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Dispatch from THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, December 23, 2003
JEERS to Dick Gephardt. As seen on Kos, Gep brochure features full-page photo of Dean, and web site disses Guv big time. There's a term for such an obsession: Deanis envy.
CHEERS to level Orange. I've never had so much fun ratting on annoying neighbors, coworkers, and relatives. The look on their faces when feds arrive in wee hour raids: Priceless.
JEERS to Rush Limbaugh. How stupid do you have to be to get blackmailed by your maid? Oh, silly me...we're talking about Rush.
CHEERS to Roy Horn. Siegfried's spouse improves enough to earn bus ticket back to Vegas mansion, start work on new show. But will Chihuahuas jumping through hoops of fire sell?
JEERS to pet stress. Turns out we transfer our holiday anxiety and irritability to our dogs, cats. But they're not getting my Prozac no matter how much they beg.
JEERS to Hummer drivers. Roadway bullies overcompensating for small penises put regular drivers at risk. Plus you really, really, really do look silly up there. I hope your monthly payments hurt like hell.
JEERS to John Kerry. National Harris poll puts ol' stone face below Sharpton, Mosely Braun. Thank god Kucinich is still in race to keep him from scraping that manly chin on rock bottom.
CHEERS to Dewey, the first cloned white-tail deer. Awww...those sweet eyes, those adorable white spots...THERE IT IS! SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT! What do you mean you're AK-47 ISN'T LOADED!
CHEERS to the Euro. As long as you're European.
JEERS to Mother Nature. Christmastime 6.5 earthquake a real act of terror. Patriot Act says we can throw her in the brig (and check out her video rentals...ooh, "Meteorologists Gone Wild!").
CHEERS to Howard Dean. Rockets ahead in more polls, continues to snag endorsements, and USA Today says he's running the most fiscally sound campaign. Screw Christmas...real party time is Jan. 19 and 27. Bring `em on!
What are cheering and jeering today?
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