Santa has to choose who's been naughty or nice every year to figure out which children receive nice presents and which get lumps of coal. Okay, so it's just a great PR manipulation scheme to get kids to be nice all year round which basically forces children to be motivated by fear rather than love, but let's put that aside for now.
This year, I'm Santa and you can be too. Here's my list of political figures and members of the press based on whether they've been naughty or nice in 2004:
Naughty Politicians
- George W Bush: for killing the spirit of the American eagle and eating it for Christmas dinner
- Dick Cheney: darkness, darkness, everywhere
- Donald Rumsfeld: worst.US.defense.secretary.ever
- John Ashcroft: deconstructing the constitution, one law enforcement measure after another
- Tom Ridge: for leaving millions of Americans vulnerable to attacks
- Michael Powell: for making the FCC look like a book burning organization
- Colin Powell: for not standing up forcefully against Bushco
- Alberto Gonzales: for finding fancy legal ways to make torture acceptable
- Condoleezza Rice: "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States"
- Alan Keyes: no explanation required
- Zell Miller: I'm still waiting for the duel
- John McCain: for selling out his beloved Republican party to Bush
- Joe Lieberman: you're a Republican, admit it
- Rudy Giuliani: ooops, there goes your career
- Arnold Schwarzenegger: self-explanatory
Naughty Reporters & Pundits
- Limbaugh, Coulter, O'Reilly, Hannity, Savage et al: who don't know the meaning of the word truth and are all equally repulsive
- Wolf Blitzer (CNN): your bias is showing
- Tim Russert (MTP): for shying away from the tough questions
- Drudge: for being Drudge
- Carl Cameron (FOX): for insulting Kerry with the manicure scandal
- Dan Rather: fact check, Dan, fact check
- Larry King (CNN): all Scott Peterson, all the time
- Robert Novak (Chicago Sun-Times): why aren't you in jail for contempt yet?
- The entire Wash Times staff: for dispensing endless propaganda disguised as journalism
- Tucker Carlson (CNN): you'll be a Dem when you grow up - we're waiting
- Sinclair Broadcasting: Swift Boat Vets supporters
Nice Politicians
- The members of the 9/11 Commission (urged on by the 9/11 families): excellent work
- John Kerry: for carrying the banner
- Howard Dean: for changing politics as usual
- Al Sharpton: for being himself
- Joe Biden: For screaming about the war
- John Edwards: hopeful messages are always appreciated
- Barack Obama: change is in the air
- Henry Waxman: doing the hard work to expose Bushco
- Christine Gregoire: you didn't give up
- Bill Richardson: most likeable governor
- Arianna Huffington: for running against Arnold
Nice Reporters & Pundits
- Aaron Brown (CNN): tackling the tough issues.
- Lou Dobbs (CNN): great job of exposing outsourcing, but other than that...
- Bill Moyers (PBS): I salute you, sir
- Jon Stewart (TDS): best fake daily news guy ever
- Sy Hersh (New Yorker): excellent Abu Ghraib coverage
- Paul Krugman (NYT): making sense of the economy
- David Sirota (Center for American Progress): great, timely reports on Bushco
- Al Franken (AAR): for making us care
- Kevin Sites: for telling the real story.
- Ted Koppel (ABC): thank you for airing the pictures and names of the fallen soldiers
- 60 Minutes crew (CBS): brought us the torture pictures
- David Brock (Media Matters): for joining us from the dark side
- Markos: of course
Well, that's a start. Who would you add? I'll bet I forgot some people who are glaringly obvious. Add whoever you like whether they fall into these categories or not. Thanks.