A few weeks before Christmas, my co-worker Deb took me out for coffee to tell me the sad story of her marriage. After listening to her tell me her story, and after witnessing the events of the last few months, I've come to the conclusion that Deb and the Democrats have a lot in common. And it's not healthy.
Deb told me how her husband Ron had spent the summer criticizing her stay-at-home ways. Deb has not worked since being laid off from her job last spring. During the summer Ron would come home from work and snap at Deb, saying such things as, "Why are you always just sitting around when I come home? C'mon, get a life! Get some hobbies! Do something!"
So as autumn began, Deb joined a book club. Imagine her hurt surprise when, after returning from the second meeting of her club, Ron said sarcastically, "Well that sure was worth your not having dinner ready when I came home! Jesus, you and your girl friends just sit around yakking about a book? Sure must be nice to have all that time to waste!"
So Deb dropped the book club and joined the local Y. She met with a trainer and started an exercise program. And wouldn't you know it, Ron criticized that activity, too, accusing Deb of trying to look better so that she'd attract another man. Not wanting to give Ron the wrong idea, Deb quit the Y the very next day. Of course, a week later Ron lit into her again for just sitting around and "not having a life."
So the recent travails of the Democratic Party have put me in mind of Ron and Deb. The Republicans (and their amen corner in the establishment media) accuse the Democrats of "not having any ideas." "Sure the GOP is having its problems," say the media scornfully, "but where are the Democrats' ideas? What would the Democrats do if they were in charge?" But what happens when a Democrat advances an idea? Jack Murtha points out that the US is in the middle of a shooting gallery in Iraq and should pull back its troops. The Republicans charge that Rep. Murtha is a "coward" and is advocating a "cut and run" strategy. And the rest of the Democrats, not wanting to risk more anger or accusations from the Republicans (and their allies in the media), meekly acquiesce.
Then Senator Feingold points out that the President has broken the law and should be held to account. The reaction to this eminently logical position? "Senator Feingold is grand-standing! He's a loony! He's helping the GOP!" And, predictably, the Democrats fold, again not wanting to risk the scorn of Republicans and the media.
Deb and Ron, meet the Dems and the Republicans. Each "couple" is co-dependent. Ron claims that Deb should get out more, and yet every activity she chooses is also wrong in Ron's eyes. The Republicans claim that the Democrats have no ideas, and yet every time they advance an idea it gets shouted down as wacky or irresponsible or dangerous or a comfort to "the enemy." For months Deb agonized over what she was doing wrong and mourned the fact that every choice she made was a bad one.
Well, just last week Deb told me that she'd finally seen the light. With the help of a therapist, she'd come to see that Ron was abusing her and manipulating her. Of course everything she did was wrong ... that was Ron's plan all along, to keep her in a state of co-dependency, to keep her always hoping to gain the approval that was NEVER going to be granted.
So Deb has moved out. Ron has already started begging her to come back. She's still not sure what she's going to do about her marriage. But she's begun the process of winning back her self-respect.
If only the Democrats had her courage and her resolve. If only they could come to the realization that, no matter what they do -- if they don't have any "new ideas" or if they do -- they are going to get slammed by the Repubs and by their Amen Corner in the media. If only they realized that co-dependency requires the consent of both partners, and that finally they have to say, "No more!" They'd get a whole lot more respect, from their opponents and from voters, if they did.