Over the past few days we've seen a flurry of activity from Senate Republicans, who are hard at work protecting the interests of decent, law-abiding, God-fearing, English-speaking, opposite-sex-marrying, Fox-watching, Mexican-hating Americans. I applaud their efforts, but this is no time to rest on our laurels. The road ahead is still long. "Gee, WhyNotGuy," I hear you ask, "what more can they do?" Well, a number of things actually. Here are just a few:
1. Introduce a resolution replacing Spanish omelettes with English muffins on the cafeteria breakfast menu. While you're at it, get rid of the Froot Loops, too.
2. Put some pressure on Arnie to overdub "hasta la vista, baby" with a more patriotic catchphrase such as "until later, baby" or "I hate Mexicans, baby" or "Liberals suck, baby." After all, he should know... he married one.
3. Rename Taco Bell as Liberty Bell. Yo quiero THIS, Maria-Conchita Illeguala!
4. Do NOT vote for Pedro.
5. Determine where in the world Carmen Sandiego is, then deport her illegal brown ass back to Mexico.
6. Remove all traces of Spanish from American maps. The Rio Grande will be Big River, Los Angeles will be City of Angels, and San Francisco will be Fag-Town.
The next few weeks will show us all exactly how committed our Senate Republicans are to making our lives better. Let's watch and see how many of my suggestions are implemented.