From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Save C&J Fundraiser: Year 4, Day 3 Update
Our total in the annual C&J fundraiser is $7,000. We're shooting for a goal of $25k by week's end so I can turn off the flashing "PESTER MY BOSSES" sign for another year. Many thanks for supporting this little rag-within-a-respectable-blog. Together, you've made a magical difference in the life of a caged manchild.
One time contribution: click here.
$5 monthly contribution: click here
$10 monthly contribution: click here
$20 monthly contribution: click here
To send a check via snail mail, the address is: Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.
And now, another edition of Oh! More Things I Know:
>> Subscriptions should be for magazines and beer-of-the-month clubs, not fire-putting-outing.
>> The "country club wing" of the Republican party is alive and well. They're simply hiding behind the scenes financing the tea party movement. (Hi, Koch brothers, you silly Dixiecuplicans---we see you!)
>> Jobs are cool. We should make some.
>> When Maine secedes from the Union next summer... Oops! I've said too much!
>> Sharron Angle really needs a hug. I really need to not give her one.
>> People say that no word rhymes with 'orange.' I can think of one: 'Plorange.' It means, "Word that rhymes with orange."
>> If corporations really gave a shit about helping Americans during a recession they'd funnel a lot less money into Republican political campaigns and a lot more into non-partisan charitable causes. But they don’t, so they don’t.
>> Have you heard all the caterwauling about the Islamic community center in Lower Manhattan the last couple weeks? Yeah...me neither.
>> I've changed my mind about high-speed rail. Given the economy, we should downsize to high-speed chairlifts.
>> I didn’t just ask my doctor if the drug I saw on TV "is right for me," I also asked him about my clothes, my hair, my teeth, my car, my dreams, and my place in this crazy world. He now has an unlisted number.
>> In the latest issue of Time, retiring Archbishop Desmond Tutu says:
"In the end, the perpetrators of injustice or oppression, the ones who strut the stage of the world often seemingly unbeatable---there is no doubt at all that they will bite the dust. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful! Wonderful! Wonderful!"
That would make a great bumper sticker.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 7, 2010
Note: Hey, there! It's me, Future Billy! I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, we can survive on earth without the ozone layer. The bad news is, losing the ozone layer will cause you all to float into space because you didn't put your lead boots on in time. But the other good news is, man, what a view!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Halloween: 24
Days `til the Science and Engineering Festival in D.C.: 16
Portion of voters who say that Sarah Palin's endorsements are motivated by a self-centered need to stay in the public eye: 2-in-3
Percent of conservatives who say that: 53%
(Source: CBS News /New York Times poll)
Percent of men who say their partner had an orgasm during sex, and the actual percent of women who said they did: 85%, 64%
Percent of women and men, respectively, in the survey who identified themselves as gay or bisexual: 7%, 8%
(Source: Indiana University study via Reuters)
Number of states with laws specifically banning texting while driving: 30
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
[A] 1995 study by the Federal Reserve says the top 1 percent of American households (that's everybody with more than $2.3 million) own about 35 percent of the nation's wealth, and that figure gets worse every year, too.
Looked at from the other side of the Income Gap, we find that those in the bottom 20 percent have actually lost ground in the nineties, while simultaneously piling up a staggering degree of debt. Why would anyone deliberately aggravate what is already a ridiculous imbalance?
We've just finished with a Congress that couldn’t bring itself to raise the minimum wage by a whopping $1 over three years. And I remind you that the R's loaded even that pitiful gesture with $40 billion in tax breaks for the rich. Senator Don Nickles of Oklahoma, that nasty man, even tried to use the minimum-wage bill to sneak in an additional tax write-off for the three-martini lunch---what a highly developed sense of class he has.
---December, 1999
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Well, at least Republicans aren’t crazy enough to kick puppies. Oh, wait...they are. (The "radical" Missouri initiative's language is here)
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CHEERS to peace in our time (but not the kind of "peace in our time" Neville Chamberlain talked about because that kind really sucked, just so we're clear). Condi Rice would've packed up her Steinway and cut and run long ago, but the new Team USA just keeps on goin'...
U.S., Israeli and Palestinian officials are hopeful they can break an impasse that has threatened to kill new U.S.-brokered Mideast peace talks before they really begin. A U.S. official close to the negotiations said Wednesday that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu seems likely to cut a deal to keep the talks going. Palestinian officials said much the same, and Israeli officials said Netanyahu does not want talks to founder.
Why are these talks still alive when so many have failed in the past? You can thank the Hillary Prayer: Lord, grant me the serenity to know when to buy the negotiating party a round of drinks, the courage to know when to give 'em a titty twister they'll never forget, and the wisdom to know the difference. (Which, by the way, explains why Chelsea's new husband has started wearing a stainless-steel manzier.)
CHEERS to "the perfect atomic lattice." In 2004 a pair of Russian scientists put a piece of Scotch tape on a piece of pencil graphite and then yanked it off. And that, my friends, is how you win a Nobel Prize in physics. Their discovery---graphene---is "a single-atom-thick sheet of carbon." They say it's the thinnest material ever discovered. If you don’t count the Republican "Pledge to America."
