Every single day the human body produces one to three pints of gas. And every single day you -- yes, you! -- fart approximately fourteen times. I can't tell you why "bad breath that comes from your body's basement" (as Dr. Oz calls it) is funny and coughing, say, isn't, but you know it's true.
The Great Yarmouth Sea Life Centre in Norfolk, England, lowered the water level in its giant aquarium for Christmas because the big turtles, which are herbivores, were scheduled to receive their annual holiday treat of Brussels sprouts. Officials know from experience that if they fail to lower the water level, the gas bubbles from the powerful turtle emissions will lift the water high enough to trigger the emergency tank-flooding buzzers.
That's funny!
This is the first annual DK fart joke contest, raising funds for NFTT. In the first round, you have one hour to post your favorite flatus joke, anecdote, or video. At the end of the first hour our guest judge bubbanomics will announce the initial winner.
Nurse Kelley will make a donation to NFTT in the winner's name.
After bubbanomics declares a winner, anyone can take the title away from the declared winner by donating at least $5 to NFTT and claiming the title in the subject line of their comment. If you have already posted your joke, one line will do it:
I gave to NFTT and I'm the fart champion!
If you haven't yet posted an entry, your comment claiming the title MUST include an entry.
Comment time stamps will determine the order of claims.
The object of the contest is for the title DK Fart Champion 2010 to change hands again and again and again ... while the donations pile up. Readers who are here simply for the laughs are encouraged to give generously, harass (ahem) the judge and the contestants, and - if their postings are found to be on topic and funny by Nurse Kelley - claim the title for themselves. The contest will end and the DK Fart Champion 2010 windily announced at a time known only to the diarist.
It could get a little crazy. Nurse Kelley reserves the right to call in reinforcements.
UPDATE: The initial winner of the NFTT 2010 fart joke contest was khloemi, and the ultimate DailyKos Fart Champion 2010 is ridemybike!
I'll start it off with my own favorite bathroom joke:
Two house mice meet in the front hall and discuss the weather. Michael Mouse says, "I don't think it's EVER been this hot before!" Moses Mouse replies, "Tell me about it! It was so hot yesterday I went for a swim in the upstairs toilet. I was having a great time, just paddling around and cooling off, when a dark cloud appeared overhead!
There was a sudden downpour - and then there was this huge clap of thunder! OMG, I thought I'd drown!" Wide-eyed, Michael said, "Oh, noze! How'd you survive?"
"Someone threw me a log."
Our goal for Netroots For The Troops 2010 is $100,000.00 (cash or in-kind donations).
Our primary goal with NFTT is assembling Care Packages at Netroots Nation. However, occasionally there arises a need beyond those deployed. Maybe a veteran and his family caught between a need and red tape. llbear et al has shown us several times this year. So as we rises funds this year keep in mind that your donation may very well be helping a veteran in need here at home or help those deployed feel they're remembered here at home.
We realize that you would like to donate something tangible to go inside the packages that will be mailed to the troops. Unfortunately, accepting in-kind donations from individuals is not practical in terms of storage and handling of the items. We will only be accepting corporate donations or cash from YOU to purchase items for the care packages this year.
Here’s how YOU can help:
- Please contact TexDem if you know someone who might be helpful in securing the corporate in-kind donations. To help you think of companies who could donate products, see below* for a list of potential items. Put your thinking caps on and let us hear from you. It takes time to get through the corporate processes so we need to hear from you ASAP!
- We are accepting cash from individuals and
beg ask that you DONATE HERE to contribute to this worthy cause. Your donation will enable us to purchase the things that we are unable to obtain through corporate donations, and will help to pay the costs of shipping them to our troops. This year your donations will be tax deductible, thanks to Netroots Nation and their partner Netroots Arts and Education Initiative, a California 501(c)3 corporation.
- Sign up for a diary! Don’t worry---we’ve made it easy for you. We’ve got a template set up, and all you need to do is add a small introduction telling us why you are donating, sharing a story of someone you know who has served or is serving, or any other thing you want to share that might help motivate others to donate.
- Do you know a service member who would like to receive a care package? Email a request to: NFTT.request@gmail.com before June 30 2010.
Please include all of the following information. Unfortunately we will not be able to process any incomplete requests:
Rank:
Last name:
First name:
APO Address Line 1:
APO Address Line 2:
APO Address Zip:
- Write letters to be included in the packages! If you need some ideas, rbutters wrote an excellent diary with tips on how to write letters to troops and why it’s so important to them.
- Help us assemble the packages in Las Vegas. It's fun! More information will be forthcoming for those of you who are going to be in Las Vegas and would like to help there.
- Please consider joining the NFTT FaceBook Group. Invite your FaceBook and non-FaceBook friends.
_____________________
The goal for 2010 is 600 Care Packages assembled in Las Vegas, that equates to approximately $100,000.00. Again this was decided upon after seeing we could assemble 300 in 45 minutes in Pittsburgh. The items we'll be sending will be comparable to what was sent last year. However, that list is subject to modification based on suggestions, request and needs. Last year's boxes had a retail value of about $210.00. Btw, check out the NFTT website.
*The following list contains some of the things we have included in packages. Please let us know if you know someone who might be helpful in securing these corporate in-kind donations. (Please DO NOT send these items yourself! We have no way to accept them. Instead, your cash donation is the very best way to help make this happen on the ground in Las Vegas.)
- Baby wipes
- Mechanix gloves
- LED flashlights
- Gel shoe insoles
- Goop Cleaning Gel
- Powdered energy drinks
- Gel energy food packets
- DVDs and CDs
- Letters to the soldiers
- More suggestions coming soon
Important Note about Successful Online Donations
When you make your online donation, the screen indicates that you are donating to Netroots Nation. This is the right screen! Rest assured all donations WILL go to NFTT. If you wish, feel free to use the comment area provided to note that your donation is intended for Netroots For The Troops. It isn’t necessary to do this however, as this is the only fundraising activity being conducted for Netroots Nation at this time. For further information about online donations, please read TexDem's diary on the subject.
The NFTT diaries are a way for the Daily Kos community to support the troops in Afghanistan and Iraq by sending them packages of items they might not otherwise receive through the normal military process but that they find useful.
This is a non-political diary. While we understand there are differing views on the wars and the warriors, the site gives plenty of opportunity to express those views elsewhere. Furthermore, we would hope that users do not engage with those that attempt to hijack or otherwise disrupt these diaries.
We appreciate your understanding and support. Thanks!