Need Cheap Gas?
Tired of paying high prices at the pump?
Use the equity in your home to lock in a low gas price today for use whenever you like at a price of your choosing.
Imagine being able to pay $1.40 per gallon of gas again. With a Gasoline Freedom Loan (GFL) the glory days of cheap gasoline consumption can be yours once more. Never again consider having to use dirty, freedom-robbing public transportation. Exercise your right as an American to own a big vehicle and drive it as far as you like at practically no cost to you. Our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan are fighting this very day to insure access to this fuel and it is your duty as a patriotic American to use this fuel. Why pay too much? With a GFL you can start saving today!
Applying for a GFL is as simple as applying for a standard home equity loan. In fact that is exactly what it is only instead of getting cash; you get the right to buy gas at a price of your choosing. For as little as $5,000 you can take $0.35-0.55 per gallon off of your fuel purchases for the life of the loan. In other words, you can pre-purchase one year's worth of gasoline at a cost under $1.40/per gallon regardless of how high the price of gas goes. If by next winter gasoline prices are above $3/gallon, you will still only be paying $1.40. Think of the savings!!! With interest rates still at all time lows, now is the time to lock in this fabulous deal. Our pricing schemes allow for loans as great as $100,000 so you can purchase fuel for your entire family for many, many years into the future.
Gas prices have risen almost 50% in the last two years. By locking in a gasoline rate at a loan interest rate of 4.99% you will save almost 45% on your gasoline purchases for the term of the loan. It is the patriotic thing to do. Your country, our freedom and your right to drive at dirt cheap prices are at stake. God Bless America.
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The following has been a presentation of the deep dark smelly core of my brain where I channel Karl Rove. I may be extending this idea and turning it into a really funny parody website. This is an exaggeration but something I would not be surprised to see in the southern red states of this country.