DEC 11. ASSOCIATED PRESS - SEVEN OAKS, OHIO - A small midwestern town erupted in violence late last night as a the RIAATF stormed the home of a thirteen-year-old boy suspected of downloading an MP3 of the lastest hit by rapper Heavy Cream.
A neighbor caught the action on videotape as a tank poked its turret through the steel siding of the cookie-cutter homes than line the streets of this small Cleveland suburb.
As yellow smoke poured from the alleged criminal's home, Bradley Buckles, the former ATF director now leading the RIAA's fight against illegal music downloading, remarked that the youth was suspectd of having more than three-hundred MP3 stored on his hard drive.
It appears that the tear gas being pumped into the touched off a fire when it came in contact with the boy's hair gel stockpile, essentially creating fifteen gallons of napalm. The boy was killed in the ensuing explosion.
"If you are thirteen-year-old boy, you're much more likely to die like this in Afghanistan than in a Cleveland suburb," remarked Buckles "and I don't know what that means, but this wasn't my fault."