when you think about it, what is "jumping?" And some of us say "Jump?!! Are you nuts? Somersault!!" And some others of us say "I jumped already, where have you been?" And others "No jumping until after the primary". And "That's awfully close to the DLC position." Or "I jumped once and then I saw a Green Party member jump and after that I decided, fuck jumping." And some of us say "A little jumping is OK." And others "If you give the "j" the Spanish pronunciation then the word jump sounds sort of dirty, heh, heh." And "back in the sixties we didn't just jump we leaped." And "I'll jump as long as long as I know when I land I'm landing on Ken Mehlman's head." And "They've been jumping in France for six years already, what is taking us so long?" And...

And Floor's open... What are you cheering and jeering jumping about today?

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