From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
The Morning After
First and foremost, we must congratulate some of the Democratic winners, names both old and new: Patrick Leahy and Chris Coons. Chuck Schumer and Dick Blumenthal. Kirsten Gillibrand and Barbara Mikulski. Jim Gray, the new and openly-gay mayor of Lexington Kentucky, Governor John Lynch of New Hampshire, the gay-marriage-into-law-signer who won reelection, and good ol' Barney Frank. Andrew Cuomo defeated the porn-forwarding homophobe with anger issues (I forget his name already) in New York's governor race, and Deval Patrick coasted to his guv win in Massachusetts. I love seeing Lincoln Chafee back in the political saddle as the governor of Rhode Island, and John Hickenlooper in the Colorado statehouse. Jerry Brown and Barbara Boxer--woo hoo! And Maine's two Democratic congressmembers, Chellie Pingree and Mike Michaud went through their challengers like a spoon through a jar of delicious Maine blueberry jam, now on sale at fine supermarkets across America. (Buy some today!)
The Republican Nazi re-enactor in Ohio is crying in his strudel this morning after he literally met his political "D"-Day. (Und vee say Heil! [Thpptt!] Heil! [Thpptt!] Right in Herr Iott's face!) And there will be no stationery printed with the words: "From the Desk of Senator Sharron Angle" on it.
Plus---minor little thing here---we still hold the Senate, which is where destructive Republican bills from the House will go to die. (But, damn, losing Feingold is just crazy.)
And now we'll overturn the stone to see what's underneath and...oh god, that's ugly. The good news is, we didn’t lose 435 seats last night. The bad news is, we seem to have lost 434.
Let's keep this in perspective. This is not a seismic shift to the Republican agenda. This was a protest vote---a message to Democrats that said, "We don’t think you delivered results fast enough, so we're going to make you feel our pain the only way we know how: by reminding you that there's another team out there."
But this does not mean Americans are in love with Republicans, or even that they like them...they don't. Democrats are still more popular than Republicans. Democratic policies are still more popular than Republican policies when we explain them...it's just that the average American doesn’t have the time or inclination to be explained to. So on we search for ways to slap our brand on a bumper sticker. ("We're less worse than Republicans" didn’t cut it this time.)
And a special message for the "loose confederation" of "non-affiliated" tea party types:
When you see Republican leaders in the House fucking up and doing the very things you crapped your costume pantaloons over---and they will---you must stay true to your "party-neutral" mission and declare war on them the same way you declared war on those nasty Democrats. Because don't forget: by your own admission you're not Republican...or Democrat...or anything "organized." You say so yourself every five minutes. So when Republicans start pumping out juicy slabs of pork to their districts willy nilly, and add to the deficit, and raise the debt ceiling, and ignore your agenda and, yes, when THEY START TREADING ON YOU...you must hold rallies against them and call them what you called Democrats: tyrants and traitors and Hitlers and Maos and Stalins who want to drop-kick your grandma onto an ice floe (if you can find one these days).
And if you don't judge the New Improved House by the same standards you judged the Old Tyrannical House, then you wallowers-in-hypocrisy will have two options: either drop the charade and start calling yourselves plain old (and getting older by the day) lockstep Republicans again...or shut the hell up.
As for you, John Boehner: jobs jobs jobs jobs jobs. If you and your corporate buddies don’t produce jobs jobs jobs jobs jobs by 2012, it's gonna be one helluva short honeymoon. And we'll remember that you told your right-wing fringe last night that "I'll never let you down."
As Lawrence O'Donnell responded, in the understatement of the evening: "Oh...yes...you...will."
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Note: Today's C&J goes splendidly with a bottle of 1869 Châteaux Lafite-Rothschild. That'll be $232,692, please. Or, for an even thousand we'll let you sniff the cork.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 22
Days `til the 17th annual Rio Grande Valley Birding Festival in Harlingen, Texas: 7
Chance that an American criminologist thinks abolishing the death penalty would increase the murder rate: 1-in-10
(Source: Harper's Index)
Drop in the risk of developing memory problems among the elderly who walked 6-9 miles per week: 50%
(Source: Time)
Number of cruise ships that visited Portland this year: 71
Number of passengers they dumped on our doorstep: 75,563
(Source: Portland Press Herald)
Percent chance that Keith Olbermann discontinued his "Worst Person in the World" segment in response to the message of the Stewart/Colbert rally: 100%
Percent chance that a conservative host will make a similar gesture: 0%
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 173 (including 4 Nuclear Nations and 1 savior in serious need of an upgrade). Soul Protection Factor 6 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Proposition B passes in Missouri! Woo hoooooooo!!!
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CHEERS to a (temporarily) sober glance in the rearview mirror. Just so we can preserve it in pixilated amber for political scientists of the future, here's a nice summary of the impact of the Tuesday elections from People for the American Way:
There are some clear lessons we can learn:
• Democrats who fail to stand up for Democratic and progressive principles fail in elections.
• The Right's lies still work.
• The Far Right strengthened its grip on the Republican Party.
• We have a lot of work to do to educate people, expose right-wing lies and counter the resurgent Right.
Actually, they wrote that a year ago, after the 2009 elections. Much work still left to do. There always is.
