From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
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I didn’t think there was anything that could steal President Obama's thunder today, but there is: the announcement of the Fantastic Bombastic All-Star Netroots Nation Online Auction. Yes---the one everyone's been talking about!
Proceeds benefit Netroots Nation (a California 501(c)4 corporation, says a lawyer), and enable the organizers to underwrite the costs associated with planning Netroots Nation 2010 in Las Vegas and also their year-round regional salon program.
The auction starts next Tuesday, September 15th (we'll link to it when it goes live) and runs through Tuesday, September 29th. The organizers have rounded up some cool stuff (more on that in a second), and they'd be thrilled to include your donations.
To donate an auction item, first rifle through your stuff and find things that'll make people go "Oooh!" and/or "Ahhh!" (I'll be raiding my political memorabilia vault.) Then go here to this groovy place. You'll be asked to provide information and, if you have them, digital photos for your item(s). Netroots Nation will contact you after it has been reviewed.
If you'd prefer to have Netroots Nation do it for you, or if you have any questions, just e-mail Karen Kolber at: Karen (at) netrootsnation (dot) org. Then, when the auction starts, let your friends know via Twitter, Facebook, email, odd grunting sounds that only they can understand, and semaphore.
As for what Karen, Linda and the auction crew have already lined up, well...feast your eyes (this is a really abbreviated list):
> DailyKos User ID #200000
> A 1-year subscription to the Cook Political Report
> A shirt signed by Bill Clinton
> An autographed copy of Howard Dean's Prescription for Real Healthcare Reform
> Lunch with Nate Silver
> Let me repeat that: LUNCH WITH NATE FRICKIN' SILVER!
> An autographed copy of The Audacity of Greed by Jonathan Tasini
> Backstage passes to Netroots Nation 2010 in Las Vegas (Once you've gone behind the curtain, my friend, your life is never the same.)
> A front-row table for the NN 2010 keynotes
> A Super Suite at The Rio Hotel and Casino from July 18-25
> An autographed copy of The Conscience of a Liberal by Paul Krugman
> A Shepard Fairey poster from the Pittsburgh MoveOn Party
> An official 2006 Yearly Kos Banner Signed by Kos, Jerome a Paris, Gina Cooper, Bill in Portland Maine (including my famous warning, which now appears on all U.S. currency: "No good can come from this"), Darksyde, DemfromCT, Kagro X, Trapper John, Pontificator, Brian Keeler, Linda Lee, McJoan, and a gaggle of other Kossacks whose names you'll instantly recognize.
> A limited edition 2009 Presidential Inauguration Folio with Envelope
> An autographed copy of The Green Collar Economy by the always awesome Van Jones
> A suede jacket suitable for strutting, rumbling, or just walking wistfully among the autumn leaves as you plot Glenn Beck's downfall
Netroots Nation has become a force of nature in the political world, and the conservatives are mighty scared of its grassroots-level achievements in organization, outreach, and progressive community-building. Let's keep 'em cowering by making this a kickass auction and bringing in some needed funding. Who knows---if you bid smart, your house may be the one whose windows I come and clean in the nude. Carpe Diem!
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Note: I don’t know who you are, madam. I don’t know where you come from or where you're going. I'm not familiar with your employment or financial status, nor your religion, family history, ethnic background or political leanings. I don’t know about your TV-viewing habits, your hidden secrets or your social life. I don’t know if you're gay or straight or if you're packing heat. But this I do know: you are wearing white after Labor Day, and I...take...umbrage.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Shuttle Discovery astronauts come home: 1
Days `til Talk Like a Pirate Day: 10
Percent of Americans who took anti-depressants in 1996: 5.8%
Percent of Americans who took anti-depressants in 2005: 10%
(Source: US News)
Percentage by which moderate web surfers are more productive in their jobs than non-surfers: 9%
(Source: Harper's Index)
Amazon.com rank of Susan Boyle's CD, which doesn’t come out for another two months: #1
Number of copies of my CD single, The Sodom Cha Cha, sold to date: 0
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 163 (including 4 Financial Unrests and 1 apparently Satanic dollar bill...and don’t forget it also has traces of cocaine on it!). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day Parade: Sister Jean, a 94-year-old resident at Maryknoll, a care facility for nuns in Ossining, N.Y., spent her days clutching a stuffed dog and staring off into space. No one could get through to her. Then Boo began visiting. Little by little, Sister Jean responded. First she stopped bringing the stuffed toy to their sessions. Then she uncurled her clenched hands to stroke the dog’s fur. Recently, she spoke for the first time in years. Her words? "Hello, Boo!"
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CHEERS to the grownup in the room. So...this is it. Tonight the lines are drawn in the sand. The President will explain to a joint session of Congress---and the unwashed citizenry, not that they matter---what he wants in healthcare reform legislation. The stakes are high and the tension is higher. This is a test that America has put off too long. Tonight it comes to a head. And this morning I can reveal a crucial part of the event. I'm speaking, of course, of the drinking-game rules:
Take a swig every time Obama says we can no longer afford to wait for healthcare reform; tells a story of a struggling family; or debunks a right-wing myth.
Take a shot every time he continues speaking through applause for effect; cracks himself up with a joke; or calls for a "bipartisan solution."
And drain the bottle if a single Republican stands up and applauds when Obama talks about his support for a government-backed health insurance option.
Just a hunch, but I'm guessing it'll be mostly the swigs that put me under the table.