CHEERS to getting pucked. Baseball's post-season started yesterday, and Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay grabbed the spotlight when he pitched a no-hitter (and beat the Reds 4-0). But while baseball is winding down, another sport is winding up: the NHL hockey season starts this afternoon!!! Whoo hoo! I'm so giddy I just know I'll be knocking strangers' teeth out all day.
CHEERS to living saints. Let's hear it for Bishop Desmond Tutu, who turns 79 today! A few reasons why we love him:
"Be nice to the whites, they need you to rediscover their humanity."
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"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality."
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"I don't preach a social gospel; I preach the Gospel, period. The gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is concerned for the whole person. When people were hungry, Jesus didn't say, `Now is that political or social?' He said, `I feed you.'"
Enjoy your retirement, Your Bishopfulness. You're a hero to the universe and beyond. But don’t get cocky---I still ain't gonna spot you any points on the squash court, pal.
JEERS to the Liar-in-Chief. Eight---eight!---years ago today, President George W. Bush declared in a speech that only the removal of Saddam Hussein from power would end the U.S. confrontation with Iraq. After they cleaned up from their simultaneous orgasms, the neo-cons whipped out their talking points, promising an easy, cheap and low-casualty venture that would be over in a matter of weeks, and end in a shower of "sweets and flowers." Let's check their accuracy, shall we? Yes...let's:
Duration: 417 weeks and counting.
Casualties: 4,742 dead coalition troops (4,424 of them Americans); thousands more scarred for life; hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians dead or wounded.
Cost: $2-3 trillion, more than twice the amount of the health insurance bill.
Combined weight of the 'sweets and flowers shower': 0.00001 ounces.
And let's not forget that the current quagmire in Afghanistan is as bad as it is because Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld---who make the Three Stooges look like Einstein, Copernicus and Aristotle---took their eye off the ball and went gallivanting into what they thought was a "slam dunk" for reasons that were based more on politics and petroleum than impending peril. So when the conservatives scream and cry because Barack Obama is "blowing it" in Afghanistan, I'll remind them that the current president is simply trying to clean up the mess left behind by his predecessor...and that the level of difficulty in achieving success in 2010 is proportional to the Bush administration's level of incompetence and neglect over the last eight---eight!---years. And then I'll give 'em a dirty look. That oughtta teach 'em.
CHEERS to sellin' the sizzle. MSNBC has a new slogan that, according to its president, represents the new "progressive sensibility" at the network (if, of course, you shield your eyes from that uber-conservative drawler and his eye-rolling sidekick in the morning). And the new motto is..."Lean Forward." Which is exactly the same as my motto except for the four extra words: "...and pull mah finger."
JEERS to Groundhog Day: Gridiron Edition. On October 7, 1916, Georgia Tech scored a touchdown against Cumberland University of Lebanon, Tennessee. Then they scored another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. By the time it was over the scoreboard read 222-0. When asked by their coach why they didn't execute any of the plays they'd spent three months practicing, the Lebanon players responded: "You didn't say please." It's always the little things.
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Five years ago in C&J: October 7, 2005
CHEERS to that little shred of decency. In a 90-9 vote last night, the Senate passed a bill the forbids "cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment" by U.S. troops. Says sponsor John McCain: "The enemy we fight has no respect for human life or human rights. This is about who we are. These are the values that distinguish us from our enemies." And, oddly enough, our president. [10/7/10 Update: Oh, silly me, I shoulda known---McCain was only against torture until he was for it. C&J regrets the error.]
JEERS to the upheaval of western civilization. (via gossip columnist Atrios) This is bad...really bad. America absorbed the fallout from Brad and Jen's divorce. Will we be able to coalesce as a nation to heal ourselves from the split of Nick and Jessica??? Only if the Federal Emergency Management Agency acts fast enough. Icepacks! Now!!
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And just one more...
JEERS to the human whine seller. Susan Collins was in full "Waaaah!" mode when she spoke at a forum assembled to figure out how to end "divisive discourse" between the parties. She hemmed and hawed about---lawdy lawdy---how uncivil and morally tawdry we've become! Okay, two things...first this:
Maine's Republican gubernatorial candidate, Paul LePage, made national headlines last week after pledging at a public forum that, if elected, he regularly would tell President Obama "to go to hell." He later said he regretted his choice of words, but did not apologize. Maine's junior senator declined to say whether LePage should apologize. "I'm not going to comment on his choice of words," she said before delivering her speech.
Way to speak out against that divisive discourse! Second...Jon Stewart from a couple weeks ago:
Clip of Senator Susan Collins (R-ME) on the Senate floor: I think [repealing 'Don't Ask Don’t Tell'] is the right thing to do. I think it's only fair. ... But I cannot vote to proceed to this bill under a situation that is going to shut down the debate and preclude Republican amendments. That, too, is not fair.
Jon Stewart: So the Army's multi-decade policy of discrimination against homosexuals, forcing them to live a life of secrecy and shame for the privilege of defending this country, is an injustice! But not as unjust as the majority party attempting to limit amendments, say, in the exact same way that Majority Leader Bill Frist did when he broke a Democratic filibuster of a bill to shield gun manufacturers from lawsuits filed by victims of gun crimes with the help of---say it with me---Susan Collins of Maine.
But I will say this, Ma'am: you look very stylish with that log in your eye.
Have a nice Thursday. Get out there and make a joyful noise. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"I am not a witch. I'm Bill in Portland Maine!"
---Christine O'Donnell
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