I've decided the poor man has such a mental deficiency that we need a translator for those of us who have to slog through the drivel in his interviews. I will do my best, without receiving any payola from Zephyr, to translate both interview remarks into human-ese as well as find and translate untruths (or in Bush'qua: "in Texas, we call those things, umm...the uh...we say those are diff'rnt from the ..what you mean")
My new job begins below the jump...
For my first official duty, I'll translate from a CNN article which has been reported here, but not helpfully translated.
Bush'qua: "Sometimes, words have consequences you don't intend them to mean,"
Humanese: "Sometimes, words bear unintended consequences. I'm sorry for putting soldier's lives in danger unnecessarily."
Bush'qua: "'Bring 'em on' is the classic example, when I was really trying to rally the troops and make it clear to them that I fully understood, you know, what a great job they were doing. And those words had an unintended consequence. It kind of, some interpreted it to be defiance in the face of danger. That certainly wasn't the case."
Humanese: "'Bring 'em on' is the first of thousands of examples. My intention was to let the troops know that we have full faith in their ability to repel their attackers. Unfortunately, I was unable to predict that my words would lead to such destruction. I apologize to the troops, their families, and the American people for my stupidity."
Bush'qua: Baseball's new policy for steroids and other drugs is "a very strict policy and I want to congratulate both parties."
Humanese: "Let's focus on issues of national importance, please. Next question."
Bush'qua: "I can remember getting back to the White House, and Laura said, 'Why did you do that for?' I said, 'Well, it was just an expression that came out. I didn't rehearse it.'
Humanese: "I remember returning to the White House, and Laura wondered why I said such a thing. I told her it was a mistake and I would have to apologize to the troops and their families for putting them in greater danger."
a note: did he really say "why did you do that for"? Jeezly crow, he's stupid
Bush'qua: "I don't know if you'd call it a regret, but it certainly is a lesson that a president must be mindful of, that the words that you sometimes say. ... I speak plainly sometimes, but you've got to be mindful of the consequences of the words. So put that down. I don't know if you'd call that a confession, a regret, something."
Humanese: "I certainly regret that my words and actions have led to pain for others. Please accept this as my sincere apology for my thoughtlessness. I pledge to the American people that I will try, always, to lead with dignity and respect for our brave men and women forced to die for my mistakes."
Bush'qua: "The inauguration is a great festival of democracy," he said. "People are going to come from all over the country who are celebrating democracy and celebrating my victory, and I'm glad to celebrate with them."
Humanese: "The inauguration is being paid for with private funds, but I'm not sure what I was thinking when I said Washington, DC should use homeland security funds for security. I will contact the CEO's of Comcast and GE and ask them to cover those costs. But I think we have a right to enjoy a large celebration. Thank you for such a fair question."