Well, I was wrong in predicting that Vermin Supreme would come close to 5% in the DC primary. Guess that rumor about supporters of the Cowardly 5 (Kerry, Lieberman, Geppy, Clark, and Edwards) banding together to support Vermin in the DC Primary was wildly exaggerated.
Nevertheless, I've enjoyed learning more about Vermin and I have to say this for him -- Vermin Supreme had enough respect for DC voting rights to prepare and submit a candidate statement to the DC Board of Elections. My candidate, Dean, didn't bother.
Read on about how Dean showed more respect for the MoveOn.org "beauty contest" than he did for the DC Primary. And, even more tempting, read on to read Vermin Supreme's candidate statement!
While I'm proud that Dean stayed on the DC ballot, I'm frustrated by his half-assed engagement with this important event, a statement in support of the hundreds of thousands of disenfranchised residents of DC.
Perhaps a candidate statement to the DC Board of Elections only matters to the few people who are as obsessed by Dean as me. But since some of you Kossacks are as obsessed as me, I'll write on. ;-)
What really pisses me off about Dean not bothering to even submit a candidate statement to the DC Board of Elections is that even if this non-binding primary was considered a "beauty contest", it was Dean's participation in the MoveOn.org "beauty contest", and his amazingly powerful candidate statement in the MoveOn.org primary that originally solidified my support for Dean.
Who knows? Dean might have picked up critical minority supporters who would volunteer and donate as much to his campaign as I have if he had shared the same amazing statement with DC voters that he did with MoveOn.org.
According to the Lets Free DC Blog, this Voter Guide was mailed to all Democratic and Green voters in DC. But Dean missed this opportunity.
And in Dean's absence, it looks like Vermin Supreme has picked up at least 69 supporters in DC today, perhaps in part due to this statement in DC's Voter Guide:
Vermin Supreme
Vermin Supreme, a friendly fascist, a tyrant you can trust. Let him run your life.
He knows what's best for you.
Proper dental hygiene is essential to proper social order.
"Effective use of tarter [sic] control will prevent the need for crowd control later."
Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation of ours long enough and must be stopped!
For too long this great nation of ours has been suffering a great moral and oral decay in spirit and incisors.
A country's future depends on its ability to bite back. We can no longer be a nation indentured, our very salivation is at stake.
Therefore we must brace ourselves, bite the bullet, and now more than ever, as we hurdle forward over the bridgework into the twentythird century, may we become together a nation of gleaming smiles from sea to shining sea.
THROUGH WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY FALSE TEETH PROPHETS!
This law is not about:
Dental commando squads or warrantless random no knock dental inspections.
Government issued toothpaste containing addictive yet harmless substances.
Video surveillance through two way bathroom mirrors.
Electronic tracking, moisture and motion sensor devices in all toothbrushes.
Novelty floss dispensers.
Dental re-education center.
Gene splicing to create a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies.
Computer chip dental implants with laser scanners at all toll booths and supermarkets.
The fluoridation of every beverage or even preventative dental maintenance detention facilities.
What this mandatory toothbrush law is really about is:
STRONG TEETH FOR A STRONG AMERICA.
Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation of ours long enough and must be stopped!
All politicians are vermin. I am Vermin Supreme. I shall lie to you, because I can. I will Promise anything and deliver nothing. I am the peoples' candidate, you are the people.
TOGETHER, WE CAN TURN UP THE BRIGHTNESS KNOB, OF THE FUTURE, TOMORROW, TODAY.
Okay, so maybe it's not a platform to compete with Dean's, but who can argue with the slogan, "STRONG TEETH FOR A STRONG AMERICA"? Arguably, it may have been tooth decay that brought down the British Empire. They still haven't fully recovered!