Staffer (approaches gingerly): Congresswoman?
Bachmann (looks up from computer screen, revealing that she was posting a comment on a freeper board as "CensusBoycott2009"): Yes?
Staffer: I just received word that three members of the GOP caucus have asked you to give up your Census boycott.
Bachmann (shakes head): I just knew it.
Staffer (confused): Knew what?
Bachmann: Obama's socialist mind control is already working. He's taken over the Republican Party.
Staffer (horrified): Oh no! What do we do? You're the only thing standing between us and insanity!
Bachmann (soothing): Don't worry. I have a plan. But we must be careful. And we cannot admit the real reason I am boycotting the Census.
Staffer: You mean we have to stop telling the truth about how they plan to round up Americans and put them in FEMA camps, just like the Japanese in World War II?
Bachmann: Oh yeah, I'd been meaning to tell you about that. Michelle Malkin cleared that up for me -- it was actually a good thing to put them in internment camps, so that's not why I'm against the Census anymore.
Staffer: So why are you against the Census?
Bachmann: If I told you the truth, your life would be in danger.
Staffer: From The Obamessiah?
Bachmann (nods): Listen, I'm standing firm on this. But if they ask you why I won't fill out the Census, I want you to give them a cover story.
Staffer: What's the cover story?
Bachmann: That I've gone hiking.
Staffer: Gone hiking? Where?
Bachmann: Around Lake Bemidji.
Staffer: I didn't know you liked hiking.
Bachmann: Yes, I love hiking. I've always gone hiking. And we're all hikers now. So be careful. Because they are coming after us hikers.