I was realizing this week that I have started losing track, in the flood of GOP scandals this year, of some of the horrible and embarrassing things that they've done. There are just too many to keep straight. I hate to let anything slip through the cracks, though, so I've constructed this little poem, most of which is in the form of a "GOP Scandal Alphabet," to help keep them in mind. I'm considering it to be a sort of Wikipoem, subject to revision (both for fact-checking, style, and scandals missed), so feel free to dig in and to transfer it to other venues. I do plan to cross-post it myself, but haven't decided where.
It starts off:
"A is for Abramoff's channeled donations /
To GOP pockets from Indian nations"
and goes on from there. I hope you'll follow me across the jump and enjoy the whole thing. Plus there's a poll in which you can choose your favorite scandal. Enjoy!
THE GOP SCANDAL ALPHABET
A is for Abramoff's channeled donations
To GOP pockets from Indian nations
B is for boats, kickbacks, and other graft
Duke Cunningham took (Ney, he won't be the last)
C is for the Coverup of the Plame Smear
(Libby and Rove will be convicted next year)
D's for DeLay's bribes, misconduct and worse
(Hey, give me a break, I've got only one verse)
E's for environment: pollute, cut, and drill
And lie about all (just to sharpen your skill)
F is for Frist lying `bout his "blind trust"
Which he oversaw so he wouldn't go bust
G is for Gannon, who's beyond belief
Gay whore, back-door access - that's comic relief!
H is for "Holy Men" - self-righteous horde
(Wasn't it Pharisees Jesus deplored?)
I's for Intelligence: cooked, overseas;
But keep science out of the schools, if you please
J is for Justices - nominate liars
Or wingnuts or cronies like Harriet Miers
K's for Katrina - how many did drown
While waiting for rescue from Heckuva Brown?
L is for Legal Access to Plan B
"Screw science" is their women's health policy
M is for Miller, "embedded reporter" -
A New York Times mole `til the blogosphere caught her
N is for Norquist - and, hey there, Ralph Reed -
Scandals envelop the worst of the breed
O was the Outing of Valerie Plame
(They needn't defend if they always defame)
P is for Patrick Fitzgerald: next year
Scandals abound as he spreads Fitzmas cheer
Q is for Questioning - really, don't bother
Just take dictation from the Great Right Father
R's for Redistricting - Texas, despite
The Voting Right Act, made, from Might, lots of Right
S for Surveillance, Domestic, Illegal
(The Preznit's allowed, ever since he got regal)
T is for tax cuts for rich ne'er-do-wells
While poor people freeze and the deficit swells
U's for Usama (an alternate spelling)
Who they've let stay safe in an alternate dwelling
V's Vegetative, a sad mental state
In which they'd still make Terry Schiavo wait
W's Weapons Unfound in Iraq
Where unarmored soldiers face constant attack
X for Xtreme methods including torture
AG-approved, so we know they won't hurtcha
Y's the Yoo memo: it seems Bush can do
Whatever he pleases (read Catch-22)
Z's for the ZZZs we have lost up nights reading
Blogs to learn how the Republic is bleeding
There's plenty more scandals from the GOP -
Taft, Tobin, Tomlinson ... (that's only "T"!)
Siphoning funds to enrich Halliburton
So what if the cuts leave the middle class hurtin'?
Fake good Iraq news! Cash payments for columns!
Savafian! Scanlon! Ernie Fletcher's pardons!
Roy Blunt! Charles Taylor! Medicare bill vote buying!
(If I said this was all then I'd be the one lying.)
Granting the President untrammeled power
They turn our sweet system of government sour
So let us now hope that ev'ry scandal sticks
Well in voters' minds in 2006