Here's what we need to do to assure victory in the next elections :)
- Start a 24-hour liberal news cable network. Yeah, yeah... I know that supposedly there are many of them already, but let's get back to reality. Call it American Eagle News, or AEN. The logo would incorporate a proud American Eagle with a slogan "Balanced and Fair - Patriots of America!" Under the pretense of the slogan push the liberal agenda in the most shameless way possible. Guest ratio of 70% liberals to 30% non-liberals (preferebly chefs and grooming experts) would be the minimum to strive for and all the events would be covered in a way that supports our predetermined agenda and forms public opinion to suit our goals. When called on it shrug shoulders, vehemently deny it, look visibly upset and accuse those who question us of pursuing a fascist agenda contrary to the principles on which America stands. End with the following, "According to independent analysis we are the most balanced and fair TV news network since Thomas Jefferson's CTC (Constitutional TV Channel)". Hire an obnoxious, loud, arrogant, devoid of manners, working class commie bastard as the star of the No Spin Zone. Have him refer to himself as "we". Find a moderate conservative pansy to beat up on a 9 o'clock program that will represent both sides (um... yeah). Followed by Helda's Legal News show at 10.
- Expand the current AirAmerica radio network to multiple markets, especially in swing states. Create other "independent" liberal radio shows and hire John Stewart, Bill Maher, keep Al Franken, add Howard Stern and the editor of the Onion as their hosts. Find some blonde, good looking, female, extremely liberal lawyers (that should not be very difficult) and give them their own shows as well. No, they don't necessarily have to be named Ann and Laura. Feature them often on the American Eagle TV network for cross promotional purposes. Refer to any information that does not support our point of view as fascist propaganda. Label its sources unpatriotic, shameless propagandists out to hurt America and destroy our values. Say that with disdain and anger. Finish by squinting your eyes, making a puppy face and, with a tingle in your voice, pronouncing, "How could you insinuate such things?"
- Find a sympathetic ATM making corporation. Rename it PatriotVote, Inc. Start making paper trail-less voting machines. Using our newly created media conglomerate convince everyone that these machines are completely safe and cannot be used for large scale election fraud. Paint the new voting machines in American flag colors. Start a campaign exposing the unreliability of the Diebold voting machines until they have been removed. Feel the open market with PatriotVote machines. Especially in swing states. Write the following code into the program. IF $VOTE = REP THEN OUTPUT = DEM.
Victory will be ours! Any questions?