Being that today is a great day of celebration (thank you smirker-in-chief), I thought a bit of humor was in order.
The crisp fall air is here, and its time for some of our political figures to update their looks" Feel free to add your own suggestions for how our wonks can spout their hate and look good doing it
Condoleeza Rice:
The Lucy Van Pelt hair-do: it works - keep it. It's soft and child-like with a don't-fuck-with-me-you-bad-terrorists-or-I'll-pull-away-the-football edge. The Filene's Basement coordinates, however, have to go. If George is ever going to leave her, you're going to have to work it harder, longer, and in more colors than her every day of the week. You're a Winter, but you're schlepping around the West Wing like you're a Fall - get some Navy, some Loden, some Candy Red and a swatch of white around the neck (try pearls - they'll remind him of his mother.)
Mary Cheney:
Baby. Sit down. A broken clock is right twice a day, so why can't you get you're hair right at least once in your life? The tour guide of the whale-watching trip look is done. You're so far gone, I suggest you take four shots of Bombay Safire, flash a female secret service agent, and have her rush you to the nearest Georgetown salon. Maybe then they'd let you onstage at the RNC with the rest of your family.
Kim Jong-Il:
Don't change a thing. Seriously. When you find a look that's that right, you rock it for the rest of your life.
Lyndie England:
You have to remember the two rules of taking a good picture: right foot forward, left head tilt. This slenderizes and accents the natural curves of a `woman.' I was feeling the desert camo for a while, but now that you're pregnant- it's time to move on. When everyone hates you, you can actually work that to your advantage (see Courtney Love.) Try going for a Tokyo Rose or Patty Hearst look. I'm talking red berets, all black cat-suits, and firearms. It says `I'm comfortable with being the lightning rod for the self-loathing ill will of a nation.'
Ann Coulter:
You're a political commentator, not a groupie spreading her legs at a Winger concert. Furthermore, anorexics (kudos!) can't do the longhair thing - it just doesn't work, especially when you start going bald from lack of nutrients. A tasteful bob or a nice soccer mom look will do just fine. And remember, whenever you're not feeling cute, sit next to Peggy Noonan.
Sean Hannity:
One and a half words: V-necks.
The Other Bush Twin:
Jenna's cuter than you; there's nothing you can do about that. Don't worry though, the leaf always turns, and before you know it, she'll be 30 pounds overweight and nursing a bad case of the clap. In the meantime, go for a northeast liberal (oops!) arts collegiate look. I'm talking tweed (no Burberry though,) suede, lots of rust. It won't make you look better, but it'll make your sister look even more like a whore.
Karl Rove:
You look like a branch manager at a bank in Lubbock, not a political mastermind. You need a signature accessory, like a monocle or a weapon/cane. Watch some 007 flicks and study the villains. Never forget, you don't need a majority to be fashion forward, only the `go ahead' from the denizens of the fashion court. Don't fret, you're almost there!