From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Liar, Liar, Generals' Pants On Fire
So a gaggle of retired top military brass drove their horse and buggy to the Washington Post yesterday and delivered an op-ed on yellowed parchment that predicts the military will literally break if the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Drop the Soap' policy is lifted. I would like to calmly address their issues because...they're nuts. Let's begin:
Polling by Military Times of its active-duty subscribers over the past four years indicates that 58 percent have consistently opposed repeal. In its most recent survey, 10 percent said they would not reenlist if that happened, and 14 percent said they would consider leaving.
Y'know, Generals, you really should be careful what you link to. In the article you cite above, it also says this:
David Segal, a military sociologist at the University at Maryland...described the nearly 10 percent of active-duty respondents who said they would leave the military if the policy was overturned as "a relatively small number."
"That’s a smaller number of career officers than who in the 1970s said they would leave the service if women were admitted to West Point," Segal said. "They were expressing a strongly held attitude. But when women were admitted to West Point, there was not anything near that kind of exodus from the service."
I thought generals were supposed to learn from history, not ignore it. Let me just say I'm glad you guys are retired. On to the next stupid point:
Team cohesion and concentration on missions would suffer if our troops had to live in close quarters with others who could be sexually attracted to them.
Good lord, not that old chestnut. God help the clumsy heterosexual soldier who drops the soap in the shower, because the gays will be swarming over him like ants at a picnic. I wonder, Generals, what conclusion you would draw from a study conducted by this radical fringe group called the U.S. Government:
A congresswoman said Thursday that her "jaw dropped" when military doctors told her that four in 10 women at a veterans hospital reported being sexually assaulted while in the military. A government report indicates that the numbers could be even higher. Rep. Jane Harman, D-California, spoke before a House panel investigating the way the military handles reports of sexual assault.
She said she recently visited a Veterans Affairs hospital in the Los Angeles area, where women told her horror stories of being raped in the military. "My jaw dropped when the doctors told me that 41 percent of the female veterans seen there say they were victims of sexual assault while serving in the military," said Harman, who has long sought better protection of women in the military. "We have an epidemic here," she said.
Looks to me like maybe we should keep heterosexual male soldiers out of the military, since they're the ones who have trouble keeping their peckers in line. I'm really starting to wonder how these generals made it out of basic training. But they're not done yet---their next tactic is brilliant: let's insult our allies!!!
Some suggest that the United States must emulate Denmark, the Netherlands and Canada, which have incorporated homosexuals into their forces. But none of these countries has the institutional culture or worldwide responsibilities of our military. America's armed forces are models for our allies' militaries and the envy of our adversaries---not the other way around. As former senior commanders, we know that the reason for this long-standing envy is the unsurpassed discipline, morale and readiness of our military.
I'm sure the Danes, Dutch and Canadians will be thrilled to know that a bunch of bitter, aging American generals are calling their military servicemen and women disorganized, unprepared, uncultured losers. But I'm curious---why didn’t they also mention the armed forces of Britain or Israel or Australia or Germany? They allow gays to serve openly and I dare anyone to question their effectiveness or morale. And this puzzles me: if we're the role models for the world's armies, shouldn't the number of countries allowing gays to serve openly be going down instead of up? Logic is such a nasty adversary, isn't it, Generals? If only you could invade it and make it surrender, everything would be peachy.
And for their grand finale: bring on the fearmongering...and make it a double!
Consequently, our recent open letter advised America's elected leaders: "We believe that imposing this burden on our men and women in uniform would undermine recruiting and retention, impact leadership at all echelons, have adverse effects on the willingness of parents who lend their sons and daughters to military service, and eventually break the All-Volunteer Force."
Got that? Forcing our troops to serve endless tours in Iraq and Afghanistan won't break the military. No, it will take the gays to do that. And just in case it didn't sink in the first time...
The issue is not one of individual desires, or of the norms and mores of civilian society. Rather, the question is one of national security and the discipline, morale, readiness and culture of the U.S. armed forces upon which that security depends. It is a question we cannot afford to answer in a way that breaks our military.
