With all the money, blood, and sweat we've invested in Iraq, it's high time we seriously consider what we're getting out of it. I mean, freedom for freedom's sake is all fine and good, but the tab is in the hundreds of billions of dollars now even if you don't consider American and Iraqi casualties (and believe me, this administration doesn't). We need to think hard about our ROI.
When the price of war was in the low billions and only a handful of American lives, right after the fall of Saddam's regime, we could have been satisfied with 13 permanent bases and a say in the disposition of Iraqi oil. No longer. The price has gone up, so our return on investment needs to increase to match it. So I know you're asking, hat could possibly make this festering mess we've gotten ourselves into over there worthwhile?
Simple. We need to make Iraq into the 51st state...
Now, I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. Sure, the turn of century land grab gave imperialism a well-deserved bad name, so the idea of invading a sovereign nation on trumped up charges and then annexing it isn't as popular as it once was. But think about it - we've already done all the hard work!
- We made shit up about a country whose assets we coveted.
- Over the protestations of the world, we invaded and overthrew the government.
- We're paying to rebuild and secure it anyway.
- What are Iraqis going to do about it that they're not doing already? Bring it on!
- How much more pissed at us is the world going to get, anyway?
The benefits are too numerous to count, really. Here are a few:
- We get to keep the oil, woohoo! Energy problem solved!
- Our muslim population shoots way up - diversity is good.
- I'm guessing our new kurdish, sunni and shiia citizens will not be voting Republican.
- Why settle for a toehold when we can stick our whole foot up their ass?
- No one would care about Israel anymore.
- Homeland security money being poured into Wyoming might be useful after all.
- Permanent local presence to launch our further invasions. Iran, anyone?
We can't
not do this! I think maybe for the state motto: "The State of Unrest"