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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
For those of you who think life has been adverse in these United States under Bush, you are...well, you are right. But take a look, anyway, at the way things were 100 years ago in 1904:
The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 8 percent of homes had a telephone.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
Only 6 percent of all Americans graduated from high school.
Most women only washed their hair once a month.
The leading causes of death in the U.S. were: Pneumonia/influenza, Tuberculosis, and Diarrhea.
And marijuana was available over the counter at corner drugstores. So it wasn't all bad.
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Bubblebubblebubble] RIGHTNOW! ["Oh man, I need Lucky Charms bad."]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 2, 2004
Daily Countdown:
Days `til 2004 Olympic Games: 11
Days 'til Republican Convention: 28
Days 'til General Election: 92
Fahrenheit 9/11 worldwide gross: $132,617,000
CHEERS to the final quarter. Election Day 2004 is three months from today. No-bump CNN poll aside (what's up with that, anyway?), Dems are in amazing shape. But don't expect anything to be easy from here on out---the GOP's claws are out and they're sharp.
JEERS to the Fear Factor. Some workers in the northeast have good reason to call in sick today. Tom Ridge has raised the terror alert to Orange in DC, Wall Street area, and northern New Jersey. But we're not rolling our eyes so much this time--even Richard Clarke tells ABC News he's worried about the chatter. Him we trust.
JEERS to bad excuses. Tom Ridge, crying poor, says he may resign because $175,000 salary isn't enough to send his two kids to college. Yeah, it's no fun when you have to take a nibble out of your stocks, bonds, mutual funds, home equity...or, god forbid, tell your children to get a job. Time to pull out the world's smallest violin. Any requests?
JEERS to Bush's economy. Growth in second quarter was slow, slow, slow. And economists are shocked...shocked! http://money.cnn.com/2004/07/30/news/economy/gdp/index.htm?cnn=yes. What's a president to do when he runs out of tax cuts?
CHEERS to the Temple of Doom. Is there no end to how poll numbers can be sliced `n diced? Um...no. Chris Bowers at MyDD has created the "Doom Index": http://www.mydd.com/story/2004/7/30/213623/889. And yeah, we're lapping it up like a dog smothered in Alpo.
JEERS to flip-flopping media critics. Then: John Kerry gets hung up on policy details in his stump speech. Now: John Kerry doesn't give enough policy details in his stump speech. Spoken like true two-year-olds.
CHEERS to Media Matters for America. C&J read this lie by Tony "My paycheck is signed by Mr. Moonie" Blankley in his latest column (http://www.creators.com/opinion_show.cfm?columnsName=tbl): "Even after the major liberal media outlets did their own recount and found Bush won Florida fair and square, the knowingly false charge was slammed into the brains of Democratic Party true believers." A quick search at MMFA and, Bingo: http://mediamatters.org/items/200407200008. The truth.
CHEERS to great inventions. On August 2, 1887, barbed wire was patented by Chester A. Hodge of Beloit, WI. If there's a better all-purpose gift in existence, we're not aware of it.
CHEERS to the great actors. Peter O'Toole turns 72 today. He was the best thing in `Troy,' and we're glad to see he's got more on his plate: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000564/. P.S.---the 20 year statute of limitations just expired, so you are officially forgiven for `Supergirl.'
JEERS to the Peroxide Press. We got nuthin' against blond women with doe eyes, perky breasts and pouting lips. But when cable news channels MSNBC, CNN, Fox News and CNN Headline News have them on anchor duty at the same time---as they did yesterday morning---we cry foul. Cheers, however, to CNBC for bucking the trend with infomercial starring 89 year-old---and decidedly not blond---Jack LaLanne.
JEERS to forced allegience. Bush/Cheney campaign is making people sign a "loyalty oath" before they can get into official party rallies. On the upside, attendees can hear the cool new rendition of "Heil to the Chief."
CHEERS to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. The White House's underwear is in a twist over the new movie by the South Park boys: http://www.drudgereport.com/ta.htm. C&J says, you make the call: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/team_america/small.html.
CHEERS to inspired casting. Ben Stiller's parents in `Meet the Fockers' (December 22) will be played by Dustin Hoffman (Bernie Focker) and Barbra Streisand (Roz Focker) sporting `The Main Event' curly hairdo. We're too verklempt to continue. Pick a topic and discuss...
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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