Taking a page from
The Batman: New Beginnings (well,
ripping a page more like it - lots of page ripping going on over there in Hollywood, USA here of late),
The Superman 10: Returning "turns" the clock back on time and gives us the lowdown of the back story on just how mild-mannered and bespecticaled Ken Clarke became "Human Steel", with plenty `o madcap mixups and hilarious hijinks along the way, guffawing.
Er... wait. It's not a prequel. Turns out it picks up right where we left off in
The Superman 9: Leaving, when The Superman... left. It's just that this Superman, played by
Randy Boothe, looks a lot younger than the one in the very first
The Superman: A Movie, played by
that dude in the wheelchair.
This go-around has no shortages of surprises, with a special cameo by Marlo Brandin (The Island of Dr. Thoreau, My God Father, Apocalypse!!!) as Ken Clarke's dad, Et Al, back on Crypton. (And he still had to be followed around with giant cue cards because he just can't seem to remember his lines. Though I think this time he's got a pretty good excuse.)
Anyway, Luth Lexor is back as well doing a little "returning" of his own in all of his vainglorious baldness, played by Kenneth Spacik (Round Up the Usual Suspects, Beautiful American, Glen, Gary and Ross). And he's definitely not happy about something or other, because he's built a giant... fan that, when he turns it on, it... blows. A lot. Making life on earth... blustery and uncomfortable. And we certainly can't have that.
That's when The Superman shows up faster than a speeding single bound building jump to do a little "blowing" of his own, and "terrorizes" Lexor with his "laser beam x-ray vision", and melts the polar icecaps to stabilize the climate to cut back on all the gales & such.
But (don't) hold onto your beachfront property just yet, folks, because that's exactly what Lexor wanted The Superman to do, because now that that one glacier in Greenland has melted, the ocean has risen 35 feet, and suddenly Phoenix is a coastal town primed for Lexor's high rise resort plan, complete with price gauging, pre-construction unit "flipping", and "shore wars". That's right, folks. Lexor has turned into the most heinous thing known to man: a real estate developer. Pure evil!
With global weather all messed up, not to mention about 3,279 brand-spanking-new inter-coastal waterways, a flag catches on fire. An American flag! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOA NELLY!!! The Superman whips Congress into shape, debates are held, spittle is spewed, hands are wrung, retards rant, people are stupid, and after all the dust settles yet another national tragedy is narrowly averted when an amendment is passed banning freedom. Again. Hurrah!
But I'm getting ahead of myself here.
Enter Louise Laine (Bryan Bosworth [Under the Sea]), previously played by that one homeless lady (Amnityville Whore), pregnant, perhaps even with The Superman's child, which, if you really think about it, might be why our "super hero" left in the first place.
But there's no leaving this time, and it's off to the Planned Parent `Hood for a fraternity test. Don't worry, Superdude, there's only one question! 3 words: "child support".
And that's when it happens. All heck breaks loose: explosions, stuff flying around, cars crashing into each other, more flying stuff, [kaBLAM], shootouts, explosions... you name it. Like PregoTM, it's in there.
Can The Superman save us from ourselves? I don't know. But it has a twist ending to end all twist endings that will have you scratching your head (and your own eyes out) wondering, "Whatever happened to, you know, just endings?" Plus, mustn't give away too many secrets!
End of the day, bottom line, faster than a speedway mullet, folks, we don't want movies like The Superman 10: Returning. We need movies like The Superman 10: Returning, if for no other reasons than that it spawns a novelization that in the age of the DVD really is purposeless, much like most movies.