A statement like that is an insult to even a halfwit's intelligence. These chest-thumpers come across as little more than whiny babies. I wouldn’t be surprised if they check under their beds for monsters (and gays!) at night before they go sleepytime in their George Patton jammies.
This op-ed is offensive---full of distortions, outright lies, insults, and the very worst form of fearmongering. The authors---and their backers---make of themselves a sorry and dishonorable spectacle. They couldn't find room for even one brief mention of the thousands and thousands of gay servicemen and women who have served---and are serving right now, this very minute---in our armed forces with great dedication and distinction. Many gave their lives in the service of their country because they loved their country enough to die for it. That these rocking-chair warriors would deliberately sweep that fact under the rug speaks volumes about their integrity, or lack of it. They are cowards hiding behind a bulwark of bullshit---relying on the same fabricated "evidence" they used to create the policy 16 years ago.
I'll close with the words of the first soldier to be wounded in the Iraq war: retired Marine Staff Sgt. Eric Alva...who is gay:
"I told tons of people," he said, with a laugh. "A lot of my friends, my buddies, my closest Marines, people I had served in combat with. Straight guys, married, with children and everything...three of them which I have become their sons’ godfather now. Everybody was just respectful and was just like ordinary. ‘That’s it? That’s your big news?’"
If that's the sound of the military breaking, we should disband the whole goddam thing and start over.
Cheers and Jeers continues below.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, April 16, 2009
Note: Ow! I just stabbed myself in the cheek with my pipe. Good thing I have elitist insurance.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Earth Day: 6
Days `til Stockton Asparagus Festival in California: 8
Percent of Americans who believe their lives serve "an important purpose": 94%
(Source: Harper's Index)
Number of 'victory gardens' First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt's White House garden helped inspire: 20 million
Percent of the nation's produce that came from victory gardens during W.W. II: 40%
(Source: ABC News via The Week)
Time it took 25 year-old Paul Ridley to row 2,950 miles across the Atlantic: 87 days
Amount he raised for cancer research: $100,000
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
By George, we need honest, reasoned debate around here and not fear-mongering, so anyone out there who suspects Attorney General John Ashcroft of being a nincompoop is clearly aiding terrorists and giving ammunition to America's enemies. Ashcroft says so, and if that's not reasoned debate, what is?
---December, 2001
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Extreme dentistry
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CHEERS to a job well done. Unlike the worldwide anti-war protests of 2002 and 2003---which attracted tens of millions of people---the astroturfed, Fox News-propelled "teabagging parties" garnered wall-to-wall coverage on the teevee even though they only attracted thousands. Why the disparity? Easy! Rich people stood to get richer with America at war (thus less media coverage of the anti-war protests). But they stand to get poorer if popular outrage fails to prevent their taxes from being raised to Clinton-era levels (thus more media coverage of the tea parties). Sneaky, huh. Here are some of my favorite highlights from yesterday's oddfest:
The participants still don’t understand what "teabagging" means. Good gravy...we could eliminate our deficit if we imposed a dumb tax on these people.
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As I mentioned on the front page yesterday, I was fascinated by the protestors who wanted the government to stop funding "Anti-Christ Programs." I'd find it hard to argue with that, but I really worry about the damage that agreeing with such loons would cause to my professional reputation. So let me just say: I'll take it under advisement.
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Lovely: "The American Taxpayers Are The Jews For Obama's Ovens." Sounds like someone needs a hug.
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Hate to say it, but the biggest winner from this whole thing is Fox News. Is there any other news network in existence that gets as much free cross-promotion from all the other networks? I mean, it's understandable: the only directive given to Fox's talking heads is: "Fling poo." And all that poo-flinging is good PR. Murdoch---you brilliant bastard.
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On Hardball, the conservative substitute host, Mike Barnacle, talked about the teabagging parties with ultra-conservative congressman Mike Pence of Indiana, and an ultraconservative organizer of the Chicago rally. No Democrats were invited on the show to offer a dissenting opinion. Damn liberal media.
