From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Bigots to Maine gays: "Just kidding! We really LOVE you!"
Only five days to go until Maine voters drop into their gay neighbors' living rooms to either defend or revoke their civil marriage rights. (A 'Yes' vote on Question 1 repeals our currently-in-limbo same-sex marriage law. A 'No' vote extends a middle finger to the conservative Catholic/Mormon/Evangelical leadership and keeps the law on the books.) Let's recap the ways in which the GLBT community has been framed by the other side on TV, radio, email blasts, and letters and op-ed columns in newspapers:
>> Preserving the marriage law will "push homosexual marriage on Maine children"
>> Preserving the law will open up our schools to pedophile counselors
>> Preserving the law will force schools to teach gay sex to kindergarten students
>> Preserving the law will make us "lose all that we once cherished"
>> Preserving the law will give legitimacy to a class of people who are alcoholics, spouse beaters, the chronically diseased, the mentally ill and problem gamblers all rolled into one
>> Preserving the law will destroy the institution of marriage
>> Preserving the law will mean the state "has abandoned its commitment to promoting monogamous marriage"
>> Preserving the law will cause our Bibles to burst into flames
>> Preserving the law will put the state into the hands of radical extremists
>> Preserving the law will deny us the opportunity to show that Maine is not a discriminatory state by preventing us from using veto referendums to strip gay people of their rights
>> Preserving the law will...well, use your imagination! Think scary!
These fear-'n-smear tactics apparently aren't working too well for the 'Yes on 1' campaign, because they've opened up a new front in their War of Error. They're now acting kinder and gentler...they LOVE the gays! This is from the new ad they're running:
We want to be tolerant of gays. Maine's domestic partnership laws [sic---there's only one law] provide substantial legal protection for gay couples. Any problems remaining can be addressed without dismantling traditional marriage. It's possible to support the civil rights of all citizens and protect traditional marriage at the same time.
Awww, how sweet. A real Kumbayah moment. I guess all that other stuff they've been saying for the last several months has just been a...a...oh, what's the word...a simple misunderstanding. Potato, putahto, let's call the whole thing off. And maybe we'll give you your own drinking fountains!
Here's the thing about Maine's domestic partner law: it's pretty weak tea. It's so mild that the right-wingers took one look at it and said, "Aw, fuck it. We ain't mountin' a veto referendum over this. It ain't worth our time." In fact, the state posts a notice within their online DP page---with a big pink exclamation point (nice touch)---that says:
It is important to remember that a registered domestic partnership is NOT the same as a marriage and does not entitle partners to rights other than those for which the registry was intended. This registry is intended to allow individuals to have rights of inheritance as well as the rights to make decisions regarding disposal of their deceased partners remains.
No wonder the other side is so happy with it. It mostly only benefits gay people when they're dead. (By the way, I want my ashes airdropped over Bishop Malone's Cape Cod home---the one he co-owns with his male "best friend" and "housemate.") On the plus side: it's valid in Great Britain! Yay!!!
My partner of 16 years and I---who share DP certificate #99---certainly appreciate the gesture by the state. But it doesn't come close to achieving equality for GLBT residents here. Not even close. Not even hospital visitation.
This new tack-to-the-left effort by the hardest-core conservatives in our state (and from away---Hi, NOM!) would almost be funny if it wasn't so insulting. Many of the people speaking so sweetly and conciliatorily about domestic partnerships here are the same goons trying to get domestic partnership benefits revoked right now in Washington State!!!
Disingenuous assholes. And yes...bigots. Bigots bigots bigots bigots bigots.
We've got five days left. The campaigns on both coasts could use any help you can give, including Phonebanking from home, even if you live in a different state.
The Courage Campaign has done a huge favor by assembling the important details and links for Maine and Washington on one simple page. And also don’t forget that there's a little-talked-about campaign going on in Kalamazoo, Michigan, where the meddlers are trying to roll back basic civil rights.
Click here and let's hit the trifecta on November 3rd, shall we?
I can't say for certain for how folks in Washington and Kalamazoo will celebrate their victory, but yesterday attorney Mary Bonauto summed it up for us here in Maine: "I'm fairly certain you will see an outbreak of happiness and an awful lot of weddings if we win." And to show there are no hard feelings, all you right-wingers now demonizing us are invited to attend. Because we LOVE you, too. Oh Lord...Kumbayah.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 29, 2009
Note: There will be no C&J in 2090. We regret the inconvenience.
---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Election Day '09: 5
Days `til the Days of the Dead: 3
Amount the Obama administration is pledging to invest in new energy technology over the next decade: $150 billion
Number of jobs that could end up creating: 5 million
(Source: AP)
Decline in traffic accidents during the first six months of 2009 versus the same period last year: -7%
Number of deaths in the first six months of 2009: 16,626
(Source: Minneapolis Star Tribune via The Week)
Percentage of adults who admit to stealing candy from their kids' Halloween bags: 90%
World Series Game 1: Phillies 6 Yankees 1
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Two solid weeks on the road talking about nothing but the president's dick. Not that I haven’t tried to change the subject. Valiantly, if I say so myself, I keep trying to point out that with all due respect to the president's private parts, we do have bigger problems in this country. No go. The media are just obsessed. Happily, the rest of the country is taking all this in stride, making useful distinctions to which the media are oblivious.
---May, 1998
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Puppy Pic of the Day (hat tip to Frankenoid): "Even though they didn't shoot any Elk, Ed Cray said this was a perfect hunting trip."
