To whom is this polite missive addressed? Which set of morons am I respectfully asking to please, for the love of all that which does not suck, stop pulling Cadillacs out of gnat-shit and inventing your own alternate reality out of wholecloth? Am I talking to teabaggers? Of course not - why the fuck would I waste my time talking to them? Am I talking to the Trad Med? Same response.
Am I talking to people around here who, for the life of them, cannot distinguish an anonymous rumor they heard from their second cousin's girlfriend's dog fluffer about something the White House might be planning from an official declaration by the President? You bet your patchouli-stinking, fucking degenerate media-suckled pseudo-hippie dumb ass I am.
In a cycle of mindless, spasmodic reactions that reminded me at turns of either orgasms or loose bowel movements, this community has oscillated radically several times in several days between orgiastic celebration of a victory that hasn't yet been achieved, and Jonestown-esque mass rhetorical suicide declaring all lost and our most brilliant and dedicated leaders cowards and fools. And at every turn, it was all spawned by some utterly fucking typical media story from anonymous sources, which the White House then had the audacity to differ with, or because the President said something that wasn't directly intended to stroke a progressive blogger's dick.
I must ask this question in all seriousness: Has someone, somewhere taken over a bunch of defunct UIDs and decided to go on an astroturfing cognitive dissonance FUD blitzkrieg? Because that's what I'm seeing taking place, and I just cannot...CANNOT believe that Kossacks are that completely, utterly, nard-stompingly imbecilic and incapable of even the most basic rational reflection. So, I am operating under the assumption that we have been taken over by aliens. EXTRAORDINARILY FUCKING DUMB aliens. Aliens whose Universal Translator has figured our words, but not quite figured out how to put them together in ways that MAKE FUCKING SENSE.
Here is my brilliant, Nobel Prize-worthy plan for dealing with this Hurricane Katrina of idiocy:
- All stupid people must immediately STFU.
- All comments must be prefaced by at least one CONSCIOUS THOUGHT.
- All reactions that lead to a comment must originate with something that actually happened IN REALITY.
- Stop referring to Rahm Emanuel as Dick Cheney for failing to be Howard Dean, you onanistic hippie puritan fuckwits.
- ANYONE who expressed "disappointment" with Barack Obama before May of this year is no longer allowed to talk about him at all, EVER AGAIN, because they are too fucking stupid to offer any meaningful contribution about a President this intelligent. Your vote and your money may be useful, but your fucked mind is not.
- A PSA from the SANE COMMUNITY to the ANALYTICALLY CHALLENGED members: Here is the procedure for posting a diary: (1)Choose a topic. (2)Research the topic. (3)THINK about your research, as in, CRITICALLY. As in, "Hmm, apparently this douchebag is just making things up. Maybe I SHOULDN'T respond to it by writing an instantaneously Rec Listed diary based on it claiming that the White House is hosting Eyes Wide Shut "fidelio"-style sex orgy parties with health insurance CEOs."
If you fail to abide by these very simple rules, I will personally kick some asses. I am making a list, and I am checking it twice. I am Santa Claus with the jolly replaced by a raging hardon to dole out ass-whoopings among the dumbshittery. Take your hands off your dick and get a grip on reality, or I will mulch you and sell you as a protein shake for $14.95. Capice, dingleberries???
Now, where was I? Ah, yes. I was about to write a diary about the history of backgammon... Well, back to work!
Update: Wow, still NOT on the Rec List! Thanks guys!