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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Your morning prayer (author unknown):
Bush is my shepherd, I shall be in want.
He maketh me to lie down on park benches,
He leadeth me beside the still factories.
He restoreth my doubts about the Republican Party.
He leadeth me onto the paths of unemployment for His cronies' sake.
Yea, though no weapons of mass destruction have been found, He makest me continue to fear Evil
His tax cuts for the rich and His deficit spending discomfort me.
He anointest me with never-ending debt:
Verily my days of savings and assets are kaput.
Surely poverty and hard living shall follow me all the days of His administration,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever
Amen. And...Amen.
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swooosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, August 13, 2004
Daily Countdown:
Days 'til Republican Convention: 17
Days 'til General Election: 81
Days `til Kerry's inauguration: 160
Days `til `Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith": 279
Fahrenheit 9/11 worldwide gross: $145,699,000
CHEERS to Olympic Fever. As always, we head into the Games with a shrug. But two weeks from now we'll get all misty-eyed at the closing ceremonies. Besides, anything that takes our mind off politics for awhile is welcome.
JEERS to the violent gender. At the original Olympic games in 776 BC women were banned, and those who snuck in to watch were thrown off a cliff by men. In 1936, evil man Adolf Hitler refused to shake Jesse Owens's hand. In 1972 the terrorists who killed 8 athletes were men. Jimmy Carter wouldn't let us play in 1980. Now we learn that security personnel at the 2004 Olympics in Athens will outnumber athletes 7-to-1 because of threats from men with bombs. Ladies, how do you put up with us?
CHEERS to sensible suggestions. The athletes at the original Athens games competed in the nude. And we say a return to those traditional Olympic values is long, long overdue. So lose the Speedo, kiddo.
JEERS to "compassionate" conservatism. Hell hath no fury like an old-timer scorned. The elderly are so pissed about Bush's Medicare prescription drug rip-off program, that it could cost him Florida and Ohio: http://www.cnn.com/2004/HEALTH/08/11/drug.poll.ap/index.html. Effective immediately, seniors must leave their canes at the door during Bush-Cheney campaign rallies...to protect the president.
JEERS to second-class citizenship. Okay, okay, we knew those 4,037 gay marriages performed in San Francisco wouldn't stick. And they didn't, as CA supreme court voted to invalidate them yesterday. But the biggest headache is yet to come: the return of 4,037 toasters.
CHEERS to Kerry's bounce. And a tasty one it is: 49-42 in Florida, according to new Quinnipiac poll. Bush's approval there is at a career-ending 44%. Forget the one-way bus ticket back to Crawford...this loser will be lucky to find room on the back of a turnip truck.
JEERS to Kerry's bounce. He'll probably get another one when this event happens: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=615&e=4&u=/nm/20040811/pl_nm/campaign_ir
aq_dc. And no one will be celebrating.
CHEERS to truth in ratings. C&J notices that `Alien vs. Predator' is rated PG-13 for "Violence, Language, Horror Images, Slime and Gore." So then...shouldn't the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth ad have some sort of parental advisory disclaimer?
JEERS to lousy excuses. On Larry King Live last night, Bush says he stayed in the classroom on 9/11 after being told "America is under attack" because "I was collecting my thoughts and I was sitting with a bunch of young kids, and I made the decision there that we would let this part of the program finish." Bill Maher offers the president a lesson in leadership here: http://www.commondreams.org/views04/0812-12.htm. The money quote: "This was a moment a President should have imagined a thousand times. There is no time in the nuclear age for a President to sit like Forrest Gump `gathering thoughts' after an attack has begun." Plus...it would take him a lot longer than 7 minutes to gather one, anyway.
JEERS to William Gray. He patented the coin-operated telephone 115 years ago today. And when I meet him in the hereafter, he's gonna owe me about $200 in lost change. (And an explanation for the perpetual goo on the handsets.)
JEERS to shiny new titles. Bush reveals during 8/6 campaign stop that "War on Terror" just doesn't have the right ring to it. His words: "It ought to be the Struggle Against Ideological Extremists Who Do Not Believe in Free Societies Who Happen to Use Terror As a Weapon to Try to Shake the Conscience of the Free World." Or SAIEWDNBFSWHUTAWTSCFW for short.
CHEERS to the Master of Suspense. How perfect that Alfred Hitchcock's birthday (#105) is today--Friday the 13th. He wisely knew that "there is no terror in a bang, only in the anticipation of it" and "the length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." In the DVD tonight: Take the poll and you make the call.
JEERS to switch-hitters. Turns out Democratic NJ Governor James McGreevey was shtupping his wife...and another man (not at the same time, we assume). With threat of blackmail looming, he announces he's moving out of both the governor's mansion and the closet. Wow...a politician having an affair. Who does he think he is, a Republican?
CHEERS to More Maher. Read his interview with Larry King, as excerpted by Steve Soto at the Left Coaster: http://www.theleftcoaster.com/archives/002489.html. Your talking points on virtually every issue are right here on a silver platter. Use them on Republicans and watch them wither.
CHEERS to the C&J Honor Roll. AaronA Admiral Naismith Angie in WA State AringMD2B A Texan in Maryland Atarola baggie Baseballgirl BigOkie boyasunder Bryan in CT bunny cevik ClaudeB Colleen Cyclopatra dacarlton dc DCFD Rudi Delaware Dem Demgoon Dissento Dr Dive DrFrankLives Dr. Van Nostrand Erik in grayslake Erin in Flagstaff Esherard8 EtinKC Eugene Flagrrl Fragamemnon Furryjester Gary Gearhead Geogal Go Vegetarian gregonthe28th gregstoll Happy Monkey Hatamoto Hester Eastman Huppster IhateBush JamesC jandsm JaneKnowles JdsoOR jeebie Jemelli jennen Jjc4jre Jjoice John Campanelli Jpb jsundman Juls Kaj Kaworu Kilgoretrout Killerbud Kimo Kitchentable Kjfitz kristy007 Leenie in va magpie02141 Maryscott O'Connor MattK D 1 Mavin Maura in VA Meteor Blades Mgray Michaelmoore MichaelPH Mike Mimi9 Mini mum mirabel Mormon for Democracy Moroccan B MrSnarkyPants MrSnrub murfmom Naraht Newsie8200 northsea Orchid314 pdc90dem4clark Passing Shot Pizza Driver Qwerty Ralph reef the dog rgarza15 RichM Rob Humenik Rolfyboy6 rollin Saint Fnordius Sequoia Sheba Shrub Skibumfordean Skiddie Smcgrath Smedley Hirkum Smucci Spyral Superribbie Sylv Terry in Austin Thales thefirealarm Tomathawl TustonDAZ Upper West Valerie Wozzle YT ZoBai and zubalove
Thank You for supporting Cheers and Jeers---a Recommended Diary three days in a row. Tonight we eat a lobster in your honor (and toast you with the traditional Bacardi and Coke). A blessing on all of your collective camels!
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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