CHEERS to famous firsts. Yesterday, Sonia Sotomayor was sworn in as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court. (I wasn't aware that the hokey pokey was a part of it, but I must admit she put her hands and feet in and out and shook 'em all about like a pro.) As she started to take her victory lap, she said, "That's one small step for a wise diabetic Latina. One giant leap for humankind." And later: Made it, Ma! Top 'o the world!"
CHEERS to cutting and running. Perhaps the only name that's become as hated as Bush and Cheney---besides Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Gonzales, Rove, Beck and Limbaugh---is "Diebold." Their voting machines were so hackable, so easily-manipulated, so blatantly crappy that it's no wonder Republicans loved them so much. Well, they've sold that division to some outfit in Nebraska that, for all we know, could be just as bad. Apparently Diebold used their own machines to allow their board of directors to decide the fate of the company. The final tally was 62% No to 1,129% yes.
CHEERS to the home of the Golden Gate Bridge Golden 55 Electoral Votes. On September 9, 1850, California became the 31st state in the union. And if there's anything---anything at all---that we can do to make your stay there more comfortable, just ask. We love you, California. We love you, we love you, we love you. Especially every four years in November.
JEERS to slippage. Well, this is a little embarrassing. When it comes to the competitiveness of the United States economy, our new chant is: "We're #2! We're #2!" We got our clocks cleaned this year by a country that makes cuckoo clocks. Or as the Pentagon is calling them, "WMDs" (Wind-ups of Mass Distraction). We invade at sundown.
CHEERS to a very fine day in America. Once upon a time---say, September 8, 2009---the President of the United States was scheduled to give a video pep talk to students across the nation. But Republicans cried foul. "He wants to brainwash our children!" they said. "He wants to indoctrinate them into the ways of Mao and Vladimir!" they warned with a level of certainty approaching 110 percent. But the president gave his speech anyway. And everybody cheered! "What an inspiring message," the kids all said in unison. "What a fine example for our children," said the grownups, thoughtfully stroking their chins which, since there were so many of them doing it at the same time, made a mild sandpaper-like sound. And everyone celebrated later that night with ice cream. Except for the Republicans who spoke of brainwashing and indoctrination. They just slunk home, so thoroughly disgraced that all they could do was pull down the window shades, load up some porn on the computer, and alternate between sulking and fuming. The End. (I love happy endings, don’t you?)
CHEERS to the Peacock Network. Eighty three years ago today---in 1926---the National Broadcasting Company (NBC) was organized. Their news division (and cable spin-off) is about the only one I can stomach, and their history is dotted with so many awesome shows (start with Tonight and Laugh-In and West Wing and Cosby and Cheers and Frasier and SNL and go from there) that it makes me wanna hit the lottery so I can spend the rest of my life re-watching 'em all. But as far as we're concerned, their most lasting legacy will always be those lovely chimes. Ear candy.
CHEERS to a good message well told. From MoveOn, via email---something for Barack Obama's iPod:
Last week we asked MoveOn members to share photos showing how they and their loved ones are suffering under our broken health care system. The responses simply blew us away. We showed the photos to recording artists R.E.M., and together we produced this incredibly powerful video. Watch the video and share it with your friends today.
You're my friend, so...have a look. My first thought: we are ruled by fools. My second thought: not enough cowbell.
JEERS to the Founding Flip-floppers. On this date in 1776, the Continental Congress, caving to the pressure of the emerging States industry and their cutthroat lobbyists, officially changed our country's name from "United Colonies" to "United States." And I'm thinking that, before Obama's first term is up, we're gonna need to change it again...to "United? Ha!"
JEERS to sleeping at the switch. The SEC inspector general is out with a new report detailing what went wrong during the sixteen year span of ineffective probes into the Bernie Madoff empire. It's 477 pages long and consists of the word "everything" repeated over and over. They should make the bunglers write it a thousand times on a school chalkboard.
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Five years ago in C&J: September 9, 2004
CHEERS to Jimmy Carter. Zell Miller gets spit-balled by #39: "Everyone knows that you were chosen to speak at the Republican Convention because of your being a `Democrat,' and it's quite possible that your rabid and mean-spirited speech damaged our party and paid the Republicans some transient dividends." Hell hath no fury like a Nobel Peace Prize-winner scorned.
JEERS to terrorism. As in, Dick Cheney terrorizing Americans with lines like, "...if [voters] make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get hit again, and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating." You mean like that little attack that happened on your watch a few years back, Chicken Little?
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And just one more...
CHEERS to num num for the tum tum. In yesterday's C&J poll, we were thrilled to see that over 1,600 Kossacks (27%) admitted to eating paste in school. Awesome! And many elaborated in the comments:
Paste was often better than the lunch my mother made....No paste, but I did eat rock salt....Cheers to eating paste....OMG I used to LOVE eating paste!!!....I ate pencil erasers....You really ate paste? You're weird, Bill....I must confess I did indulge when I was young and innocent, but I did so surreptitiously, unlike one of my classmates who apparently stuck the ruler in there and ate huge gobs of it....I preferred sniffing magic markers, or freshly mimeographed test papers. Remember those?....I ate paste in school because it tasted better than the school lunches! Remember meat pinwheel?
I am truly among friends. And memo to our elected officials: ignore our mighty minority at your peril. Subsidize our Elmer's, Obama!
Oh, and if I may say: I'm glad Senator Franken hasn’t given up performing altogether. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Amid swine flu, Cheers and Jeers rethinks the butt kiss
---MSNBC
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