CHEERS and JEERS to the view from Maine. Exciting night around these parts. Polls showed our congressional races looking uncomfortably close, but in the end Chellie Pingree and Mike Michaud easily coasted to re-election. In the governor's race, Democrat Libby Mitchell bowed out way early after garnering only 19 percent, and it looks like teabagger Paul LePage will squeak out a win over independent Eliot Cutler. (It's currently 38%-37% with 11 percent of the vote still unreported.) What else? Portland will get to elect its mayor for the first time in eons and give the mostly-ceremonial position some power. And, thanks to the awful economy, it looks like Mainers have finally---after several wise rebukes in the past---given the green light for a full-service all-the-bells-and-whistles casino. So now we're bracing ourselves for the worst---something we haven't seen in our state's 190-year history: Carrot Top LIVE!
CHEERS to ABC News. Ohmigod! This is like chicken soup for the progressive soul:
ABC's letter to Andrew Breitbart
Dear Mr. Breitbart,
We have spent the past several days trying to make clear to you your limited role as a participant in our digital town hall to be streamed on ABCNews.com and Facebook. The post on your blog last Friday created a widespread impression that you would be analyzing the election on ABC News. We made it as clear as possible as quickly as possible that you had been invited along with numerous others to participate in our digital town hall. Instead of clarifying your role, you posted a blog on Sunday evening in which you continued to claim a bigger role in our coverage. As we are still unable to agree on your role, we feel it best for you not to participate.
Sincerely,
Andrew Morse
Oh, ABC, I take back a minimum of ten percent of all the mean things I've said about you.
JEERS to gravity-defiance denied. Dammit! Those Republicans and their new House majority are already screwing everything up. I hold them personally accountable for this:
The Space Shuttle Program Mission Management Team decided to delay by at least one day the launch of shuttle Discovery to begin its 11-day mission to the International Space Station.
And listen carefully---you hear that? That's the sound of the GOP not denying their culpability. Consider this the first bumper sticker for 2010: REPUBLICANS: BAD FOR AMERICA. BAD FOR OUTER SPACE.
CHEERS to a very bad day for the GOP. Seventy four years ago today, on November 3rd, 1936, FDR was re-elected in a landslide over Alf Landon by---get this---523 electoral votes to 8! Twenty eight years later Lyndon Johnson beat Barry Goldwater 486-52. And 28 years after that Bill Clinton dispatched George H.W. Bush by a less-substantial but still impressive 370-168 margin. Grand total: 1379 to 128. Takeaway message for the gloating Republicans this morning: revenge is a dish best served lopsided.
CHEERS to she whom one does not mess around with. Betty White is an American icon. She is loved by young and old, rich and poor, conservative and liberal. Her approval rating is 99.999%. What she says goes. So listen up America:
"I don’t care who anybody sleeps with. If a couple has been together all that time---and there are gay relationships that are more solid than some heterosexual ones---I think it’s fine if they want to get married. I don’t know how people can get so anti-something. Mind your own business, take care of your affairs, and don’t worry about other people so much."
I believe that settles the matter.
JEERS to little green footballs. On November 3, 1952, Clarence "Not Thomas" Birdseye first marketed frozen peas. I hate 'em---too stinky, pungent and squishy---and anyone who thinks otherwise must be a socialist Marxist commie bedwetter. But we'll say this: if you're packin' a spoon, they make awesome catapult ammo at the dinner table. (If you hit Gramps on his upper lip his dentures fall out.)
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Five years ago in C&J: November 3, 2005
JEERS to Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. For reacting to the invocation of Senate Rule 21 like the spoiled elitist rich brat he is---namely, balling up his fists and throwing a tantrum. Mr. Stewart, you have the floor...
Jon Stewart: Republican leaders gathered outside in the hallway to vent:
Bill Frist: About 10 minutes ago or so, the United States Senate has been hijacked by the Democratic leadership. Once again it shows the Democrats use scare tactics...they have no principles, they have no ideas, they have no convictions...
Stewart [finishing Frist's thought for him]: Our party, on the other hand...I think we're gonna have plenty of convictions. I believe myself, I may have an indictment in my future. But y'know what else this is?
Frist: This is a pure stunt that is being performed by Senator Reid [and] Senator Durbin...
Stewart: Yes! Stunt! Not a `Midnight Schiavo' or `Mission Accomplished' stunt, but it's stunty! It's stunty!
Funny...that was my nickname in 5th grade.
CHEERS to taking a Scooter to Court. Today Dick Cheney's human shield, I. Lewis Libby, makes his first appearance in front of federal judge. He'll have to swear to tell "...the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." But since he's being charged with chronic lying and deception, they'll skip the Bible and instead wire his testicles to a battery-powered bullshit detector. By the end of the day his new nickname could very well be "Crispy."
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And just one more...
JEERS to losing a dependable seat. We're sad this morning, because what we lost last night was very close to us. It was a seat in our district. A very progressive district. We connected on a daily basis, and the support we were given was dependable and unwavering. If I were to fill out a comment card I would write: "Always there for us, in brightest day and darkest night. Patiently endured my rants about politics prompted by stories in the local newspaper." Dressed in a trademark (and stylish) blue skirt and always welcoming a chance to squeeze our cheeks, we were treated like family...even when we got suddenly, violently sick in the same room. (Very embarrassing.) And now...gone. Kicked out. Booted. Relegated to the scrapheap of history...a lot of water having flowed under the proverbial bridge. Only memories remain. And so this morning we say farewell and Thank Ye to our trusty Mayfair toilet seat, and welcome the new one---a Kohler---which we hope we can count on just as much to carry our weight. Tomorrow: we tackle the kitchen sink!
Say it with me: "It gets better." Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"I don't get overly excited about Cheers and Jeers."
---Willie Mays
11/1/10.
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