Winter Games Deny Sex Harassers,
Graciously Accept Drunkards
Manfred Schlalom (AP HILL)
Torino, Italy - The 2006 Olympic winter games in Torino, Italy next month are shaping up to be some of the more interesting in recent memory, with stories of sexual harassment and drunken downhilling swirling around these Italian Alps.
Embattled U.S. Skeleton coach Tim Nardiello was barred from coaching the Olympic team next month, one day after an arbitrator cleared his name in a recent sexual harassment claim. Nardiello was accused of making inappropriate comments to and innapropriate advances at team members.
Lindy Aerodyne, Captain of the women's skeleton team, complained to officials after Nardiello allegedly told her that he "had a special bone in his skeleton that he wanted to show her."
"Initially, I blew it off, wait, I mean I disregarded it, but then other things he said and did made it apparent that he wasn't joking, and it really creeped me out," said Aerodyne, a 2004 Yale Graduate and member of the school's secret Nordic downhill racing society Skin and Bones.
Other Nardiello behavior Aerodyne refers to includes coaching tips he offered "dripping with innuendo," she added.
"He'd say, `Keep your legs closed on the final push, unless you want me between there to grease your skids,' or he'd hand me a cup of his ejaculate and urge me to `Chug it,'" squirmed Aerodyne.
Other members reported similar behavior from their coach, including Darren Randee, men's skeleton team member.
"He was always trying to persuade me to try two-man skeleton, but there's no such sport," said Randee. "I attributed most of what he said to normal male lockerroom humor, until I woke up one morning and found him trying to insert anal beads in my ass. At that point I knew he was a freak, and that I liked prostate massages," admitted Randee.
But it was Nardiello's appearance in front of the USOC's appeals committee that did him in. As committee Chairman Olympia Zamboni began outlining the charges against him, Nardiello leapt from his seat toward Zamboni yelling, "Mount Olympia!" After a few brief moments of dry humping, officials were able to seperate the two and escort Nardiello from the room. The vote by the USOC was unanimous to dismiss Nardiello from coaching at the games, except one dissenting vote from Chairman Zamboni.
On the other side of the mountain the U.S. team is dealing with reports that gold medal hopeful Bode Miller is often drunk during downhill skiing competitions, a contention not refuted by Miller.
"I call it liquid courage," said Miller when asked why he would drink and ski.
"Have you ever gone 80 mph on skis? It takes balls, and mine haven't dropped yet, so I've got to go somewhere else to muster the bravery to conquer these runs. Have you ever crashed on skis at 80 mph? I have and then I call the booze liquid painkiller. Either way I carry my Bode bag of Jack under my bodytard," added the famous downhiller.
Officials have not decided what action, if any, they will take against Miller. Alcohol is not one of the banned substances listed under Olympic regulations. Miller is also a fan favorite in Europe, where his popularity far exceeds that in his home country. European fans often show up at events with signs reading, "Bode Miller: Blitzed Krieg" or "Miller Lite- Races Great, Less Sober."
Torino resident and Miller fan Sal Minella doesn't think anything should be done to Miller for his boozing exploits.
"He's uh like uh hero to uh me," said Minella, longtime barfly and town souse. "I beg uh and uh (hiccup) pray they don't uh take uh Bode away," belched Minella.
The IOC and the USOC have until Jan. 30th to make a decision on Miller. As for Nardiello, he'll be watching the games from home.