From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Take Two
The media is all, um, a'twitter over George W. Bush's "new" Facebook page. But they failed to mention his first whack at it, back in February, 2009. I remember it like it was yesterday...
George is now friends with Condi Rice, Karl Rove, Sean Hannity, Antonin Scalia and Tom DeLay
George W. Bush is sayin' howdy! My first post---wOOt! What's up?
3:08pm February 23
Scooter Libby at 3:09pm February 23
Why didn't you pardon me, you prick?
Sarah Palin at 3:09pm February 23
Thanks but no thanks. I'd rather pal around with terrorists.
Mitch McConnell at 3:10pm February 23
Now I can say it---you really sucked.
Tom DeLay invited you to join the Bitter Aging Texans Group
George is now friends with Dana Perino, Tony Blair and King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud
Grover Norquist at 3:11pm February 23
I told you to reduce the size of the government so you could drown it in the bathtub. You grew the size of the government, toweled it off, then blew up the bathtub. Your dad's right--you got hit with a special kind of dumbstick.
Scooter Libby, Sarah Palin and Mitch McConnell like this comment
Condi Rice at 3:12pm February 23
Friends 4evuh!!! {{{Mr. President}}}
Dick Cheney at 3:13pm February 23
Why didn’t you pardon Scooter you prick???
Scooter Libby likes this comment
General Colin Powell (Ret.) sent you a bucket of virtual maggots.
Elizabeth Dole at 3:14pm February 23
Here---have a hot cuppa STFU
Bob Dole likes this comment
Michael Steele at 3:15pm February 23
Facebook is the only party in town, baby. Mainly because you KILLED OURS!!!
John McCain wants to send you a virtual can of coal slag and a bag of rusty nails
You now own the largest industrial lake of pig feces in Farmville
Norm Coleman just threw a shoe at you.
King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud at 3:35pm February 23
Where is the Scrabble page? I wish to play Scrabble now.
Scooter Libby likes this comment
Better luck with version 2.0, sir.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Note: You're invited to a Kossack meetup (and pre-wedding-bell-ringing party for Kossacks "It really is that important" and "trs") Saturday, June 26th at the Starved Rock lodge in northern Illinois. Complete details here. Please RSVP by Saturday June 12. In lieu of gifts, please stop the gusher in the gulf.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Elena Kagan's confirmation hearings begin: 20
Days `til the Polish Fest in Milwaukee: 10
Percent of adults who say they want internet access during vacation: 77%
Rank of "check email," "Find trip-related info" and "online banking" among top reasons for wanting to be wired on vacation: #1, #2, #3
(Source: USA Today)
Amount that Chelsea Clinton raised for Haiti relief by hosting a spinning class in Manhattan: $76,000
(Source: Harper’s Index)
Increase in concealed firearms permits in Maine between 2008 and 2009, mostly by people who say they need to protect themselves in our terrifyingly dangerous state: 40%
(Source: Maine State Police via the Maine Sunday Telegram)
Number of homicides in Portland, Maine---the state's most terrifyingly dangerous city---so far this year: 1
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Too many statist-wannabees in the D.C. Republican woodwork. Call ‘em what ya like, idiots, cowards, RINOs... I call ‘em {unprintable} {illegitimately-conceived} morons with a bad case of {cranio-rectal convergence} syndrome.
There are enough drones in the Republican party at the top levels who think they can gain some traction for themselves by not repealing this abominable bill. They need to be proven wrong - and have the anti-D.C., anti-incumbent polling and election results shoved far enough down their throats that they can actually read the things.
All together now: One...two...three... Kinky!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Saved!
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CHEERS to Super Tuesday! Wow---it's gonna be a busy night tonight, what with primary and special-election contests dotting the country like tarballs on a Pensacola beach. Me, I'll be paying close attention to the Maine governor's race, where 7 Republicans and 4 Democrats are duking it out for November duking-it-out rights. Plus there's the Lincoln-Halter race in Arkansas (the party machine seems to have its thumb on Lincoln's side of the scale there---bad form, Democratic establishment!), the California and South Carolina GOP guv primaries, and lots more succinctly summarized by Steve Singiser here. I think I've got everything ready in my personal situation room: paper, pencil, calculator, an extra spazmatillion gigahoochies of RAM (Woo hoo! Dibs!), Bacardi, Dr. Pepper, limes, sippy cup, Army platoon-size bag of Doritos, and my partner Michael's going out for Mexican food and cribbage with the girls. I am so ready...to copy 'n paste Steve's recap tomorrow morning!
JEERS to putting the past behind us. So, uh...you remember that itty-bitty li'l bump-in-the-road in Bhopal, India, during which over two-thousand people died instantly when Union Carbide spilled a chemical that I believe was called Killitol? It was in all the papers for awhile, but then it disappeared. Well, it looks like justice has finally been served 25 years after the fact. Seven former Union Carbide executives will be spending the rest of their lives behind bars (assuming they only have 2 years left to live), and be forced to pay a fine of one gazillion dollars (assuming that by "gazillion" you mean "2 thousand"). Case closed nothing to see here please move along.
CHEERS to putting the future behind us. Awesome news! I read in the paper in my nursing home that the last remnants of the great BP oil spill are all cleaned up. The beaches are back open, the fishing and shrimping communities have bounced back, the last claims have been paid, Tony Hayward and his former executive cronies are still serving their life sentences, and the marshes have been restored. President Jonas, EPA chief Jonas and Minerals Management Service Director Jonas visited the Gulf with former president Obama to wade into the now-pristine waters, and even the pelicans waddled up to pass out hugs. Later they dedicated a new wind farm off the Louisiana coast. You might say they..."broke wind." Ha Ha.
