Do you think they'll see the snark?
You guys do good work. I particularly like your stuff on Social Security. I'm sure with help from people like you the President will be able to privatize the whole system before he leaves office.
I'm writing today to ask a favor. As you probably know our occupation of Iraq isn't going as well as it could. Some of the less gungho members of the military like this General Casey are calling our military efforts in Iraq "the Pillsbury Doughboy idea" -- pressing the insurgency in one area only causes it to rise elsewhere.
Well there's a reason for this apparently defeatist attitude: we don't have enough soldiers in our volunteer military to stay the course. We need to kill or capture and yes, if need be "rough up" insurgents for the vital intelligence we need to win the hearts and minds of Iraqis and prove we'll be there for the longhaul to protect them. But the Army has missed it's recruiting goals for 4 months running. The Marines thank God have only missed their goals one month out of the last 10 years. The Navy and Air Force are doing fine recruiting wise but very few of them are sent to Iraq. Don't even ask about the Reserves and the Guard. That's a sucker's bet anyway. Join the Guard and you'll get sent to Iraq for less pay and benes with older equipment than the regular Army. Who needs that?
Anyway my point is the volunteer Army needs soldiers if we are to complete the mission in Iraq. And where better to find them but among college Republicans? You're the best and brightest and our country needs you now. Won't you please ask your members to get down to their local recruiting office and sign up today? A big blurb on your website with a link to http://www.goarmy.com/ would help a lot!
The alternative I'm afraid is a draft. A lot of DC military types are openingly talking about it. Even that creep Biden broached the subject on one of those Sunday morning talk shows this weekend. If there's a draft it's bound to scoop up a bunch of lefties that have no interest in President Bush's success or a successful outcome in Iraq. They and their hippy parents may well start massive demonstrations that could force us to bring our troops home before the mission is accomplished, just like Vietnam. But even if they don't do we want those kind of people taking credit for President Bush's victory? We don't need to be making anymore John Kerrys if you know what I mean. If we didn't have the Swiftboat veterans last year exposing his record he might very well be President today!
Think about that. And then think about what a stint in Iraq
with the US army will do for YOUR record and your cred. Imagine not only the big cash enlistment bonus and educational opportunities you'll receive but the way phrases like "take it from me, I was there" or "when I fought in Iraq" will sagely roll off your tongue and stop all arguments right in their tracks as admirers (especially the ladies) turn to hear your words of wisdom in years to come.
This is your chance to make the money and earn the respect you and your family so richly deserve by becoming a US Army combat veteran. Now I'm sure your parents are going to be concerned about your safety. Remind them Vice President Cheney says the insurgency is in it's last throes. By the time you get out of basic training - and I'm not going to sugarcoat it - get sent to Iraq the fighting should be all but over. But in the event the Vice President's prediction proves to be premature you and your parents can rest easy knowing you'll be fighting with the finest military the world has ever seen against an assortment of poorly trained jihadis and cranky Sunni Arabs who don't even know how to properly clean a weapon let alone fire one. Yes it'll be hot, uncomfortable and you'll stand a small but real chance of getting killed or maimed, most likely by an IED, but if you look at it your chances of dieing are really not that much greater than getting run over on campus by a drugged out war protester who can't see out the front window of his car because of all the pot smoke.
And btw do you really want to spend the next several years futilely debating with potsmoking clowns and socialist professors or wouldn't you really rather do something that would really help the President, the Republican party and yourselves? We need you to grab for the glory today! Won't you please help?