cross-posted from dembloggers
My, but the internets have been busy this week!
The intrepid crew at crooksandliars brings us this revealing photo of Hurricane Rita from the "God - Sense of Humor" file - let's see the WingnutTM Brigade try to claim this one in their Holy Retribution retinue:
The metaphorical implications are too numerous for exploration here, but I do wonder if Albertorquemada's Porn Squad will now be investigating the Weather Service...
Oooh! I know! Maybe the Bible Code can tell us!
If you're unfamiliar with the Bible code, I'll give you a quick course. In the military, messages sent back and forth between Alies were often intercepted by the enemy. Knowing that, the Alies had to invent a code so that the messages that got through would be useful, but the meaning wasn't obvious in case it was stolen. Words said one thing but when used in a military message by certain people, meant something entirely different. Often too, senders would encode messages by having the recipients skip every other word or letter to make a new message.
This is how the bible code works. All the text of Bible is placed into a computer program that looks for certain patterns. You tell the computer to skip every 10 letters and see if it produces anything interesting. It certainly has produced some amazing results that mathematics experts have yet to agree upon. Some say it's random nonsense, others believe in it. Words like "kennedy assassination" catch your eye instantly. The words found aren't in a sentence order, so when someone tries to tell you exactly what they mean, they could be off a bit, or a lot.
Further proof of God's sense of humor? WWJD? More importantly, What Would Betty Do? Why, the properly Christian thing, of course - establish a recovery house for the Bush clan. "Honestly," remarked Mrs. Bowers, "when it comes to family arrests, only the Manson family has them beat!"
America's Best Christian, Mrs. Betty Bowers, has announced plans to open a halfway house exclusively for George and Barbara Bush's grandchildren. "We wanted it to be available to others, but with the nursing shortage, we are probably going to be too busy already just attending to the sundry addictions of America's First Family of Politics," said Mrs. Bowers as she cut the ribbon. "Whereas White House occupant Betty Ford opened a facility to keep Liza Minnelli off the street, this is a way of returning the favor by - finally - providing a place for people in the White House to dry out."
Well, we certainly admire Mrs. Bowers' dedication to Godly ideals. Goodness knows, she's got her work cut out for her, especially since it seems that shrubya himself is on a "Texas-sized" bender. Now, lest Americablog or the National Enquirer should fear retribution for making light of shrubya's burdens, we can take comfort in the legal standard for establishing libel and the fact that the Enquirer has rarely been found guilty of such. And thanks to Lunaville, we even have a pretty good idea of what the political fallout might look like:
I imagine the presser would be almost as amusing as this lovely bit of fancy from that inimitable Whiskey Bar snarkmaster:
MR. McCLELLAN: Good afternoon, everyone. I'd like to begin with an update on some of the hurricane preparations. As you know, Hurricane Rita is approaching the Texas coast, threatening to bring death and devastation to some of the President's wealthiest and most powerful political supporters - as well as to ordinary residents of the greater Houston area, not all of whom are black.
We want everyone to understand that we're taking this hurricane very, very seriously, and the federal government has already set the machinery in motion to deliver vital disaster recovery services - including press conferences, focus groups, overnight polls and photo opportunities with selected grateful survivors - to the President just as soon as the storm has passed.
Now that I think about it, it would likely be grand fun to get ol' Puffy McMoonface liquored up...we could tell him there had been a catastrophic storm and put him on a bus - without telling him his evacuation destination, of course. And then we'd get him further liquored up and send him straightaway to Iraq. Of course.
Speaking of Iraq, today's Poli-Sci-Fi Friday segment is brought to you by the lovely Fafblog, and its disturbing discovery of "Flypaper: Beyond the Fourth Dimension!"
And now we bring you the Weekend Words of Wisdom:
You may not be able to make the pie higher, but you should always choose your pie carefully!
May you be forever touched by his noodly appendage and piratey goodness. Raaaamen!