So, with all the efforts for amendments to our constitution lately, it got me to thinking, perhaps we need more of them. We can't have our Senate actually doing anything productive, gays might be getting married somewhere, flags might be getting burned, or otherwise defaced. So what other pressing issues are there that just have to have a constitutional amendment?
After taking off my thinking cap, and envisioning myself as a dutiful Dittohead, I came up with the following amendments that the GOP would just love.
The Cute Puppy Amendment: We all know puppies are cute, but there are some who just don't fully appreciate how cute and adorable these little critters are, this must be enshrined in our constitution! There's people that are actually partial to
gasp kittens!
The Fudge Amendment: It's a national crisis, people are eating way too much fudge! This delicious treat is making American asses fatter at an alarming rate! The only way to protect us is with a constitutional ammendment! It's critical for the continued propserity, and health, of our great nation! Join FudgePAC and stop the insanity! (Ok, so I just wanted an excuse to use FudgePAC)
Repeal the 15, 19th, and 24th Amendments: Let's face it, if it weren't for minorities, women and poor people, it'd be non-stop Republicans at every level of government. The Democrats could never win an election without them broads and brown people voting! And them white men who ain't makin the big bucks, well they're probably all athiests and homos anyways.
Protection of Golf Courses Amendment: America's golf courses are in a crisis, ever since that Tiger Woods fella came along, there's been more and more brown people playing golf. For years women, yes, women I say! Have been tainting our sacred golf courses with their estrogenated presence! This must be stopped, the future of golf depends on it!
Revision of the 16th Amendment: It's just not fair that good, decent rich people have to pay taxes, hell, if it weren't for the wealthy, the Chinese... I mean Indians... I mean Malaysians... Ummm... It's just not fair rich people have to help pay for anything! It's critical that anybody making over $1,000,000 a year pays no taxes, and in fact gets a check every year from the government for $500,000, for the sake of the prosperity of the only people that count.
Protection of Rich People Amendment: We all know laws are only for poor people, but occasionally some uppity prosecutor gets it in his, or worse, her head that rich people can be held accountable for our actions. This must stop! Immediately, for the sake of the Ken Lays, the Dick Cheneys, the Duke Cunninghams, this Amendment must be put in place. This amendment will bar any prosecution for any crime by any person with a net worth over $5 million.
Defense of The Workplace Amendment: Women, for decades, have been a threat to the workplace, and the worst of all, sometimes they actually hold positions of power! Now, we all know that women are supposed to just sit there, type, take dictation, make coffee, and look pretty. It's a Republican's God given right to sexually harass any woman in the workplace, yet the Athiest, Communists, Feminists, and other Freedom Haters have actually managed to put laws into place preventing this time honored tradition! This ammendment would effectively repeal all sexual harrassment laws, and ban all married, overweight, or unattractive women from working.
The Defense of Church Amendment: Our nation is in a crisis, there are people who actually don't attend Protestant churches! Whether they're sleeping in on a Sunday, or a member of some heathen cult, or gasp working on the Sabbath! The nation's church attendance is in an alarming decline, and this must be stopped. This amendment will require attendance to a pre-approved Protestant church every Sunday, and enact a mandatory tithing as well. This law doesn't apply to millionaires, billionaires, and Republican politicians.