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The aforementioned Chicago organizer (coughASTROTURFERcough), when asked why the protests were happening now instead of back when Bush and the GOP-led Congress first ran the country off the rails, said that, golly gee willickers, it was just "a coincidence" that the bubble of their rage just happened to explode on a Democratic president's watch, and that they were "just as angry" at the big spenders in their own party. Uh huh. How many protest signs did you see that accused a Republican of tyranny? I could count 'em on one hand and have five fingers left over. Nice try, pal.
So what happens now? Not sure, but the conservatives want to build on their momentum and launch some fresh new campaigns. Coming up in May: the basketball-themed "Rimmers Against Tyranny." Bring it on!
CHEERS to travelin' man. President Obama is on the road again, as he continues his quest to get a passport stamp from every country on Earth by the end of his first year. Today he's in Mexico, where he'll meet with President Felipe Calderon, take in the sights, and eradicate the drug cartels with the three Navy SEAL snipers he's bringing with him. And then at noon he'll take a little break for lunch.
CHEERS to quik 'n EZ solutions. Hey, everybody, I read yesterday that we can eliminate the effects of global warming in one simple step! All we need to do it is get a commitment from everyone on the planet and their governments to cut emissions by 70 percent by the end of the century. And since the chance of that happening is the same as John Boehner selling his golf clubs on eBay, we'll stick with Plan B: wait for that benevolent aliens from Orklork to arrive and save us with their giant CO2-filtering supergills. I hope they get here before the Thrangbolians eat us.
JEERS to burying your pork (IF ya know what I mean). Look, I'm not one of those people who faint at the sight of earmarks. They make up a tiny fraction of the budget and many (perhaps most?) help fund civic projects, create jobs, and make communities look purty. But McClatchy News reports that compliance with the new law requiring transparency on earmarks is a little fudgy:
To find the 22 pages of earmark requests from Rep. Hal Rogers, R-Ky., one must find his Web site, click on "On the Issues," then "Economic Development and Job Creation." Next, the reader sees a long statement from Rogers that starts with his high school graduation in 1955 and, after eight paragraphs, ends with a link to his earmark requests. ...
"A lot of people are hiding their disclosure statements under electronic rocks," said Steve Ellis, the vice president of Taxpayers for Common Sense, a Washington watchdog group.
Not surprised, really. It's a place they call home.
CHEERS to using the Republican playbook against them. I know it's silly, but what the hell. Since Jim Tedisco failed to do as well as expected in his strongest district, and since a judge says that a gob of absentee ballots---which will likely favor Democrat Scott Murphy---can be added to the count, I hereby declare Murphy the UNDISPUTED WINNER of the race for New York's 20th congressional district. It's over. And that means the voters have delivered their decision in the GOP-fabricated "Referendum on Obama": They like him. They really, really like him.
JEERS to "mother-effing snakes on my mother-effing plane!" Flying Qantas airlines anytime soon? If so, you might find yourself sharing your seat with a little company: four baby pythons that escaped from the cargo hold. Airline officials say there's nothing to worry about. As long as you're a professional python handler.
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Five years ago in C&J: April 16, 2004
JEERS to Bush flip-flop #432. Reversing traditional U.S. policy, Preznit endorses unilateral Israeli peace plan. Wow, this guy has nothing but middle fingers on his hands...and they all seem to be extended at the Arabs.
JEERS to dumb jocks. Time magazine reports that graduation rate of NCAA Champion UConn men's basketball team is only 27%. NCAA Champion women's team graduates at 67%. And that surprises...who?
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And just one more...
CHEERS to memories...sweet memories. I don’t know if I can make it through this item without getting a little choked up. You see, I---and perhaps you, too---had more fun than any mortal should be able to have during the teabaggers' putsch. Now it's all over and it's bumming me out. So, for old time's sake, here's a little highlight reel of the week's events as seen through the eyes of the participants, their media enablers, and the astroturfer elite. Moral of the story: never teabag a unicorn---it never ends well.
Oh, and here's some good news: I think we've located Moran's brother. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"I was expecting an interview on Austrian economics. So, that didn't turn out that way. But, by the time Bill in Portland Maine started pulling his pants down, I...what is going on here? I ran out of the room. This interview has ended."
---Rep. Ron Paul
4/15/09
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