[Note: The above item is embargoed for publication until June 8, 2060. ---Mgt.]
[Note 2: However you may watch this BP-executives-as-evil-pooties video.]
CHEERS to great moments in dust busting. Ives McGaffey of Chicago patented the first mechanical ("whirlwind") vacuum cleaner on this date in 1869. It was a crude device---the butler sucked on a hose.
CHEERS to Helen Thomas. What a sad way for the last living journalist to cover Washington's inauguration to go out---reeling from a thoughtless suggestion that Israelis should go back where they came from (which for the vast majority would be...um...Israel!). But I'll never forget that, when the White House press gaggle was swooning over Bush's musky war madness, Thomas was asking tough questions and not settling for fluffy answers. For that she deserves heaps of praise. And also for these words, from her 2006 book Watchdogs of Democracy? The Waning Washington Press Corps And How it Has Failed The Public:
It is my hope that future journalists will adhere to the true principles of the profession and understand that they play a vital role in helping to keep democracy and the exchange of free ideas alive at home and abroad.
Reporters should be free to operate independently and be courageous enough to keep a critical eye on those in power who fail to act in the interests of the nation. The media do not---and should not---expect to win popularity contests. But they will be respected only if they remain true to the ideals of the profession. They must be detached. But they must also care.
Enjoy your retirement ma'am. See ya on the squash court.
JEERS to ruining all the fun. Eleven years ago, on June 8, 1999, President Clinton announced new restrictions---including photo IDs---that made it harder for teens to sneak into R-rated movies. And you'll never guess what! The number of R-rated movies has since declined by half. Coincidence, I'm sure.
CHEERS to sweet solitude. Let's check in with Rentboy.com renter George Rekers and see how his latest vacation is going:
"Ahhh...this is the life! After all I've been through, all I wanna do is relax and get away from it all. All alone. No wife, no kids, no rentboy. And Sao Paulo is the perfect spot to kick off my shoes and enjoy the solitude! Aaahhhhhhh..."
TWEEEET!!! CLANG CLANG CLANG!!! WHOOOOO!!! 3 MILLION TURN OUT IN SAO PAULO FOR LARGEST GAY PRIDE PARADE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!! THUMPA THUMPA THUMPA BOOM BOOM BOOM IT'S RAININ' MEN HALLELUJAH!!!!
"Shit!"
God's trying to tell him something, is all's I can figure.
CHEERS to the Birthday Girl. Former first lady Barbara Bush turns 85 today. I'd say something snarky about her, but I'm afraid she'd put me in a headlock and strangle me with her pearls. So I'll just gently place the Denny's coupon at her feet and back away slowly.
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Five years ago in C&J: June 8, 2005
JEERS to Big Fat Stinking Liars. The Center for American Progress connects the Downing Street Minutes---in which George Bush shoehorned facts to fit his pre-planned decision to invade Iraq---with his own lying, smirking mouth. He makes Watergate look like a minor jaywalking offense.
CHEERS to Hillary Clinton. At a New York fundraiser Monday, the junior senator from New York said, "There has never been an administration, I don't think in our history, more intent on consolidating and abusing power to further their own agenda. ... We can't ever, ever give in to the Republican agenda. It is not good for New York, and it is not good for America." You let `em have it, Senator. (But, um, why did it take you 4 years to notice??)
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And just one more...
CHEERS to Roger Ebert. Blogger mistermix at Balloon Juice wins the award for understatement of the week: "The paradox of Ebert is that, in losing his voice, he found it. I wish I was half the writer that he is." No shit! Not only is he a pithy, prodigious tweeter, but he's also keeping up his movie reviews and essays, of which this is one of his most personal. An eloquent smackdown of the Prescott, Arizona kerfuffle where local artists were ordered to lighten the skin of the kids in a wall mural, from the perspective of someone who grew up before the "whites only" signs went the way of the dodo bird. I don’t know if Arizona has billboards or not, but if they do someone should buy a few and plaster 'em with this:
Not along ago I read this observation by Clint Eastwood: "The less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice." Do the drive-by haters feel insecure? How are they threatened? What have they talked themselves into? Who benefits by feeding off their fear? We have a black man in the White House, and I suspect they don't like that very much. They don't want to accept the reality that other races live here right along with them, and are doing just fine and making a contribution and the same sun rises and sets on us all. Do they fear their own adequacy? Do they grasp for assurance that they're "better"---which means, not worse? Those poor people. It must be agony to live with such hate, and to seek the company of others so damaged.
One day in high school study hall, a Negro girl walked in who had dyed her hair a lighter brown. Laughter spread through the room. We had never, ever, seen that done before. It was unexpected, a surprise, and our laughter was partly an expression of nervousness and uncertainty. I don't think we wanted to be cruel. But we had our ideas about Negroes, and her hair didn't fit.
Think of her. She wanted to try her hair a lighter brown, and perhaps her mother and sisters helped her, and she was told she looked pretty, and then she went to school and we laughed at her. I wonder if she has ever forgotten that day. God damn it, how did we make her feel? We have to make this country a place where no one needs to feel that way.
Roger Ebert: today's Best Dirty Fucking Hippie in the World.
Have a nice Tuesday, and remember: sky's the limit. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Just flipping Bill in Portland Maine was the main challenge for us, but it all went well. My husband had to prepare special metal holders and a metal plate, he had one at the bottom one at the top, locked them together and they flipped him with that."
---Iman El-Ajouz
6/7/10
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