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CHEERS to more green shoots. Look, do I wish the stimulus had been bigger, (if ya know what I mean)? Gosh, yes! But you go to war against recession with the stimulus you have, not the stimulus you want or wish to have at a later time. And, while many said "Henny Penny the sky is falling," there's new data to show that it's been found to be working around middle America and areas east, south, west and north somewhat:
States have reported using stimulus money to create or save more than 388,000 jobs so far this year, buttressing the Obama administration's claim that the $787 billion plan has had a significant impact on the economy.
That total, based on a USA TODAY review of reports from 33 states and Puerto Rico, includes teachers, construction workers, and others whose jobs were funded by stimulus money awarded to states. The administration plans Friday to release reports from all 50 states, providing the broadest accounting yet of the stimulus plan's impact.
More to do? Golly, sure. Creepy that I'm speaking Rumsfeldese for no good reason? Absolutely.
CHEERS to getting a foot in the equality door. Yesterday President Obama fulfilled one of his pledges to the GLBT community when he officially and happily signed the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., Hate Crimes Bill into law, saying: "After more than a decade of opposition we passed inclusive hate crimes legislation to help protect our citizens from violence based on what they look like, who they love, how they pray or who they are." (His full statement is here) The historic occasion was condemned by Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, and we'll release a full transcript as soon as we run it by our trained grunt-and-hiss translator.
JEERS to how far the fairer sex hath fallen. On October 29, 1966, the National Organization for Women (NOW) was formed to help reduce the extent to which men are pigs:
NOW is the largest, most comprehensive feminist advocacy group in the United States. Our purpose is to take action to bring women into full participation in society---sharing equal rights, responsibilities and opportunities with men, while living free from discrimination. NOW's Top Six Priority Issues [are] advancing reproductive freedom, promoting diversity & ending racism, stopping violence against women, winning lesbian rights, achieving constitutional equality, and ensuring economic justice.
So how are we doing on gender equality in America? Well, let’s just say that, compared with the rest of the world, we're getting our asses kicked by Iceland and 29 other countries, having fallen four places since last year. But, on the bright side, no country on earth has full gender equality. File that under: World's Dimmest Bright Side.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Kossack Doppel asks: Are Pop-Tarts a food group?
Yes!
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
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CHEERS to Christmas in October. You must've cleaned your plate last night because today Santa Pelosi is gonna let you unwrap your very own House version of healthcare reform!!! It's an EZ Bake Oven, Brady Bunch Sno-Cone maker, GI Joe (with kung-fu grip), Spirograph, Tickle Me Elmo and porn subscription all rolled into one---and for being such a good boy or girl, you get a fairly robust government option, too! But you can't play with it just yet. Nope, not until half the people in your extended family---and a majority of the crabby Senator family next door---vote to give it to you. Until then, here: have a pet rock.
CHEERS to death wishes. Ohmigod, this is too good to be true. The Republicans are about to launch attacks against old people! One AARP official said, "Republicans are directly accusing the AARP of corruption and secret dealings." But it gets better: they failed to mention the elderly at their new GOP health care website. Gee, I wonder what the co-pay is when a congressman needs to have a walker removed from his rectum. We'll find out soon enough!
CHEERS to the most trusted name in news (well, besides "Rachel"). On October 29, 1911, Joseph Pulitzer died at 64 aboard his yacht in Charleston, South Carolina, thus ending the life of the "yellow journalism" publisher who was dedicated to looking out for the little guy (if loudly and sensationalistically):
Previously the press usually spoke for the establishment and moneyed interests, but this new strain of journalism supported labor, attacked trusts and monopolies, and exposed scandal, fraud and corruption, both public and private. At a time when journalism was not considered a respectable way of earning a living, Pulitzer was committed to raising the standards of the profession.
Today the best and the brightest in journalism are celebrated with the coveted "Pulitzer." And when I depart this earth I'm going to leave a foundation that will recognize the dullest and the deceptiest. I'm calling it the "Murdoch." (And, unlike the Pulitzer, it will come with its own unique odor.)
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Five years ago in C&J: October 29, 2004
CHEERS to 4-Star Wedgie Masters. Wes Clark has been doing a helluva job smacking down the Repugs for their outlandish attacks on our troops fighting in Iraq. The latest: A blistering attack on Rudy Giuliani, who says our troops(!!) are responsible for the FUBAR situation at Al QaQaa. So there's really no way to court-martial an ex-mayor?
JEERS to America: Land of Equality. The 2001 recession widened the wealth gap between minorities and whites, says The Washington Post. The net worth of Black and Hispanic households fell 27 percent from 1999 to 2001. But white households gained 2 percent. Big deal---that's barely enough to pay the dry cleaning bill for the help's uniforms.
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And just one more...
JEERS to motherf***ing snakes on a motherf***ing mode of transportation that ain't a motherf***ing plane. This being Halloween season and all, what could be more appropriate than a few early-morning willies:
Norwegian police had a bit of a surprise when they noticed something moving on the body of a 22-year-old man getting off a ferry. They found a tarantula in a bag during a routine stop and then in a strip search discovered 14 royal pythons and 10 albino leopard geckos taped to his body. ... According to Helge Breilid at Kristiansand customs the tip off was not hard to spot: "Customs officers quickly realized the man was smuggling animals, because his whole body was in constant motion."
She added: "Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"
Have a lovely Thursday. Stay classy! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
'Cheers and Jeers': It's moderately memorable
---USA Today
10/28/09
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